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Saturday, March 31, 2007
This is my hood now...
I swear on my life that since I moved to the DC Urrea, I've encountered more ghetto mess and things that leave me scratching my head in one year than in my whole life in NY.

First of all, I just don't get the "Curry Out". Back home we had the take out Chinese or chicken spot, but nothing on the order of the establishments here. Truth be told, I had to have a DC native translate "Curry Out" into English for me...Ohhh, you mean CARRY OUT!? You shoulda just said so, playa. Get your chicken, egg foo young, fries w/mumbo sauce (wtf is that stuff anyway??), black 'n milds, pineapple soda, and Newports all in the same place.

While I'm on the Newports thing, please explain to me how these got to be the 'hood cigarette? I know a lot of black smokers, and nan' one of em smokes Marlboro or Camel. I go in 7-11 or Wawa ANYWHERE in PG County (or any predominately non-white area in the country for that matter) and the Marlboros and Camels and Winstons are always at full stock, but there's like only 5 packs of Newports left. And if all the Newports are gone, then it's the Kools. Are Kools like substitute Newports or something?? I've even asked a few friends what the deal is, and they just say something to the effect of "Newports are black people cigs". What? Does Phillip Morris stamp on the side next to the surgeon general's warning, "For black people smokage only. Not to be consumed by white folk unless they have hood tendencies or grew up in the ghetto"? Seriously, I think I've seen maybe 3 white chicks in my life smoke Newports, and they were all either dating a black dude or grew up around a gang of black folk. Why in the hell...

And yes, I said pineapple soda at the Curry Out. Like Aloha, give me a Mai Tai type of pineapple. I am hood tested and ghetto approved, so I grew up around a lot of pineapple and strawberry soda drinkers. What the hell is that mess? I can go in any corner store in any hood in America and I'm bound to find at least one of these sodas: Nehi Orange, Pineapple, Strawberry, Banana (da fukk??), Tamarind (I'm Jamerican, so I see this mostly in the Caribbean spots), and Champagne Kola (In the Hispanic and Caribbean parts of town mostly. I've tried it, and liked it, but I don't know what's in it and I sho nuff don't wanna know. For real though, Kola??). I mean damn, can I get a Diet Cherry Coke please?

Mumbo Fawkin Sauce. I still don't understand. I see people smackin the hell out of some fries and chicken slathered in this stuff. It tastes like what my mind would put together as Oxblood, BBQ sauce, ketchup, sugar, and salt all rolled into one. I know it's a DC thing, but since I live here now, I figured I'd tried to blend in with the locals and give that shit a try a few times. NO MORE. I messed around and went to Howard China on Georgia Ave, at the kinda suggestion of Sister Toldja (I'm too lazy to dig up the actual post), tried the Mumbo Sauce there and I thought my stomach was trying to come out of my abdomen to scream at me, "Tasha, you know I'm not used to this. We ain't from 'round here. Don't be tryin stuff cuz you hear it's good for the locals!!"

Metro. I love being able to get on a train and go from Maryland, into DC, into Virginia. No other subway type system lets you go through two states and a District. But Metro is on some other plane of ghetto. Countraaay even. First of all, I grew up with the NYC Subway system. Numbers, letters, local, express. Great. But I get here and it's the gotdamned Rainbow Coalition. Blue, Orange, Green, Red, Yellow. I was lost like a mugg trying to get through DC alone the first time. But that's not my issue here. The NYC Subway is ghetto for no other reason than it can be. Back in the day, before they cleaned the trains, getting on the 6 train at 138th st in the Bronx where I lived, I'd see graffiti-covered trains with crackheads galore selling their wares. Whatever. No problem. "HEY, my Nubian Sista...lemme sell you some coconut musk insent (not insence mind you) and some natural oils" type shit. Just nod no and keep it moving. When I got on the train here though, I see carpeted trains with peanut shells and chicken boxes and the occasional dirty diaper strewn about. Yeah, it was the green line, but work with me ok. Peanut shells? Chicken Boxes? That's country ghetto to another power. But at least no one tries to sell me bootleg DVDs of movies that haven't even come out yet. "5 for 25 for you, Sista..."

But I'm so done now with the club shootings here. I know PG's trying to shut down a bunch of nightclubs. I dunno about all that, but why shoot in the damn club? "Nicca, you stepped on my brand new Nike Boot". Is it really that damn serious? You got a bunch of funky-ass people, chicks sweating out weaves, broads trying to dance on some hurtin feet which shouldn't be in heels, and you gon' shoot somebody? I'm scratching my head so hard with that, I might end up pulling out one of my braids.

"Yo, I went to Largo" "Well I went to Bowie, AND WHAT!?" Fight ensues. Blood shed. And no, not between some teenage D.I.Ts (delinquent in training), either. Grown-ass people. Why are you still fighting over your high school? You are 38 friggin years old. Both of you work at T.G.I. Friday's, so why you mad, son?

And about Friday's... Greenbelt. Happy Hour there is unlike anything I have ever seen. Some people act like that place is the Holy Land itself. If I'm gonna take myself to happy hour, you best believe it's not gonna be some place where I can get Jack Daniels on the rocks and on my steak.

Ahhh, I love my hood...


12 Comments:

Blogger Leoninatl said...

Damn, I see that Atlanta doesn't have the whole "country ghetto" thing on lock. There are some bama (one of their words) ass folks up in DC for sure, as much as they hate to admit it, but there are even more here.

I got folks in PG County, and you really gave me a lot of memories on this post. Danny's is the "Curry-out" they love to go to. I got some fried scrimps and a Peach Nehi at that jawn for like $5.99.

My aunt works at Howard, so I know Howard China on Georgia Ave all too well.

And if you think the Metro is ghetto, MARTA (or as YT around here calls it, "Moving Africans Rapidly through Atlanta") here makes the Metro look like the LIRR.

Blogger TNDRHRT said...

Some friends went to Hong Kong about two years ago, and, get this...one of them kept asking for freaking MAMBO SAUCE!!! What da hell???? And got MAD when the restaurants didn't have any! FOOL! I couldn't do anything but hang my hand when I heard that. Some folks should NEVA travel outside of the 48 contiguous states - yeah, not even Hawaii or Alaska. Keep yo azz stateside.

This post is sooo funny and yet so sad. My boyfriend smokes Newports. I used to work for a company that promoted tobacco control and the fact that most blacks smoke Newports and Kools is not an accident. The tobacco companies market them that way.

Go to any urban establishment where cigarettes are sold and Newports and Kools are the brands plastered all over the place.

I've tried to convince my boyfriend to stop, but the cigs have him hooked, and unfortunately the menthols (AKA Newports and Kools are the hardest ones to kick.

Blogger Bklyn Diva said...

OMG.. omg.. Tasha u got my stomach hurting!!!! OMG.. girl I had the same thoughts when Imoved here almost 7 yrs ago!!!!

Oooh thanks for the laugh ma.. thanks for the laugh..

Honestly give me MY #2 OR #5 TRAIN TO FLATBUSH or even the #3, #4, #6 or the A,B,C OR D TRAINS.. I'll take the crackhead or the fake blind crackhead who when he notices its you and ya'll live around the same way runs off the train before you make him LOL rather than the GREEN, YELLOW, ORANGE OR WHATEVER OTHER DAMN COLORS they have in the UREA..

Blogger Golden Silence said...

Some folks should NEVA travel outside of the 48 contiguous states...

Hell, some of them shouldn't leave their houses, period. Ridiculous.

Blogger Honey-Libra said...

LOL..I have never tried the Mumbo sauce and from your warning I will never try it LOL..I am not trying to have my stomach run away.

I can't compare here to NY but I can compare it to where I"m from in the 757 and I will admit that I've seen more crackhead directing traffic here than I've seen cops directing traffic at home LOL

Anonymous Sugar said...

Girl, I used to work in a grocery store down South and that Newports and "Kool Filter Kings" (that's what they call 'em(lololol) jones is no joke!! Oh, and the variation between the "soft pack" and the "box" is also another distinction that will get a store clerk cursed out. I know those dynamics well. (lol) Anybody who smokes 'em knows what I'm talking about when I mention the "soft pack" and the "box". (lolol)

As for the "carry out", I was hesitant to try Mumbo sauce too, and I wouldn't dare put it on chicken or fries, but on Crabmeat fried wantons!! Girl, delishisssss!!! (lol)

Blogger Always.Funky.Fresh said...

Man Tasha you got me crackin up over here. You know I had to comment. Everything that BKDiva said plus more. It's funny here. I'm used to it now but erry-thing here blew me at first. Mumbo sauce?!?!? What the fugg is that?! Nah, how about in the Chinese spot near me, this girl comes in and asks for the lemonade-icetea mix plus a cheesesteak. The lady was like we only sell Chinese food (umm we were in a Chinese carry-out..hello) and the girl got pissed! Like what kind of currry-out is this!!!!

LMAOOOOOOOOOO...Good post.

Blogger J said...

Wow you took me back to when I first lived in DC way back. Its a truly different experience. I got a damn ticket on the subway for eating a muffin yet saw a chick on the train wit a plate of sh*t!!!!

I still dont know what mambo sauce is but its good :-) I dont miss it tho now that I'm south

You aint even touch on going to get your chicken and having to talk through the bullet proof glass and passin yo dollars through the damn spinny thing.

I can't partake in the flavored sodas but I'll never forget when dude introduced me to the frozen version. Many a fight ensued cause I'd drink it all.

DC is its own monster. Thanks for the memories :-) LOL

Blogger Sister Toldja said...

You trippin, cause Ho Chi got the only edible mumbo sauce in the city. Did you get it with hot sauce? *Smacks lips* But I can only eat it once in a while myself, cause too much is kinda..ugh.

You buggin, DC Metro is so super easy to navigate! And it's sooo clean compared to Chicago. The DC buses are bad, but the trains are spotless in comparison. And in the Chi, there is the bum selling "Neeeeew cigarettes! New cigarettes!". It took me years to figure out he was talking about Newports! LOL.

Blogger 1969 said...

OMG...where have I been? This mess is hilarious. I lived in DC for a year and the culture shock from Brooklyn was crazy. That Mumbo Sauce was some nasty mess. I was used to kethcup and hot sauce on my chicken wings and fries **shouts out to Sing Ping on Utica Ave!**

Blogger Gunfighter said...

Mumbo sauce... in Hong Kong?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

I still don't know what the hell that crap is... I won't eat it.

...and "curry out" When I got here in the mid 80's I though they meant take out Indian food.

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