Somebody's Watchin' Me

I don't know if it's a result of the full moon this week, or if I suddenly look completely different but over the last week or so I've been being watched/stalked/accosted/whatever you wanna call it by a bunch of foreign men. I don't normally care since I've been approached by non-American men many times in the past, and they've always been really cool. Had a few good dates and what not, so this is not a case of xenophobia. But something this week is just different and these men are breaching all kinds of American "holla at a girl" customs and I'm left scratching my head in bewilderment.

I think it's time for me to boycott the gas station that I usually go to near my home. I usually stop in there on my way to the gym to pick up a bottle of water, and I'm there twice a week to fill up my gas tank--a 60 mile round trip commute makes the twice a week fill up necessary. So since I'm in there for some reason or another at least 4 times a week, I guess I'm considered one of the regulars. I recognize the people that work there and so forth. But lately, over the last week or so, one worker seems to ALWAYS be there--Middle Eastern dude. At least when I'm there anyway. Tuesday night I went in to get a bottle of water for the gym and he said, "Ahh yessss, beautiful lady friend. When you come in here you make me happy. Soooooo happy. I mean all of me is happy. When you off work? We go out sometime, yes? I would like your phone numbers". I just wrinkled up my face and walked out. Then last night I stopped to get gas on the way home and the same dude spotted my car and ran...I mean ran to the pump to talk to me. He pushed my hands all off the pump and said, "Get back in your car, I pump the gas". I swatted at him and told him I could handle it. He looked crazy in the face for a minute then frowned and walked back. Umm, ok.

Last night at the gym, I was on the treadmill working it out when two African dudes come out of nowhere and get on the treadmills on either side of me. Mind you, there were at least 25 other free treadmills in the place. I don't take well to people getting next to me when there is free space elsewhere. Don't intrude on my workout bubble. But they started talking between themselves about me like I don't speak English or something. Talking all loud about "look at that ass" and the typical nasty man stuff. Ehh. But then one said to me, "In my country you'd be my wife and we'd have babies". I heard him, but pointed at my headphones and pretended like I didn't hear him. So he tapped me on my shoulder, I looked at him and he said, "you have the body of a good wife. Hips to have babies with". I was done. I said, "I don't know about where you're from, but in my country, saying stuff like that can get you hurt. That is not a compliment". I got off the treadmill, told the front desk person to keep an eye on them since they were harassing me. I went to the weight machines, and here they come looking at me all googly eyed and lustful. They didn't say anything else, but I made the rest of my workout quick and hauled ass home.

This morning, I was up extra early so I went to the grocery store to get some fruit to snack on at work and one of the workers...Brazilian maybe(?) said to me, "Yess, you are here early. I wait for you on the weekends because your face is so beautiful I cannot forget it". Yall, dude knows my daggone grocery shopping schedule. WTF!? That's not a sexy thing to say to someone, and I'm pretty sure some dude from around the way wouldn't say mess like that. I rolled my eyes, got my fruit, and kept it moving. Ewwwwwwww.

I don't know if it's a cultural thing, but these dudes need to learn to holla right. As much as I hate it, I'd rather deal with "ay bay bay" or "pssst...shawty" than knowing some sketchy ass men are watching me. *shudder*. Full moon be damned. But just because I can, here's the video "Somebody's Watching Me" by Rockwell and Michael Jackson:

Whateva Wednesday

It is Wednesday, right? Just checkin, cuz I woke up all screwed up this morning. Walked right into the wall after I got out the bed, got the heel of my sandal caught in the hem of my skirt which sent me flying face first onto the kitchen floor. Yeah, whateva. But anyhoo, more stuff that's been on my mind about stuff...just stuff...whateva.

~I'm mad that more people aren't talking about the Jena Six, and even more angry that people are spending more time pontificating about friggin Mike Vic.k than these six boys' legal problems.

~I listen to the St.eve Har.vey Morning Show on the way to work, and they read letters from listeners and give advice. I'm so disappointed that women still write in asking if they should give their "man" another chance after he's dogged them out. Of course it's because she stilll looooovvvees him. Since when does love equal being dogged out and giving infinite chances? That makes me ill every time I hear stuff like that. Oh he cheated and had a child outside of your relationship while yall were together and you still love him?? Are you that damn desperate? Love yourselves ladies, no man is worth that much trouble. I promise.

~I'm really getting tired of people saying things to the effect of, "Your fiance is white, right?" when they hear about how D treats me. Is it really that tragic for black men to the point where no one thinks they can treat a woman with respect and loyalty?

~Black folks, we gotta take better care of ourselves. I know especially for women, being a lil thick is sexy but there's a way to be thick and healthy. Too many of us are walking around morbidly obese saying, "I'm thick" or some other BS. That's why sooo many of us have diabetes and high blood pressure, etc. Go outside, take a walk, play with your babies, put down that last piece of fried hamhock. Just do something other than lament about how it's getting harder to find clothes in your size. It's not just for vanity yall. No one said you need to look like the European standard of thinness, just be healthy. I've gone to a few too many funerals for our people that have died from preventable illnesses. Having "sugar" = having diabetes = you need to take care of yourself even better than before.

~What is the point of going into all kinds of crazy ass debt to buy a car you can't afford just to impress your co-workers? When your co-workers mostly drive Accords and Camrys, you look silly buying a brand new Benz and then bragging about how you live rent free now cuz you moved back in with your mama to afford your lifestyle. We're not laughing with you, we're laughing at you. That's not pimpin. That's triflin...although the terms can sometimes be interchangable.

~I'm finding out a lot about myself lately. I've come to realize that I have no patience for people who complain about their situation, but do nothing to change it. "Ugggh, I hate my job but I can't get nothing better." Well damn, have you been looking? Have you been taking the professional development classes that are offered at your job so you can go into the next interview with some extra knowledge and therefore an edge? Have you even updated your resume? Are you up on your interviewing skills? No, you just sit at your cubicle and complain loudly. I have zero patience.

~It makes me happy to read and hear about so many of my blogfam's kids doing well and being productive members of society rather than becoming statistics in training. Be proud of your children, you've raised them well.

~I signed up to be a mentor for middle school girls for another academic year. I'll also still be teaching dance to "my girls". I'm also organizing a group to help them purchase health insurance at a cheaper rate than an individual policy would cost. I'll be teaching a teen and college student financial education seminar and webinar in November (details forthcoming). Yeah, I contribute to the community (that's why I can rant about it). What do you do for your community or the world at large?

Whateva. It's Wednesday

Tagged!

I been tagged by a bunch of folk, so here goes:

THE RULES: Elaborate on the (bold) words below…

Accent – Combo of a Bronx and Upstate NY accent. Some people say I sound like a white girl with a lil bit of soul, lol. When I get around my Jamaican family, you can tell I gots that island blood in me though.

I Don’t Drink – orange juice with pulp. Just no.

Chore I Hate – cleaning the bathroom, even though I love the end result.

Pets – Does D count?? Seriously though, my chocolate lab pup.

Essential Electronic – I need my computer and internet.

Perfume/Cologne – Donna Karan Cashmere Mist. I usually buy 3 big bottles at a time.

Gold or silver – Silver. D knew better than to come with anything other than silver or white gold. I will wear gold around Christmastime though--family tradition.

Insomnia – I used to suffer with it, but now I sleep like a brick and can fall asleep any.damn.where except behind the wheel

Job Title – Reimbursement Analyst, and my boss is better known as Massa

Most Admired Trait – Physical: my smile. Character/Personality: My sense of humor and patience

Kids – I would like 3 and D cosigns on it. We'll see what happens in a few years

Religion – Raised Baptist, but I spend more time working on my personal relationship with God than I do participating in all the pomp and circumstance at church

Siblings – 1 brother, 2 half brothers, 10 step siblings

Time I wake up – 6:40 AM.

Unusual talent/skill – I can hold a pen and write with my right foot.

Vegetable I refuse to eat – turnips. I'll eat turnip greens, but the actual turnip itself needs to stay in the ground.

Worst habit – I crack my knuckles, ankles, hips, toes, shoulders, and my back. I don't know if it causes arthritis, but the noise drives people crazy

X-rays – More than I can count

My favorite meal – Prime rib cooked medium well with savory au jus, along with a baked potato with butter and sourcream and steamed veggies.


I'm tagging everyone on my blogroll who wants to play who hasn't already done this.

Weekend Recap

Happy Monday! I spent most of the weekend chilling and enjoying the weather. On Friday evening, D and I went to dinner with a former co-worker of mine from back home. She was in town on vacation with her kids and looking for jobs since she hopes to move down here soon. The dinner was nice, but her kids are something else! Her daughters are 14 and 16, and they have some mouth on them. They were cussing more than the rest of us, and the older daughter was going on about how she tried birth control but it didn't work. Based on the look from her mama's face she may as well have inserted foot in mouth. She tried to cover her tracks by saying "oh, I kept forgetting to take the pill, that's what I mean". I could tell that was some kinda lie. I'm sure her mama was all in her face about that after we had dinner and went our ways.

Saturday I handled a few outstanding errands, then took some 'me' time and went to the library and took out a bunch of books. I brought them home and spent the afternoon on the balcony reading and enjoying a few glasses of wine. Just lovely.

Sunday we went looking at cars for me, since I'm officially in the market again. My car is only a year old but it's not what I want. I kind of got roped into it after the accident last year, so I decided I'll bite the bullet and trade mine in to at least get what I really want. I might have to pay a little more per month, but at least I'll be driving something that's comfortable for me. Gotta pay to have what you want sometimes. Later on we went out to dinner and then hit the couch for some quality football time.

My mom called last night to shoot the breeze as usual, and the more I talk to her the more I realize just how silly she is. I love my mama!

Mom: "Have you ever seen someone and just want to smack the piss out of them?"

Me: "What!? Mom, you are on your gangsta lately"

Mom: "Child! I'm not in a gang!!"

Me: "That's not what I mean. But anyway, why do you want to smack someone?"

Mom: "Cuz she knows better than to walk in church with her big booty and huge mammy titties hanging out. That's the house of the Lord honey. The LORD. You don't dress like that. No damn home training"

Me: "I hear you. But isn't it just as bad to want to smack someone in His house?"

Mom: "This ain't bout me *laughs*"

Me: "Yes ma'am."

Mom: "Looking like Lacey Lottalumps the stripper or something. Like she left the club and went straight to church without changing."

Me: "Lacey Lottalumps? What in the world???"

Mom: "Yup. Her lacey bra was showing and she had a lotta lumps. You know cottage cheese type cellulite and stuff. I know it's not right to talk about people like that. But can you cover it up for a little while? Damn, at least wait till my breakfast is digested before you show that stuff off like that."

Me: "Wow. Just wow mom."

My mom is a damn fool sometimes, but ya can't help but love her. Anyhoo, hope yall had a good weekend! What'd you get into??

Fill in the blanks

I jacked this from Ms. Behavin...



1. I love... my life, my family, my friends, my D, and most important God.

2. Right now I want... to yank the nassssty lookin weave out of my co-worker's hair

3. I feel like... I want to go shopping.

4. I hate it when... my mother cries. I've only seen it happen 3 times that I can remember, and each time it tore me up.

5. I fear... dying and everyone's too busy to notice or care.

6. I'm lonely without... music. I don't mind being physically alone as long as I can listen to some good music.

7. I need... to find a job that's better able to engage my mind. Or better yet, quit and start my own business.

8. Today I... will probably go look at bridesmaids dresses after work with L.

9. Tomorrow I'm... not going to have to sleep alone. I hate police officers' overnight schedules!

10. I just... paid my cell phone bill.

11. I want to meet... Nelson Mandela.

12. I'm hungry for... grapes.

13. I love it when... D plays with my hair.

14. I'm afraid of... large crowds. I can't stand being in a packed concert venue and I can't see the doors.

15. I'm listening to... My client's phone menu options.

16. I'm wearing... gray pantsuit with burgundy blouse and burgundy peep toe shoes.

17. I wish I was in... my pj's wrapped up on a blanket on the sofa watching talk shows.

18. I'm craving... Hot chocolate. It's the end of August. That's a problem.

19. I want to get... closer to God.

20. I can... see someone getting a speeding ticket from my office window.

21. I can't... resist playing with my nieces and nephews.

22. I have... been able to forgive people when I probably shouldn't have.

23. I haven't... visited my grandparents' gravesites in over a year. I miss them too much to dig up the memories.

24. I'm too nervous to... tell my boss that her skirt is stuck in her pantyhose right now.

25. My Mom thinks/thought I was... going to be her problem child during my teen years, but is so proud of the woman I've become

26. My Dad thinks I'm... one of his own biological kids. (I consider my stepdad to be my dad)

27. My liver... Is probably still mad at me for those 8 shots in a row of 151 I did back in college.

28. I'm most happy when... I tap dance.

29. I'm sad when... people mistreat children.

30. I like eating... yup, I sure do!

31. I hate eating... cauliflower, cuz it makes my teeth feel funny.

32. I love watching... reality TV and home design shows.

33. I love listening to... music.

34. I like playing... Madden Football.

35. I hate waking up to... the sound of my alarm clock.

36. I can see... that it's time for me to make some professional changes.

37. I'm glad that.... my favorite websites are not blocked @ work.

38. I'm disappointed that... my mom just found out she has diabetes. She knew better than to keep throwing down on the candy. But I still love her more than life.

39. I look like... I need a nap.

40. I wish I looked like... how I look when it's time to go home.

Dem Days

I woke up feeling froggy this morning. Came to work wearing glasses instead of contacts--I usually only wear glasses at home or in chill mode. Dressed just regla'. Yeah, one of dem days. Not in a bad mood, not really in a great mood. Just ehh. It's raining and gray. All of that. I prolly should have stayed in bed this morning.

Actually, I know I should have. Cuz this morning, I really didn't care what came out of my mouth. You know, cuz I'm feeling kinda ehh. So what did my bright self go and do? When my boss came around to say 'good morning, how are you?' to everyone on the team, I kinda told her about herself and this team that we have.

Me: "I'm fine, but this team is a different story. There is so much catfighting and infighting going on that we've lost sight of the actual goal. Bitches (YUP, that shit slipped out my mouth!!) acting like they're supervisors when we all have the same damn title--Analyst. Not Jr., not Sr., sho' nuff not Executive. Nope. Just Analyst. That's what we ALL are on this team. So I'm letting it be known that if one jumps ugly at me and tries to tell me what to do again or gives me some attitude, I will NOT tolerate it. And YOU as a manager, should be doing a better job of watching your team so you know this mess is going on rampant. You should be mediating the problem."

Boss: "Ummm...Natasha...."

Me: "Look. I know I'm sorta quiet around these parts, but I do give a damn about what I do. And the people who are telling me how to do it don't give a damn and they're incompetent also. They couldn't make a decision on their very own if their jobs depended on it. Little lab rats running around dressed as supervisors. How you gonna tell me to use common sense when I have a question?? I guess that's cuz you don't have an answer of your own and your little training manual can't help. Lemme tell you...this job is a whole lot more complex than that lil piece of traning manual"

Boss: "We will have to discuss this later"

Me: "I'll set up a meeting with you then through Outlook"

Boss: "That sounds good. I'm so glad you're passionate about your job. We need that around here. You are really an asset to the team"


Ok, I'm confused now. I just got all over my boss cuz I'm slightly cranky, mostly "ehh", and under caffeinated. But she's taking that as a good thing, and I still have a job. Understand though, that the way I spoke to my boss is the culture here. If you don't speak up like that, you will get run over. I know some people would look at that and be like "Umm damn, that's waaaay unprofessional, Tasha. You know better than to act like a pissy 8 year old". Yup, it sure was unprofessional, cuz I work in an unprofessional locale. It's real gangsta here. Sometimes here you have to be a little rude to get what you need. Just don't ask. But that's another reason I need to get the hell out.

Uggh. Yeah, dem days.

I Do NOT Apologize For My Happiness

I talk about D a lot because he makes me happy and I love what we've created together and I'm looking forward to whatever comes our way--good or bad. My life is good all around, even though I have a job that I sometimes can't stand. I'm blessed in every aspect of my life, from my manicure down to my pedicure and everything internally and externally. My world is beautiful even when the sky is gray, even when I'm going through it and want the tears to go away. I'm happy. Period. And for that, I do NOT apologize. I don't care if my happiness appears saccharine to you, I don't care if you think I'm bragging. Hmmmm and while I'm on bragging...why is it bragging if I talk about something good, but if it's something sad or not great, I'm bearing my soul? Dammit, souls have good sides too.

All the things I've been through in my life don't entitle me to happiness, they only enhance it because I can appreciate happiness more because I know firsthand what it's like to live in misery. I've done people wrong, I've hurt them, and I accept responsibility for that, but that doesn't mean that I have to live my life in tears and sadness.

I've never been one to sit around and wait for happiness to come and roll up on me. I just don't understand how a woman can do that. Go find what puts that smile IN you, not just on your face. No man, no job, no thing can really make you happy until you're happy with yourself. You'll complain about the man, complain about the job, complain about the car, the shoes, the house even if they're the best in the world because you *ahem* ain't happy wit yaself. See, I'mma be happy whether I'm with D or without him. I'mma be happy whether I'm riding high in my corporate job or slangin' burgers at McD's. I'mma be happy whether I'm riding in a brand new whip or if I'm on the bus. I'mma be happy whether I'm in the house I own or if I lay my head on a cot at a homeless shelter. I'mma be happy. Period.

I don't apologize for my joy making anyone uncomfortable. I don't apologize for it making anyone angry. I don't apologize for being one of God's children. I don't apologize for knowing how to keep my head up when the world is trying to bring me down. Talk shit about me, be my friend. Be mad cuz I chose not to make you my man, be my husband. It doesn't matter, cuz I'm happy. Period. And for that I do NOT apologize.



Here's a picture of my D when he was fighting over in Afghanistan--yup he makes me happy, only cuz I was happy with me before there was a 'we':


He's the one on the bottom left side in the shades, the only black dude in the pic, LOL.

**Shouts to the troops still over in that region. We owe you!**

Friday Flashback

It's Friday and Payday! YAY!! I'm trying to figure out what happened to these boys. It's Another Bad Creation's "Iesha":



What are you up to this weekend? My parents are coming to visit, so I'll be chilling with them. It'll be the first time my step dad has seen me and D's place, so I'm kind of excited or something like that. Whatever you do, have fun and be blessed!

A La Bella Noire PSA

On 1969's blog yesterday, she had a PSA about anonymous comments (I'm too lazy to link the post, so visit her from my side bar). I also want to add to that. When you leave frequent anonymous comments on someone's blog haranguing and harassing and insulting them on one topic (I mean like 8-9 comments in a day type mess), it is considered harassment, which is a crime--usually a misdemeanor, but in some places a felony. If done across state lines, then it can become a federal matter. You can try to hide your IP address, but it will come to the light because your blog software's records can be subpoenaed.

I'm telling you all this because I had to deal with it myself. I know some of yall saw some of "anonymous"'s comments a few posts back insulting myself and my D, but there were more posts from that person that I deleted. Some of you said that it may be a case of the ex, and you were partially right. Without getting into too much detail, I had to notify the county police where I live because the comments were out of control. The person was hiding their IP address from sitemeter, which I use to track visitors to my blog, but with investigation the IP address, service provider, and the subcriber's name/address/etc has been revealed. The State Police (where this individual currently lives) were also notified through my county police, and I'm currently in the process of trying to get Blogger comment records subpoenaed, because I will be pressing charges. The comments have actually been going on for about 4 months, when this person and I ceased friendly contact. This is potentially a federal legal matter because of the interstate nature of the harassment.

You may think I'm taking this too far, but there are some other facets to the harassment (including threats over the phone that have been recorded) that factored into my decision.

My whole point in explaining all this is that there are other, more grown up ways to air your funk with someone. If you have some beef with the blog writer, take it up with them...don't leave ignorant ass anonymous blog comments, because they can catch up with you in a legal way. You probably never intended on screwing up your life when you try to exact verbal revenge against someone.

Just Stuff...

Awww hell... The randoms again

-Why when a woman is going through some things on the romantic side and is trying to figure out her place is she a victim and needs love and support, but when a man goes through the same things he's a dog and gets talked about like a piece of shit?

-If you have suspicions that the person you are dating is being less than honest, confront them. Don't try to turn into super-sleuth and go digging behind them for months. And don't let the problem fester for months. It wont get solved either way, and when/if you catch the person doing their dirt, you both look stupid because you were just as bad for spying and snooping. Especially if you know the relationship isn't headed for marriage or is just a fling...leave it alone. You'll end up less bitter in the end.

-If someone decides that they don't want to date you, that doesn't mean you're a bad person. And it gives you no reason to leave f**ked up comments on their blog because you're mad

-I need coffee

-I'm sick to death of seeing black people talk about how they're angry and we all have to fight. But when you ask them what they're fighting for, they have no idea. Why you militant son?

-Having lots of makeup on does not make you pretty

-Just because it's different from you doesn't make it bad

-Religion is NOT the same as having a personal relationship with God.

-Money can't buy happiness, but by looking at some people it apparently can buy a fugged up attitude

-There's a reason why you're 37 and single...you. If you stopped pigeonholing men the way you do and making them all sound like the scum of the earth and like neanderthal preschoolers, maybe one would give your dusty azz a chance.

-Is it mean of me to not give a damn about this girl's baby? She's a witch, and is trying to force her new baby down our throats.

-I can't wait till December--yay Hawaii vacation!

Blogger Block

I've got blogger block today. Every post I start doesn't look right, so I have a bunch saved in drafts for another day. I'm still on vacation (my couch is almost as good as the beach, lol) so I think my brain is on chill mode too. I'll be trolling around your stuff today, so leave me something good to read. I'm back to work tomorrow, so I'm sure I'll be back in the swing of things then. Enjoy your day yall!

Home again....

I'm playing hooky from work today. Sad, but I need a mental health day and it's only Monday, LOL. Guess I'll check out what all of you are writing about today. Be blessed!

Friday Flashback

Something a little different...it's Sade, "The Sweetest Taboo". She's always been one of my favorites:



Happy Friday!!

Adventures in Customer Service

Ugggh, I'm already not a fan of calling customer service for ANYTHING, but Com.c.ast makes me ill. Granted cable is not a necessary utility, but whatever. It's NFL Preseason and I need my NFL network. Something is wrong with our box, so only about half of the channels that we're supposed to have show up. We just got new service installed over the weekend, so naturally I'm pissed. Of course, it was my job to call the people to rectify the situation...

Customer Service Rep (CSR): Cable company. How can I help you?

Me: I'm calling because over half of our channels aren't coming in.

CSR: What do you mean aren't coming in?

Me: Ummmm...when you turn to a channel, there is no picture and a message saying to call and order that channel. But these channels are part of the package we ordered.

CSR: Well Is your bill up to date?

Me: The service is brand new and was just installed on Saturday. So it can't be past due. Shouldn't you have that information in front of you? I entered the account information on the automated system.

CSR: *Sigh* Well unplug the box for 45 seconds and plug it back in.

Me: Miss. We've already tried that. This is my fourth call. The three previous CSRs tried that and it didn't work. Shouldn't you have that information in front of you? You should be able to see that I called three times before now.

CSR: Are you asking for a credit on your bill?

Me: Did I ask for a credit? No. I want the cable service that I pay for. Maybe you can send a technician out to look at it.

CSR: Ummmm....

Me: ....Ok...

CSR: Ummmm.....

Me: *sigh* Can you send a technician out?

CSR: I can issue a $20 credit on your bill.

Me: Great. That's wonderful. Now what about getting my channels working properly?

CSR: Ma'am can you unplug your box for 45 seconds and plug it back in?

Me: If it didn't work the first three times, what makes you think it will work now?

CSR: Oh, you called about this problem before?

Me: Let me speak to your supervisor.

CSR: I should be able to assist you.

Me: Right. You should be able to, but you're not. Let's make this easy for the both of us. Can you send a technician out to look at it? My God, I switched back to yall from the dish for this?!

CSR: Thursday between 1:30-3:30

Me: Is that when the technician will come?

CSR: Friday between 8-12

Me: Are these the available times? Thursday is fine.

CSR: Ok. Thursday then. Is that all?

Me: Can I get a phone call to confirm the appointment?

CSR: Say what now?

Me: Nevermind.

CSR: Oh yeah, someone will call you Thursday to confirm the appointment.

Me: Thanks. You have a good evening.


Well at least I get to take the afternoon off from work to go deal with this. I hope for the love of everything good we can start bringing our customer service people back into the USA. This whole outsourced bit is killing me. I try to avoid calling toll-free numbers as much as possible because I know I'll usually end up in some ridiculous converstaion just to get a basic question answered.

Do you have any ridiculous customer service stories? Get at me in the comments

It takes a village

Last night while D was arguing with someone who left some ignant azz comments on my blog, I was IMing one of my nieces. She's 18, just graduated from high school and will be taking some classes at the community college in the fall while she decides what path she wants to take.

She's a great girl with a good head on her shoulders, but at the doing of her mother, she's very naive about the ways of the world. Her mother (my step sister) has refused to allow her to watch movies where there may be sex and the mention thereof. She also refused to allow her to participate in sex ed in school and won't discuss the subject with her kids (she also has a 16 year old boy and a 15 year old girl). If a movie is on at my house or wherever they may be, she will cover their eyes if there is kissing or anything remotely gratuitous or salacious. That's always been a point of contention between my step-sister and I. She's even asked that D and I refrain from hugging or sharing a quick kiss here and there while in the presence of her children.

Well during our IM convo, she came HARD with the questions. She, and a lot of my other nieces and nephews, have always come to me when they need real answers and non-judgemental support. That's just how it is. I guess since I'm the youngest aunt, I'm the cool one, lol. I'm just grateful they feel comfortable coming to me. Anyway, she's had this boyfriend for about 6 months now and she's had to hide the relationship from her mother. Every boyfriend she's had she's had to hide or introduce as a "study partner" or "lab group member". She's come to me and D trying to figure out how to hide the fact that they really like each other. I don't really condone hiding relationships like that, but in her situation I understand. If her mother knew that they're dating, she'd have a conniption. Because she won't allow her kids to date until age 21. We know the guy and he's a GREAT kid. He's in college locally making good grades, has a job, strong family, strong faith, great morals...all the things you can only wish your daughter to find. We've allowed them to come with us to the movies and bowling--under the guise of "group outings". At the movies we'll let them sit together and we'll go find our own seats--I remember being 18 and wanting some modicum of privacy. For that she's truly grateful.

Last night, she started asking about the emotional side of relationships, love, and sex. About a year ago, I had to explain all of the biological stuff to her, because she was really out in the wilderness of ignorance. I guess her mother figures if they don't know, they won't participate. Anyhoo, she told me that she's definitely not ready to have sex, but she wanted to know about the good, bad, and ugly feelings that sometimes accompany a relationship. She said she tried to ask her mother about that stuff, but was cut off before the first question could get out of her mouth with "This is not up for discussion. No sex." Poor baby. I answered honestly, and gave her the rundown of maintaining your worth and dignity, as well as how to spot a player and beat him at his game. She was so grateful to have this information, and said that the information I've given has kept her from being in the same spot that a lot of her friends are in. I guess I'm doing something right.

My step sister was a teen mother, and doesn't want to see her kids end up the same way so she shelters them from everything, even at the detriment of their personal growth. I understand her intentions, but I believe that sometimes shielding them from the world will backfire. Not just for her, but in general. How many times have you seen young people who are completely ignorant to the ways of the world end up pregnant too young or worse because they weren't armed with the correct information to be able to protect themselves. I understand not wanting to let your babies grow up, but at some point you have to make sure that they can function sucessfully in this world we live in. Sure, some lessons you do have to learn the hard way or learn from experience, but sending them out into the world unprepared is just as bad as sending them out with information overload and bad examples to follow. An ignorant mind is easily polluted. They will listen to the first person they think they can trust and end up in a situation they can't get out of.

I know I can't do everything for everyone, but I hope at least being the "cool aunt" and answering questions will help someone

The Comment Box

The comment box is out of control lately with all the crazy azz comments. Not just on my blog but on a number of others' as well. *Ding Ding Ding* Everybody back to your corners.

That is all.

In the Upper Rooooom

Dear Sweet Elderly Church Lady,

Thanks so much for stopping me as I was walking into the grocery store yesterday to examine my religious beliefs. It's so nice of you to look after my soul. But let me break a few things down to you.

I wasn't doing the Holy Ghost dance as you were reading scriptures to me. That was the Pee Pee dance. I was trying to run into the store to the restroom and then do my shopping. That's why I was crying. Well, that and your perfume was choking me to death. I'm not sure if your olfactory sense has been damaged, but when it's 95+ degrees outside with a humidity/heat index of 100+, it's not a smart idea to douse yourself in potpourri scented eau de parfum. The heat intensifies the smell. Maybe that's your plan, to allow your way-flowery smell to rangle people into submission?

It's not nice to tell perfect strangers that they're going to Hell in a handbasket. I'm pretty sure that your religion dictates that you not do that. I know I do some things that don't tickle your fancy--like working outside of the home and cussing like a sailor sometimes, but I'll let the "big rulemaker" decide where I spend eternity and if I go there in a basket or not.

I'm a bit of a germophobe. I don't like people I don't know to touch me, so don't take it personally that I swatted your hand out of my face. Where I'm from, when people put their hands in someone's face, something is about to pop off. You didn't have to bring my mother into it and say, "your mother must not have taught you how to act like a lady". That's where you messed up. Don't talk about my mama. I don't care who or how old you are. So again, don't take it personally that I called you a 'fuckin flaming crazy ass old bitty'. You really caught me at a bad time.

Again, I'm sorry that our encounter was less than pleasant. Really, I am. But a word of advice--don't approach the girl who's running toward the door sweating from the nasty muggy weather with the angry black woman face. It's not a good idea.

Peace and blessings,

Tasha

Monday Randoms...

The random rant-type ish on my mind this morning....

-I have a foul mouth today, my apologies in advance.

-It's about to be on like Donkey Kong in this office plantation place today. This girl who rubs me ALL kinds of wrong is back from maternity leave today. Who the f**k only takes 2 weeks because they LOVE their job (which they swear up and down they're over qualified for)?? And they moved her seat right over next to my cubicle. My co workers know that I will walk out this bitch if she says something wrong to me. Her and I, as well as her and several other co-workers have had som nasty run ins. Jesus, take the wheel.

-Why does my "big boss" insist upon calling me Tashie? I hate that shyt and I've already corrected her a bunch of times. Tashie? Seriously, WTF is a Tashie?? That sounds like a Poke.m.on character. Tashie and Pika-damn-chu. Cute, right? I'm a grown azz woman, don't call me something you'd call your 4 year old child.

-The weekend is two days long. Every week. Saturday and Sunday. That's just how it is. 52 weekends a year, all have 2 days. We all know this. So there is no reason for you to come up in the office like you do EVERY damn Monday and say..."Ugh. I wish the weekend were longer!"

-It's not okay to go to the BBQ place and order 2 slabs of ribs, mac and cheese, and some BBQ chicken for yourself when you weigh 400+ lbs. Me and D went to a yummy BBQ place on Saturday and we saw a bunch of XXXXL people eating large plates of ribs and one was sitting on 2 chairs because she could not fit on one. Go ahead and get your grub on, but at some point you gotta re-evaluate your food choices or at least how much of it goes in your mouth. I'm not trying to be mean, I'm just trying to help you stay alive bruh.

-Family is the worst to lend money to. I loaned my niece $500 in December. She was supposed to pay it back this weekend, but came up with some sob story about how she had to buy a tire for her man's car. UMMMM, riiiiiight. That's why you have a brand new Ka.te Sp.ade bag on your shoulder. Next up on the People's Court...

-Ex-girlfriend...stop emailing my dude. I really don't care if you're friends and still close with the family. It makes me uncomfortable. Yeah I said it. I tried to stifle it, because I know that there's nothing going on (and I have spies EVERYWHERE...yes honey, even at your job). But the fact that you feel the need to contact him that often bothers the hell out of me. Oh and stop trying to be a f**king hero to everyone, and be one to yourself and do yourself a favor. Pamper yourself. Treat yourself to something nice. People don't appreciate someone who's always got something to prove. You have a GREAT job and a GREAT family. Be proud. You've already proven enough. And please, let him go. One of yall needs to respect MY feelings in this and cut the umbilical cord.

-So R. Kelly finally got a trial date. Let's see how that shit plays out.

-It's 10AM and I need a drink. I see what kind of week this is going to be.

-You are not my mama. Bitch, I am a grown ass woman. DO not, and I repeat DO NOT tell me how to live my life when your shit is the most fucked up, foul azz, convoluted shit in the world. I may be young, but I am far far from ignorant. I have seen and done more stuff in my 24 and a half years than you will EVER do in the rest of your rusty azz days. Bacdafuccup heifer.

-You triflin azz piece of woman. YOU are the reason why you can't get ahead in life. The hard work it takes to get promoted and move up the corporate ranks doesn't involve being on your knees or on your back. Yeah, you got the supervisor position because you put in that work, but you lost the position two months later because we all saw how much of a piss poor leader you are.

-Maryland and New Jersey, please revamp your driver's license requirements. You keep spitting out drivers that really can't hold their own on the road.

-You can't get a good man because you are a piece of shit woman. You put your pussy needs ahead of your children and let them suffer so you could "get yours". NO man wants to be associated with that for the long haul. Please get to talking to Jesus ASAP.

-Bed, how I long to be with you this morning. It was a harsh break up this morning, I know with the alarm clock blaring and my scared azz jumping up like a fool. I promise, it'll be better next time...

Friday Flashback

This has alwasy been one of my favorites. It's "Rebirth of Slick (cool like dat)" by Digable Planets. I get sooo mad when Michael Baisden effs it up on his radio show, lol.



Happy Friday!!!

Prayerfully...

No post today. Instead, just a reminder to say a prayer for the people affected by the Minneapolis bridge collapse yesterday. Also, if you can, please donate to the American Red Cross to help the victims and their families. Ray, my friend in Minneapolis (he is okay thankfully) has instructions on how to do so.

Ask Me

Over the last few weeks, I've been getting a lot of emails from people asking me for advice and/or my opinion on a subject. Great. I'm not 'Dear Abby', so I'm sure my advice is kinda crazy at times, but I do my best to answer unbiased and honestly. I got permission from a few people to post their questions and my answers, so here goes...


"Dear Tasha,
Maybe you can help me here. I'm inspired by the love you and D have for each other, and I'm trying to find a good guy to settle down and build a life with as well, but am not having much luck. I'm a 26 year old African-American female with no children. I work out regularly, dress nicely, wear nice makeup and perfumes, keep my hair up, and just always look put together. I also am VERY independent, educated, and have a good job that pays well. Why do you think I'm batting zero? -K.R."

Hi K.R., thanks for the kind words about D and myself. I'm glad you're inspired by us, but please don't try to be us--what works for us might not work for everyone. Anyway, you say you always look put together but I have to ask...are you really put together or do you just look like you are? If you're not really put together, then you're just putting on a front for the world. Real, good men like a real, good woman. So that doesn't mean you need to air your issues out for all to see, but understand that a REAL man is more interested in what's going on in her heart and her mind than he is in how put together she looks. Trust me, the man that's worth keeping won't mind if your hair is out of place every now and again. Also, you wrote nothing about your character traits, but you have a laundry list of your appearance "greats". If you focus on your looks and your "have it together" act to the exclusion of other traits, then you come off as pretensious, stuck up, shallow, and unapproachable. What's good is it if you look good but no one wants to be near you because you have a jacked-up attitude (or look like you have one)?

Yes it is true that most men respect and adore women who are confident in themselves and are assertive and don't mind working hard to get what they want, but they don't like a woman who is so independent that she seems to have no use for him. A man likes to feel wanted and needed sometimes. Yes, be strong and handle yours, but don't play that "independent woman" card so hard that it backfires on you and leaves you all alone.

I also want you to ask yourself what you would bring to a relationship. What besides your independence, education, and good looks? Are you loyal? Are you honest? Are you able to leave your emotional baggage at the door? If you're unable to answer those essential types of questions, then you will continually attract men who don't have answers to those questions (in regards to themselves) either.

Be aware of what vibes you're putting out in the world and don't limit yourself. Be the very best YOU that you can be and continue to work on and love yourself, and the right man will come to you.

-Tasha


"Dear Tasha,
I'm all caught up with these three men. Girl I'm trying to get my life figured out cos I want to get married and have some babies. But I'm in a bad triangle. I met this dude at the club and we get along good but I'm not feelin him like that. we have raw sex often and i don't want to stop that because it's good. but I don't want tos string him along either cos I'm not feeling him like i said. And there's another guy who I like alot but he's emotionally unavailable and he doesn't know i like him. Im' afraid to tell him so. We've had raw sex a few times and I'm scakred he thinks I'm a hoe. And this other guy is just sexual. He makes me feel so free in bed. I like the second guy a lot but I think I messed up my chance. What do I do? Help me. -T.N."

Ummm. Wow. This is going to sound harsh, but let me start with saying CLOSE YOUR LEGS so you can clear your mind. Why are you having sex with all these men? I'm all for having your fun, but sleeping around the way you are will get you sick or worse. If you're going to continue to behave like that I beg you to use protection!! Condoms are cheeeeap and if you go to certain places, they're free. USE THEM. Demand that much respect, because you're not doing a good job demanding it otherwise.

Also, instead of opening your legs, try opening your mouth. If you don't like the first guy from the club in a romantic way, then tell him that. The sex will probably dry up, but that's what you need right now anyway. Ok, so you lose good dick...so what. I'd rather have my self-respect than good dick anyday. You can get some AA batteries and some astroglide to replace that. With the second dude, how do you know he's emotionally unavailable? Seems like you're just going on fear. If you have a grown up conversation with him, you might find out that he likes you but was feeling awkward about your sexual encounters. Just be a woman and let him know how you feel.

The third guy...I can't tell you what to do with that. But if you're looking for marriage, he's going to have to go at some point. If you're woman enough to have your fun while you're dating, then do that and just make sure you do it safely. I will club that BE SAFE message over your head with a baseball bat if I have to. I don't want to see another unwanted baby or HIV victim.

The best thing I can tell you to do in the meantime is to sort out what you really are looking for in a relationship. If it's the second guy, go for it, but keep your legs closed so sex doesn't cloud your judgement. Remember, a woman will only get as much respect from a man as she demands from him. If you act like a hoe, he will treat you in kind. If you act like a classy lady and explain your needs like a real woman, he will treat you as such.

I'll be praying for you.

-Tasha





OK...if yall have anything to add or if you completely disagree with what I said, get at me in the comments!