First of all, I just don't get the "Curry Out". Back home we had the take out Chinese or chicken spot, but nothing on the order of the establishments here. Truth be told, I had to have a DC native translate "Curry Out" into English for me...Ohhh, you mean CARRY OUT!? You shoulda just said so, playa. Get your chicken, egg foo young, fries w/mumbo sauce (wtf is that stuff anyway??), black 'n milds, pineapple soda, and Newports all in the same place.
While I'm on the Newports thing, please explain to me how these got to be the 'hood cigarette? I know a lot of black smokers, and nan' one of em smokes Marlboro or Camel. I go in 7-11 or Wawa ANYWHERE in PG County (or any predominately non-white area in the country for that matter) and the Marlboros and Camels and Winstons are always at full stock, but there's like only 5 packs of Newports left. And if all the Newports are gone, then it's the Kools. Are Kools like substitute Newports or something?? I've even asked a few friends what the deal is, and they just say something to the effect of "Newports are black people cigs". What? Does Phillip Morris stamp on the side next to the surgeon general's warning, "For black people smokage only. Not to be consumed by white folk unless they have hood tendencies or grew up in the ghetto"? Seriously, I think I've seen maybe 3 white chicks in my life smoke Newports, and they were all either dating a black dude or grew up around a gang of black folk. Why in the hell...
And yes, I said pineapple soda at the Curry Out. Like Aloha, give me a Mai Tai type of pineapple. I am hood tested and ghetto approved, so I grew up around a lot of pineapple and strawberry soda drinkers. What the hell is that mess? I can go in any corner store in any hood in America and I'm bound to find at least one of these sodas: Nehi Orange, Pineapple, Strawberry, Banana (da fukk??), Tamarind (I'm Jamerican, so I see this mostly in the Caribbean spots), and Champagne Kola (In the Hispanic and Caribbean parts of town mostly. I've tried it, and liked it, but I don't know what's in it and I sho nuff don't wanna know. For real though, Kola??). I mean damn, can I get a Diet Cherry Coke please?
Mumbo Fawkin Sauce. I still don't understand. I see people smackin the hell out of some fries and chicken slathered in this stuff. It tastes like what my mind would put together as Oxblood, BBQ sauce, ketchup, sugar, and salt all rolled into one. I know it's a DC thing, but since I live here now, I figured I'd tried to blend in with the locals and give that shit a try a few times. NO MORE. I messed around and went to Howard China on Georgia Ave, at the kinda suggestion of Sister Toldja (I'm too lazy to dig up the actual post), tried the Mumbo Sauce there and I thought my stomach was trying to come out of my abdomen to scream at me, "Tasha, you know I'm not used to this. We ain't from 'round here. Don't be tryin stuff cuz you hear it's good for the locals!!"
Metro. I love being able to get on a train and go from Maryland, into DC, into Virginia. No other subway type system lets you go through two states and a District. But Metro is on some other plane of ghetto. Countraaay even. First of all, I grew up with the NYC Subway system. Numbers, letters, local, express. Great. But I get here and it's the gotdamned Rainbow Coalition. Blue, Orange, Green, Red, Yellow. I was lost like a mugg trying to get through DC alone the first time. But that's not my issue here. The NYC Subway is ghetto for no other reason than it can be. Back in the day, before they cleaned the trains, getting on the 6 train at 138th st in the Bronx where I lived, I'd see graffiti-covered trains with crackheads galore selling their wares. Whatever. No problem. "HEY, my Nubian Sista...lemme sell you some coconut musk insent (not insence mind you) and some natural oils" type shit. Just nod no and keep it moving. When I got on the train here though, I see carpeted trains with peanut shells and chicken boxes and the occasional dirty diaper strewn about. Yeah, it was the green line, but work with me ok. Peanut shells? Chicken Boxes? That's country ghetto to another power. But at least no one tries to sell me bootleg DVDs of movies that haven't even come out yet. "5 for 25 for you, Sista..."
But I'm so done now with the club shootings here. I know PG's trying to shut down a bunch of nightclubs. I dunno about all that, but why shoot in the damn club? "Nicca, you stepped on my brand new Nike Boot". Is it really that damn serious? You got a bunch of funky-ass people, chicks sweating out weaves, broads trying to dance on some hurtin feet which shouldn't be in heels, and you gon' shoot somebody? I'm scratching my head so hard with that, I might end up pulling out one of my braids.
"Yo, I went to Largo" "Well I went to Bowie, AND WHAT!?" Fight ensues. Blood shed. And no, not between some teenage D.I.Ts (delinquent in training), either. Grown-ass people. Why are you still fighting over your high school? You are 38 friggin years old. Both of you work at T.G.I. Friday's, so why you mad, son?
And about Friday's... Greenbelt. Happy Hour there is unlike anything I have ever seen. Some people act like that place is the Holy Land itself. If I'm gonna take myself to happy hour, you best believe it's not gonna be some place where I can get Jack Daniels on the rocks and on my steak.
Ahhh, I love my hood...