Questions I've Got, Vol. 3

-Why were there people in the self checkout line at the grocery store who don’t speak speak a lick of English? The machine doesn’t speak your language, so how are you faking the funk and managing to get your purchase done?

-Why are there homeless people who are creative enough to come up with signs like this:

but no employer is willing to use that creativity for their benefit and give them a chance?

-Speaking of homeless people, why are there so many black and white homeless people, but so few minorities? I don’t think I’ve ever seen a Latino or Asian obviously homeless person—at least on the east coast

-Why do people insist on carrying blatantly fake azz Louis Vuitton bags? If from far away the logos on your bag look like LV, but up close they look like spades and clubs from a deck of cards, you’re not fooling anyone. Instead of trying to front, just go buy the best quality bag you can for your money.

-Why when a baby is over 1 or 2 years old, a parent will still say some mess like “Ohh, he’s 33 months old” when asked their child’s age? I can’t do long division like that in my head. Just tell me how many years old he is please

-How are you going to be the office gossip and tell everybody’s business with no problem but get all bent out of shape and ready to shank someone when your name is mentioned?

-How can you be offended when the grocery store manager asks you to pay for the 12 boxes of cookies that your bad ass kids opened? You’re the one who let them fools run amok.

-Who the hell told Maxim and Stuff to send me their magazines? Hunny’s got his own subscription, so I know it wasn’t him. I’m a straight female and I live alone, so there is no reason for that crap to show up in my mailbox every three weeks. Well, at least I make money off of it—I never paid for these subscriptions, and I sell them to one of my co-workers for more than the cover price when they arrive in my mail.

-What is the point of struggling like hell to lose 5 or 10 lbs for a high school reunion or a vacation? At the reunion, everybody aged, not just you so I’m sure there were some lbs added to most people’s frames. On vacation, you usually throw down on the food and chill anyway.

-Why are there six year olds who can pop, lock, and drop better than strippers? Did they go to career day at school and say, “I wanna be a skrippa too, jus’ like my mommy and auntie” then sign up for lessons?

-Why at every party hosted by black folk is there someone who has to take three plates of food with them? “Lemme get one for Pookie and RayRay and one for Neesy too” Are things really that rough? Damn, here’s $40…go get some groceries and keep your nasty hands out of the food.

-Why do so many black hair products have “GRO” somewhere in the name, but so many black women who use these products have hair that won’t grow?? Just ponder on that a minute

-Can someone who’s only 2 months pregnant use the special parking spaces at the mall and grocery store reserved for “Expectant mothers and parents with small children”?

-Why oh why do you claim to be a church going person, but the only scripture you know is “Jesus Wept.”?

-Why do I know more about exercise physiology than the personal trainer at the gym?

-Why the week after pay day do you eat lunch out every day, but then 2 days before you’re due to be paid again are you asking if you can borrow $40 from me for gas?

-Why don’t any service people speak English anymore? Gotdammit, I’m in America, I’m American, I speak English by default…I shouldn’t have to order my sammich or my coffee in Spanish, Portuguese, Hindi or whatever language. I actually had to place an entire order at Subway (for me and 3 co-workers) all in Spanish. What if I didn’t have that basic language knowledge?

-Why are there always commercials for some special coin created by the US Mint? There is no need for a dollar coin that has a corvette on it. And I sure as hell don’t wanna pay $19.95 for something that’s legally only worth $1