Only Me

I swear some things can only happen to me. That's why I love my life so much. Just about everywhere I go is guaranteed embarassment, comedy, or an unfortunate mix of both.

Yesterday, I went to get my spa on to get my mind off of my health debacle. Had a big steamy mug of green tea at home, then off I went. It was my kind of beautiful day--chilly with the sun shining, everything and everyone looking happy. Just lovely. Got to the dayspa just fine, got my robe and got ready for another cup of tea. Umm, forgot the flippy flops that I usually take with me, so I was wearing their "disposables". Apparently me and thin footie fabric don't mix. I walked out of the dressing room toward the little tea table and slid into the damn thing. I didn't knock it down, but I have a big azz bruise on my right hip now to remind me to take small steps when I wear those things. Note to self: bring flippy flops or slippers next time. Do NOT wear the disposables. NO.

All was well, had my tea then settled in for a massage. You know massages are relaxing, right? Like you kind of forget where you are sometimes. I probably shouldn't even be telling yall this, but we're all family so it's okay. Umm, my masseuse lady was workin it out on my lower back. She could tell that I hold all of my tension there, cuz my muscles were basically in knots. Just a damn mess. I was all off in my la la land, listening to the Najee CD she had playing. It was all great. But I got too comfortable, and as she was working back up my spine it just happened. Yall, the gas. It came out. *rumble rumble* and it was loud. Like that record scratch sound you hear on TV when someone does some off the wall shit.
I was 'bout ready to crawl in a hole under the table and die a slow death. I mean a few tears came out and my face turned all kinds of red. I dont blush easily, but my face was on fire!!

I rolled over and tried to explain myself, even though my azz had done enough explaining already. "Umm, the tea. I drank green tea and didn't eat anything. I'm so sorry. Really. Ohmygod." The lady just looked at me and laughed. "Sweetie, it happens all the time, lay on your stomach. People get relaxed and all kinds of sounds and smells come out. It's okay. Relax"

I was still ready to sneak into a cave and hide for a while, but she just went back to doing what she does. The rest of the massage was great. I got a parrafin hand treatment and a facial, then went and did some browsing at the mall. I went and signed up for a pilates class and an advanced adult tap class at a place in Bethesda. I'm not teaching dance this season, and I can't function without having my tap shoes on for at least a few hours a week, so the tap class will be just the thing I need to help me get through everything :-)

All in all, it was a great day, but I swear...some stuff really only happens to me. And I'll never drink green tea before a massage ever again.