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Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Life Caught Up
I'm stepping away from blogging until Monday cuz life finally caught up with me. I'm sick as a dog...home for the second day in a row (even though I have like zero sick time). Thanksgiving is this week, and because of my job not giving us Friday off (and not letting anyone have it off, period) I can't go home. I'll be spending the holiday with D's family, which is great, but I've never not been home for this holiday. Same will happen for Christmas. Oh, and I have to go talk to another pathologist about this cancer mess cuz something apparently doesn't look right.

I'm going through some thangs yall, pray for me. I'll be back on Monday.

Have a blessed and happy Turkey Day!

Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Wednesday Randoms
-It's 6:26 AM right now, and I don't have to be up for another 30 minutes but I'm up, so I figured I'd blog now cuz the plantation's been monitoring everyone's web activity.

-I'm happy to be going to see the fam in BK this weekend. Me and D will finally get to see my new niece!

-I'm mad that some lil kid overheard my conversation and that I have cancer and asked all loud why I still have hair. His mother didn't see anything wrong with the line of questioning and actually wanted the answer. I didn't have it in me to argue right then so I just walked away. Have some decorum people.

-It's eating me up inside that it's getting harder to talk to my mother about anything. Last night I told her that I got a call from my father and she just changed the subject. Me: "Pop called me last night" Her: "I went to yoga today." Me: "Pop called me last night" Her: "I said went to yoga today". Me: "I have to go"

-It's that time of year when old friends find each other. In the last week, I've gotten 4 or 5 emails/calls/facebook requests from people I haven't seen in years and I've been looking for.

-Sometimes even when I have a lot of people around me, I still feel alone. Like no one really wants to hear what I have to say, or no one is patient enough to listen. So I say nothing, and sometimes being made to say nothing hurts worse than any verbal insult.

-Is it bad that because of work I can't go home for Christmas or Thanksgiving and I'm not particularly sad? See above about not talking to my mom. It's not home when I can't talk to my best friend.

-I have recruiters chasing me right now for some important positions. I haven't been at the new place quite a year yet, but this is probably going to be the best career move for me. I'mma schedule some meetings to see what we can make of this.

-Why is it that my car becomes due for an oil change a week and a half after the coupon for a free oil change from the dealership expires? I guess I could have jumped on it sooner though, lol.

-I need it to stay consistently chilly in the urrea, cuz I have some fabulous new fall outfits to wear, and I don't feel right wearing them when it's 60 degrees during the day.

That's all I got right now

Monday, November 12, 2007
Monday Monday
Back on the plantation again. Hope yall had a good weekend. Friday was D's birthday, and we had a great time. Let me sum up my night for you:

Instead of "Duck, Duck, Goose" it was more like "Drink, Drink, Drunk". Yeah. That's all I can say about that. And I'm mad at D for being in my face taking pictures when I was umm...not at my best, lol.

The rest of the weekend was all about the couch. I went out with L on Saturday night, but we were cold and didn't feel like standing outside trying to get in someone's club, so we went to Maggie Moo's and got some ice cream then went home. I know that sounds backwards getting ice cream when you're cold, but it really hit the spot. Sunday = football. Watched my Giants turn in a less than stellar performance and then I fell asleep on the couch. Me and the couch have been getting in some quality time as of late cuz when the weather gets cold, I turn in to a serious homebody.

Anyway, I hope yall had a good weekend. What'd you get into? Get at me in the comments. Happy Monday.

Friday, November 09, 2007
Happy Birthday to Ya!!
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Today is D's birthday, so it's a party all day. I can hear Eddie Murphy singing now, "My girl wants to party alll the tiiiiiiimmmee...." (If you don't know that song, be thankful)*shaking head*. Anyway, we're going out with a bunch of our friends for dinner and drinks later on. He's usually pretty mellow--even about birthdays, but he's all hyped about going out tonight. A few of the people we're going out with are all hyped and acting funny about tonight too...so I know something is up. We'll see though. I got my digital camera back, so I'll have photographic evidence to use in case I need to blackmail someone later, lol.

The rest of the weekend I'll be out and about with my girl L, and then doing more wedding stuff. Sunday though, will be a study in bumology--me, the couch, football, and a beer or two. Just the way it's supposed to be, lol. Just for the weekend, I hope to forget about cancer and ovaries and pain.

Anyway, it's Friday. It's Payday. It's a great day. Hope yall have a good weekend. Stay blessed and fab.

Wednesday, November 07, 2007
Only Me
I swear some things can only happen to me. That's why I love my life so much. Just about everywhere I go is guaranteed embarassment, comedy, or an unfortunate mix of both.

Yesterday, I went to get my spa on to get my mind off of my health debacle. Had a big steamy mug of green tea at home, then off I went. It was my kind of beautiful day--chilly with the sun shining, everything and everyone looking happy. Just lovely. Got to the dayspa just fine, got my robe and got ready for another cup of tea. Umm, forgot the flippy flops that I usually take with me, so I was wearing their "disposables". Apparently me and thin footie fabric don't mix. I walked out of the dressing room toward the little tea table and slid into the damn thing. I didn't knock it down, but I have a big azz bruise on my right hip now to remind me to take small steps when I wear those things. Note to self: bring flippy flops or slippers next time. Do NOT wear the disposables. NO.

All was well, had my tea then settled in for a massage. You know massages are relaxing, right? Like you kind of forget where you are sometimes. I probably shouldn't even be telling yall this, but we're all family so it's okay. Umm, my masseuse lady was workin it out on my lower back. She could tell that I hold all of my tension there, cuz my muscles were basically in knots. Just a damn mess. I was all off in my la la land, listening to the Najee CD she had playing. It was all great. But I got too comfortable, and as she was working back up my spine it just happened. Yall, the gas. It came out. *rumble rumble* and it was loud. Like that record scratch sound you hear on TV when someone does some off the wall shit.
I was 'bout ready to crawl in a hole under the table and die a slow death. I mean a few tears came out and my face turned all kinds of red. I dont blush easily, but my face was on fire!!

I rolled over and tried to explain myself, even though my azz had done enough explaining already. "Umm, the tea. I drank green tea and didn't eat anything. I'm so sorry. Really. Ohmygod." The lady just looked at me and laughed. "Sweetie, it happens all the time, lay on your stomach. People get relaxed and all kinds of sounds and smells come out. It's okay. Relax"

I was still ready to sneak into a cave and hide for a while, but she just went back to doing what she does. The rest of the massage was great. I got a parrafin hand treatment and a facial, then went and did some browsing at the mall. I went and signed up for a pilates class and an advanced adult tap class at a place in Bethesda. I'm not teaching dance this season, and I can't function without having my tap shoes on for at least a few hours a week, so the tap class will be just the thing I need to help me get through everything :-)

All in all, it was a great day, but I swear...some stuff really only happens to me. And I'll never drink green tea before a massage ever again.

Tuesday, November 06, 2007
Spa Day!
It's been pretty rough going as of late, so I'm playing hooky and taking a spa day--just me and zero distractions with a good massage and facial. It's going to be a good day. I'll catch up with yall tomorrow!

Monday, November 05, 2007
Quiet Monday
Ladybugs are still red. All weekend, I've been hearing my little cousin's wise words; and truly they've never been more appropriate I guess.

I found out Friday that I do have the early stages of cervical cancer. It's very early and very treatable. So no chemo and no radiation right now, thank God. I have to have a procedure done that will basically burn the top layers of my cervix off, and therefore burn off all of the "damaged" (cancerous) cells (we hope). I hear it's an easy procedure, but we'll see. There will be lots of follow up before and after, to make sure the damaged cells don't spread. I also have a ginormous cyst on my left ovary. Like peanut sized, damn. It'll come off the same day that I have the other procedure done. So yay, I get to keep both of my ovaries! I really never thought I'd see the day that I make a statement like that.

It's still hard for me to put it in my mind that I have cancer. Tears come in spells, even today. I know I'm lucky that we caught it early, so my life doesn't have to change much, but I know that for everyone like me who gets a good prognosis, there's somone who gets it much much worse. So I don't know how to feel. Why was I lucky, and not my mom's best friend? Why was I lucky, and not my cousin? I feel almost paralyzed by my own diagnosis and prognosis. I want to crawl in a hole. That's what I did all weekend. Just bury myself in myself, if that makes sense to you. Going through the motions of being happy, but all the while trying to make sense of all of this. My world, spinning in the wrong direction.

I'm back to work today, and no one here knows except my boss. The world keeps moving. In the right direction. Just like my little cousin said, the grass is still green, the sky is still blue, and ladybugs are still red. D, our families, and our friends are helping me to get through this and keep going. We're still getting married, we're still gonna have kids, I'm still going to teach dance, and I'm still going to be a great best friend. This is just a blip on the radar, one of those mountains I have to climb to see the goodness on the other side. Yep. The world, and my life will go on. I'm lucky. I don't know what else to say. I don't know what else to do but cry sometimes. I'm happy, sad, everywhere in between.

Forgive me if this post is disconnected; I'm still trying to get right. Have a good day, happy Monday yall.

Friday, November 02, 2007
Friday Flashback
I'm a nervous mess cuz I get the pathology reports from the biopsy this afternoon. I can barely string a thought together after being told that it's urgen that I don't miss this appointment, so I'll leave you with this. It's Faith Evans, "Aint Nobody".

I'll be doing the usual this weekend...lunch or dinner with the girls, wedding stuff, house hunting stuff, date night with D, and catching a few zzzz's. Hope you all have a good weekend, stay blessed and fab.

Thursday, November 01, 2007
DurtyMo tagged me...

The rules of the game are:

A). Link to the person that tagged you and post the rules on your blog...
B). Share 7 random and/or weird facts about yourself...
C). Tag 7 random people at the end of your post and include links to their blogs...
D). Let each person know that they've been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

I don't know how much more random stuff I can share about myself, but here we go...

1. If I wear a pair of socks bowling, I won't wear them again. I know they "sanitize" the rented shoes, but I can't get myself to wear the socks again, no matter how much bleach and boiling water I use to wash them. Something about knowing that my socks have touched other people's foot germs...bleh.

2. I don't know how to play checkers. I can play chess with the best of them, but checkers is beyond my comprehension for some reason.

3. I broke my nose when I was 7 jumping double dutch. My shoelace got caught up in the rope and then my ankles got caught up and I hit the ground face first.

4. I've never eaten a corndog, and I don't plan on it. How in the name of Pete do you expect me to eat a hotdog surrounded by cornbread? I like cornbread, I like hotdogs, but the two together just doesn't compute for me.

5. I was a ski instructor during winter break one season. I only saw 3 other black folk the entire time, but it was probably the most fun I've had in cold weather.

6. I'm a makeup junkie. I probably have about $2000 worth of products in my vanity, but I hardly ever wear it. I'm just too lazy in the morning to bother, but drop me in Sephora and I'm happy.

7. I made a quilt from pieces of fabric that once belonged to the people I miss and love the most. I'll keep adding to it as long as I can, and I hope to pass it to my kids. It has a piece of my grandpa's old coveralls, my grandma's flannel nightie, my great aunt's driving glove, my other grandmother's apron, my other grandpa's workshirt, the shirt my dad was wearing when he became an American citizen, my mom's prom gown, my baby blanket, all of my siblings' baby blankets, and now a piece of D's army fatigues that I just added. It may not look like much, but I'm so proud of that quilt. I keep it tucked in our linen closet in archival paper cuz some of the fabric is so old.

I'm not going to tag anyone specific. If you want to play along, consider yourself tagged!