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Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Walking Away
Today, I did something I’ve never done before—I abruptly walked away from a friendship, broke promises, and severed ties without looking back. And honestly, it felt good. The responsibility of maintaining this connection was more difficult than it should have been, and more strenuous than beneficial. I simply couldn’t take anymore.

So to that person…

I’m sorry it had to come to this, but we’re both better off. I don’t feel bad for breaking those last promises to you, because everything else was already broken. I will never accept you trying to make me feel guilty for loving my Hunny. Friendships don’t come with stipulations like that. I don’t know how you could have ever expected us to be in a relationship when in your eyes I wasn’t a person, but a smartfunnybeautifultalented robot woman. Maintaining a friendship with you became damn near impossible because when I got involved with someone romantically, you acted like I was cheating on you. I couldn’t cheat if we weren’t together, let alone in a barely functioning co-dependent friendship. It’s never fair to ask someone to put their heart on reserve for someone in hopes that things maybe will work out. I refused to close myself off to the world like that, and I’m sorry if you did that to yourself.

You will be fine in your life without me. You will succeed without my help. God blessed you with everything you already need. You don’t need a woman to define you. Please work on defining yourself and being the best you that you can be. Love is a compromise, it is not all flowers and sunshine. Don’t give people the power to hurt you so easily. I don’t need you to give Hunny and I your blessing. I don’t need you to forgive me for abandoning our battle-scarred friendship. I don’t need you to be my knight in shining armor. I don’t need you to apologize for how you hurt me when you said you wish that my boyfriend would do another tour in Afghanistan and get killed. What I need for you to do is make your life the very best it can be, get yourself right mentally and spiritually, get your grown man on, and adopt a healthy dose of self-confidence.

Mrs. You is out there, but she isn’t me. As much as I tried to push logic aside, I can’t be your friend. We are too similar and too different. You were a great friend when I needed you, and I hope I was just as good to you. Please understand that even if I wasn’t in a relationship, I’d still have to walk away. People are put into our lives for reasons, seasons, or lifetimes. It’s become apparent that our season is long over. It is rather ironic that I write this on the last day of winter. I will always care about you from a distance, but that is the best I can do. There was no way to do that gently. Goodbye.

OK, now that I’ve gotten that off my chest, have any of you ever had to just up and walk away from either a romantic relationship, a friendship, or otherwise without warning or had to do so harshly? I believe the other party usually knows it’s coming or can sense when something isn’t right.

Get at me in the comments.


Blogger kameelah said...

it's weird how what you said mirrored a situation i was in a few months back. sometimes you have to say 'peace out' because it's developing into an unhealthy relationship that you feel trapped by. his 'i hope your boyfriend does another tour...' mess is enough to make you think. good luck with this...but it seems like you've already moved on and beyond this complication.


Blogger Hassan said...

As bad as it may sound to others I know you know that you have to be in it and experience it in order for it to make sense to you.

Last year, I had to disassociate myself from my mother and so-called best friend. It seems that homie got into his first real relationship, fronted on me (to big up himself for her)and got me sued by a wannabe music producer. Five figures. Just like that.

As far as moms is concerned, it's been touchy for the last 15 years. I tried to be her son, show her respect and remain civil, but she has never respected me since I left her home for the army in 88. She has attempted to make my life hell and spite me for the favor of my siblings. I got injured on the road last year and was on the phone, telling her I was on my way to the Chi for surgery. She suggested that I not come home and even asked me when I was scheduled to go back (and them weren't the words she used). That was it.

As hard as it is, if you do not cut the cancer out it will kill you, and I refused to die like that.

Blogger Tenacious said...

T...It is so funny...currently going through something like this now. I already know it's not going to end good, a lot of things will be said that we cant take back, and while i cherish the frienship, at least the good times, i wont miss it. or the person. esp. the person. funny how folks act when u find out so called secrets about them.

Blogger Always.Funky.Fresh said...

Uhhhh yep. I did it. I can't even lie. Been on both sides. People can be toxic. Their words - toxic. The situation- toxic. And it'll sting both parties (moreso the other) for a little while but eventually both move on. It's better that way.

Blogger jerzeygyrl said...

I don’t need you to apologize for how you hurt me when you said you wish that my boyfriend would do another tour in Afghanistan and get killed.


Damn. That's a messed up thing to say to someone that you supposedly care about. My best friens man and I aren't the coolest, but I've had to accept him because I know she loves him. Sometimes you have to fall back.

Acting like your friend is going to leave who they care about for you is selfish. I can't lie though. When I was younger I was on the other end. Now that I've matured, I've been on the same end as you LaBella.

Life goes on and sometimes you out grow people.

Blogger Bklyn Diva said...


Girl we are >>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<

I went through something similar back in 2001.. detach myself from someone.. WHEW LAWD..

I'm happy you were able to walk away.. sometimes its hard but we have to do things that are BEST FOR US.. not everybody else..

Love & Happiness MA.. :)

Anonymous Sugar said...

Yes!! And, I'm going to a wedding this weekend that may put me right back in the line of fire! So, I'm a little nervous, because I'll be honest, I'm not sure if I want the friendship to restart, and that may be something she wants. My life is so much more drama free without that "friend" and this post just confirmed that I need to keep it moving, being cordial and try not to start that laughing and talking because by the second round of laughter, I'll be caught in the trap, struggling with the rope trying to get out.....

I'm sure you this was tough for you in some aspects, but you will be better for it.

Blogger Ladynay said...

Yes yes and yes I have walked away. You said it when you mentioned that some people are only meant to be in your life for a certain amount of time and once their purpose is filled it's time to move on.

Glad you knew it was time to make that move.

Anonymous aulelia said...

you are doing the right thing. certain friends have this vicious way to end up making you question yourself. if someone can have enough power to do that -- are they right for your health?

Blogger Miz JJ said...

Instead of just ending a friendship with someone I let it fester for a long while. Finally, she ended the friendship. I was not sad about it. It needs to happen sometimes. That dude sounds like he was trying to hold you back. A big no no in my book.

Blogger Golden Silence said...

I've had too many toxic relationships. I've had friends that lied, were bossy, selfish, flaky, etc., and the best thing to do was walk away. One walked away from me for a while because she thought I could be harsh.

It happens. Friendship can be the strongest binding tie, but it can fall apart so easily at the same time.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I gotta caution some of the playas out there.

I met this girl who was pleasant but a little on the fugly side.

She kept calling me and finally I asked her over. Within the first hour (we were just chillin') she offered to "do me a favor" and I was stupid enough to let my "small brain" make the decision.

Later that night she told me that she wanted a big relationship - I told her that I didn't.

Her next move was to go to 5-0, and tell them I beat and threatened her. 5-0 in my town don't investigate - they let the jury figure it out. Mental patient got me charged with three misdemeanors.

Judge threw it out but it cost a lot of $$$ and time.

My new policy is no BJs from women who I don't want a big relationship with.

Blogger Honey-Libra said...

WOW...that's major. It's always hard to walk away from someone who held the title of Friend...but it has to be done when that person means you no good. We grow and change and our relationships with people reflect that.

I've had to let go of someone I loved because loving them was hurting me.

Letting go is sometimes the best thing to do especially when you're happy and that person doesn't want you to be happy...

You and Hun deserve to be happy :) (Am I mistaken or is that the first time you've called him your BF on the blog LOL)

Blogger SimplEnigma said...

Can't really comment without knowing your full situation, but one thing you said struck me, "you were a friend when I needed you..."

Maybe this friend needs you as well, but doesn't know how to articulate it...seems like things have spiralled out of control, but maybe it's worth a revisit. If you can acknowledge that this person was there when you needed them, then it's a foundation to build on (as opposed to this person having never been there for you at all).

Hopefully there are other things that has caused the rift in the friendship rather than just issues with your guy, because IMO that's one of the worst reasons to end a friendship...

Just offering a different perspective...

Blogger S.K. said...

At least you did what was right for you and that's most important.

Blogger Gunfighter said...

It takes courage to walk away from a friendship. Sometimes you just have to whne it isn't healthy for you.

Oh, and you have been tagged... see my blog.

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