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Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Questions I've Got, Vol. 3
-Why were there people in the self checkout line at the grocery store who don’t speak speak a lick of English? The machine doesn’t speak your language, so how are you faking the funk and managing to get your purchase done?

-Why are there homeless people who are creative enough to come up with signs like this:

but no employer is willing to use that creativity for their benefit and give them a chance?

-Speaking of homeless people, why are there so many black and white homeless people, but so few minorities? I don’t think I’ve ever seen a Latino or Asian obviously homeless person—at least on the east coast

-Why do people insist on carrying blatantly fake azz Louis Vuitton bags? If from far away the logos on your bag look like LV, but up close they look like spades and clubs from a deck of cards, you’re not fooling anyone. Instead of trying to front, just go buy the best quality bag you can for your money.

-Why when a baby is over 1 or 2 years old, a parent will still say some mess like “Ohh, he’s 33 months old” when asked their child’s age? I can’t do long division like that in my head. Just tell me how many years old he is please

-How are you going to be the office gossip and tell everybody’s business with no problem but get all bent out of shape and ready to shank someone when your name is mentioned?

-How can you be offended when the grocery store manager asks you to pay for the 12 boxes of cookies that your bad ass kids opened? You’re the one who let them fools run amok.

-Who the hell told Maxim and Stuff to send me their magazines? Hunny’s got his own subscription, so I know it wasn’t him. I’m a straight female and I live alone, so there is no reason for that crap to show up in my mailbox every three weeks. Well, at least I make money off of it—I never paid for these subscriptions, and I sell them to one of my co-workers for more than the cover price when they arrive in my mail.

-What is the point of struggling like hell to lose 5 or 10 lbs for a high school reunion or a vacation? At the reunion, everybody aged, not just you so I’m sure there were some lbs added to most people’s frames. On vacation, you usually throw down on the food and chill anyway.

-Why are there six year olds who can pop, lock, and drop better than strippers? Did they go to career day at school and say, “I wanna be a skrippa too, jus’ like my mommy and auntie” then sign up for lessons?

-Why at every party hosted by black folk is there someone who has to take three plates of food with them? “Lemme get one for Pookie and RayRay and one for Neesy too” Are things really that rough? Damn, here’s $40…go get some groceries and keep your nasty hands out of the food.

-Why do so many black hair products have “GRO” somewhere in the name, but so many black women who use these products have hair that won’t grow?? Just ponder on that a minute

-Can someone who’s only 2 months pregnant use the special parking spaces at the mall and grocery store reserved for “Expectant mothers and parents with small children”?

-Why oh why do you claim to be a church going person, but the only scripture you know is “Jesus Wept.”?

-Why do I know more about exercise physiology than the personal trainer at the gym?

-Why the week after pay day do you eat lunch out every day, but then 2 days before you’re due to be paid again are you asking if you can borrow $40 from me for gas?

-Why don’t any service people speak English anymore? Gotdammit, I’m in America, I’m American, I speak English by default…I shouldn’t have to order my sammich or my coffee in Spanish, Portuguese, Hindi or whatever language. I actually had to place an entire order at Subway (for me and 3 co-workers) all in Spanish. What if I didn’t have that basic language knowledge?

-Why are there always commercials for some special coin created by the US Mint? There is no need for a dollar coin that has a corvette on it. And I sure as hell don’t wanna pay $19.95 for something that’s legally only worth $1


15 Comments:

Anonymous Sugar said...

Yet another great list. Girl, sometimes I see something I want to respond to and then I'll go a little farther down the list and I'll forget the comment I meant to say, so fugg it! I'll just say, DITTO!!!!! To everything.

Blogger emptyHEART said...

Non-english speaking employees/service people pisses me off to no end. This is America right? English is our national language right? So why is it that people who speak English have to cater to the non-English speaking people in America? And I'm an immigrant btw..

You right about dem kids and the strip club dances, parents monitor your children, especially young females.

Damn, I wish Maxim and Stuff would show up in my mailbox free of charge.

Blogger Kris said...

-Can someone who’s only 2 months pregnant use the special parking spaces at the mall and grocery store reserved for “Expectant mothers and parents with small children”?

Girl I used that day after the condom broke... I could have been pregnant...They don't know.

Blogger old man neill said...

your list had me crackin' up. best one yet...

Blogger Miz JJ said...

I love this post.

Lol @ the math. Once your kid hits 12 months it is time to start saying one year. I do not go around saying I am 336 months old.

Best believe when I am pregnant I will be using those spots. Right away.

Blogger chidi said...

lol

Blogger Golden Silence said...

Another hilariously true list...keep 'em coming!

Blogger Bklyn Diva said...

ABSOLUTELY DEAD.. almost choked on my damn salad LMAO

that person who eats out and then wants to borrow gas money LMAO

ok I need to come kick dat personal trainers arse.. giving us bad names!! LOL

Ummm if you got a lil tummy like me.. FAKE IT especially when its the last parking space available that's not way on the other side of the lot.. IT PAYS TO HAVE A LIL BIT A GUT lol

Blogger Honey-Libra said...

This list had me crackin up...on top of that knowing me I'd probably use the pregnant parking space..it says expectant mother not about to drop at this moment LOL

Blogger jerzeygyrl said...

Not the ninjas!

*crawls into a ball and cracks up!

Blogger jerzeygyrl said...

**I don’t think I’ve ever seen a Latino or Asian obviously homeless person—at least on the east coast**

I had to come back and say- I never have seen one either... interesting observation.

Blogger Tenacious said...

LMAO

something hilarious to end my day with....girl u got me in tears over here!!!!


....and um at 33 months why is he still sucking on a damn bottle AND have on a diaper? Ima need a sippy cup and potty training please!!!

Blogger jameil1922 said...

omg stop the month counting once he hits a year please. b/c i hate the math too. I WAS A JOURNALISM MAJOR! I mean hello!!!! why are there no certified personal trainers? i don't know who certifies you but DANG!! its all these people who like to workout or are naturally skinny or something. SIT DOWN! i would've requested the english speaker. i no speaka espanol. you at least need to know the food there if its subway!!!! i volunteered at a boys and girls club and the 8 y.o. girls were poppin talkin bout our momma's know. they don't care. we care and you should. SIT DOWN. sigh.

Blogger TDJ said...

*LOL* @ the homeless man and his sign. Such creativity!!

And like Sugar said, by the time I get to the bottom, I forget which ones I want to comment on. Have a good weekend!

Blogger Gunfighter said...

"Why oh why do you claim to be a church going person, but the only scripture you know is “Jesus Wept.”?

Because you know as well as I do that lots of "church people" are just going through the motions. They only know "Jesus Wept" becasue they never READ their bibles and learn anything other than what they haave to do to get through the service on sunday.

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