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Monday, November 05, 2007
Quiet Monday
Ladybugs are still red. All weekend, I've been hearing my little cousin's wise words; and truly they've never been more appropriate I guess.

I found out Friday that I do have the early stages of cervical cancer. It's very early and very treatable. So no chemo and no radiation right now, thank God. I have to have a procedure done that will basically burn the top layers of my cervix off, and therefore burn off all of the "damaged" (cancerous) cells (we hope). I hear it's an easy procedure, but we'll see. There will be lots of follow up before and after, to make sure the damaged cells don't spread. I also have a ginormous cyst on my left ovary. Like peanut sized, damn. It'll come off the same day that I have the other procedure done. So yay, I get to keep both of my ovaries! I really never thought I'd see the day that I make a statement like that.

It's still hard for me to put it in my mind that I have cancer. Tears come in spells, even today. I know I'm lucky that we caught it early, so my life doesn't have to change much, but I know that for everyone like me who gets a good prognosis, there's somone who gets it much much worse. So I don't know how to feel. Why was I lucky, and not my mom's best friend? Why was I lucky, and not my cousin? I feel almost paralyzed by my own diagnosis and prognosis. I want to crawl in a hole. That's what I did all weekend. Just bury myself in myself, if that makes sense to you. Going through the motions of being happy, but all the while trying to make sense of all of this. My world, spinning in the wrong direction.

I'm back to work today, and no one here knows except my boss. The world keeps moving. In the right direction. Just like my little cousin said, the grass is still green, the sky is still blue, and ladybugs are still red. D, our families, and our friends are helping me to get through this and keep going. We're still getting married, we're still gonna have kids, I'm still going to teach dance, and I'm still going to be a great best friend. This is just a blip on the radar, one of those mountains I have to climb to see the goodness on the other side. Yep. The world, and my life will go on. I'm lucky. I don't know what else to say. I don't know what else to do but cry sometimes. I'm happy, sad, everywhere in between.

Forgive me if this post is disconnected; I'm still trying to get right. Have a good day, happy Monday yall.


16 Comments:

Blogger DurtyMo said...

This post is not disconnected at all. You have no idea what your words may do/mean to someone else. Someone else may be going through but realize hey,
"this is just a blip on the radar" and by your words and actions may find themselves in a better place. Life is but a dream and with everything you're going through, I think you spirit is phenom! I'm with you in prayer.

Blogger Golden Silence said...

I am so glad it was detected early. Stay strong and remember that you will get through this.

Blogger Honey-Libra said...

It's so not disconnected...it's what you needed to get out and someone out here needed to hear it sometimes what you go through can help others but you know that :) Your in my prayers as you have been from day one before you let it be known what was goin on....Hmm so since you will def be on bed rest I'll send ya some soup via email LOL

Anonymous The Goddess said...

Thank goodness it was caught early. I wouldn't question your luck I would just be thankful (which I'm sure you are) that you were so fortunate. I will keep you in my prayers and wish you a super speedy recovery. Stay blessed.

((HUG)) Thankful it was caught early. Your cousin is right...everything is still....

I will keep you in my prayers and you will get through this.

Blogger Ms. Behaving said...

Nope...not disconnected @ all....

I know it's gotta take a lot for you to share what you are going through Tasha and it's only right that you don't quite know WHAT to feel right now -- [that you have so many mixed emotions].

I am happy to hear they were able to catch it early on -- [that treatment options are available to you].

It's gonna take some time for you to adjust but with D, your family, friends and us out here in the blogosphere by your side/in your corner, you will get through this [slowly but surely].

For whatever it may be worth, know that you're in our hearts, thoughts and prayers.

Blogger Mae B. said...

I agree with everyone thank goodness it was caught earlier. Sounds like your're having a LEEP procedure to remove the pre-cancerous changes it is 90% effective in stopping the spreading changes.Make sure you get plenty of vitamins and health foodstuff to help your recovery. I'm being nosey if you don't mind was to CIN I CIN II or CIN III?

Anonymous Sugar said...

What did I tell you? You are a strong, no-nonsense kind of woman and cancer is definitely some non-sense. You are going to kick it's butt and keep it moving! My sister had Leukemia and even after getting within 5 weeks of the end of her life, she's alive and has my niece to show for it! You will be just fine. Thank God it was detected early and I'm sure this is only going to make your love for D stronger than you even thought possible. Same for him.

Have your moments of sadness. You wouldn't be human if you didn't get a little sad, but one day this will all be distant memory.

Blogger Tasha said...

Thanks everyone for the love, it really means a lot.

@ Mae: It was CIN III(now carcinoma-in-situ), second LEEP. The doctors are being optimistic and trying the second LEEP as a method of treatment. Email me if you want to discuss further.

Blogger Pretty said...

((HUG)) Praise the Lord for early detection. You are in my prayers. You are right, this is hust a blip on your radar. Everything will go on in your life as planned.

Blogger PAJNSTL said...

love your spirit! The stance you've taken is so uplifting. hoping for the best for you!! and Yes Ladybugs ARE still red!

Blogger AR Gal said...

So sorry to hear this news but as everyone else has stated, I too am glad that it was caught early. You're a fighter! You're gonna whip it's ass!

(((BIG HUGS)))

Blogger Dana said...

...GOD is soooo good Tasha! .. i know that this news hits you hard , but think of the blessing in finding out early :).. that is such an amazing grace! .. from what i read in your blog .. you have been thru alot in your life- and you are a fighter ...keep fighting girl ! There are great things in store for you -- i wish you nothing but the best .... I am praying for you .. and I beleive in a healthy, strong, prosperous, Happy life for You :-) !!!

Blogger TNDRHRT said...

Will be praying for your strength throughout all of this. Hugs...

Blogger BK said...

chica.. I've been OUT OF TOUCH but.. holla at ya girl if you need some support.. *hugs*

Blogger BeautyinBaltimore said...

Tasha I know you will get through this. I truly wish you well.

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