I Quit Dis Bitch!!

The Offices of La Bella Noire

February 28, 2007


Tom
Myspace.com
Somewhere on the Internets, USA


Dear Tom,

I am writing to inform you that effective immediately, I am resigning from my position as a member and "friend" of your website.

This decision was difficult for me, as I have mostly enjoyed my tenure with this organization. After much decision, I've decided to move on to Fac.ebook or perhaps another site, but it is beneficial for the both of us if I end this relationship now.

Everything with us started well, posting pictures and locating old friends. But after a few months, the foolishness started. A friend request from "Jessica" started the downspiral. I checked her profile to see if it was someone I knew, and I saw all kinds of images that are unfit for human viewing. In the months following, I got many many similar friend requests to the point that they were spam. I also got many requests from profiles that "no longer existed".

That didn't bother me so much, but 'Space, you failed me miserably. I thought you were supposed to be on the lookout for nassy sexual predators. I know I'm nowhere close to 13 or 14 years old, but I thought you were here to protect us kinda old heads too. See, "Datnygga", "Shlonglonggin", "69_ways2_moan", and a number of other special individuals all sent me messages with varying degrees of indecent proposition in them. Even after denying their requests, ignoring messages, and sending angry messages in retort, some still refused to leave me alone. I veribly wish you wouldn't have allowed them to approach unsuspecting females in that manner.

While I know this isn't your fault, all the grown people with kids who still pose in nearly X-rated photos is appaling. I don't want to see a "big booty gyal" picture and then "mommy of the year" when I scroll down. I also dislike seeing people in relationship drama over their space on the "Top #" or because of a comment someone left. Again, while I recognize you are not totally at fault for this, I have been disenchanted because of this.

I have real life, flesh-and-blood friends, and because of Crackspace, I've been able to reconnect with quite a few of them. For this I am thankful, but it is now time for me to move on to less dramatic pastures.

If I can be of any assistance in the future, please feel free to contact me. Thank you again for such an interesting experience. Good luck in your future endeavors.

Respectfully Submitted,
La Bella Noire

Random Randoms

And these are the things that cross my mind...

~It's funny how we complain about being bored at work, but the minute we get a bunch of work to do, we complain about being to busy

~Chinese food restaurants shouldn't be in business to sell "Chicken Fried Collard Greens". No. As a matter of fact, Hell Naw!

~I love how we are now

~How did N.ike come up with the swoosh symbol?

~I'm getting too used to functioning on little sleep again

~I think I'm being stalked by Jehov.ah's Witnesses. They keep leaving reading material at my door

~Under.Armour is the best stuff ever to work out in

~Can hip-hop go back to it's glory days?

~I've been feenin for real White Castle and Nathan's

~I can't believe that fool was serious asking me for a Playstation 3 and got mad when I told him no. Family can be on some other stuff

~These people at work think I'm letting them get away with the okie doke. I can't wait till next week to give them their reviews

~I'm glad she felt comfortable enough to talk to me. Poor youngin

~I can't believe I'm going to be working, grad schooling it, and trying to do EMT school all at the same time

~I'm so excited the bestest is engaged!

~Don't ever eat suhsi and drink vodka and sake during the same meal. Trust me. Ol' boy gonna be feelin that for a while

~I'm not a sellout because I like rock music as much as I do hip hop and reggae

~Can you please explain to me how I sound white when I talk? How does that sound really? Yeah, I form complete sentences muhfugga, lol.

~She needs to stop being worried about that drama and focus on her child

~Vacation is calling me--only 6 more weeks.

~I'm ready to get another tattoo

~Now having kids doesn't sound like such a terrible thing. Ohmygoodness, I can't believe I'm saying that

~Gasoline is really the same no matter where you buy it, so why in Montgomery County, Fairfax County, etc is it so damn expensive compared to say...Laurel??

~Is it now the cool thing to tell people just how bougie you are?

~You asked me if you could borrow $20 last week, now you just bought a car?? Where is my money heffa!?

~My cat is turning slowly into Garfield. Maybe there's a feline gym or something?

~It's about damn time that Brother and I start getting along

~What does the K in K-Mart stand for

~I guess I should send out the evites for my bday party

~Birthday Countdown: 8 days

Weekend Recap

This weekend went by entirely too fast for my liking, but was still pretty good. On Friday I was supposed to go to happy hour with a bunch of my co-workers, but they left work 45 minutes before I did, so when it was time for me to leave I didn't even bother with it. I'm not all close with them anyway, so I wasn't all hearbroken from not going. Instead, I went up to Baltimore to visit Brother Bella and chatted with Midwesta on the phone to keep me company during my drive.

Brother Bella and I finished our conversation from last weekend that we were too frazzled to handle at that point. Turns out there have been a lot of miscommunications and misunderstandings between us that once we explained our side of things, shouldn't have gotten as ugly as they did. No siblings should be on the outs like we once were. I'm glad we got all of that cleared up, especially since we've become really close since I moved here. Once we talked, we played a quick game of Madden and for the first time ever, I managed to whoop his team into oblivion! Yeah that's right, I play video games too. After that we met up with his girl, PoliceBoy, and a few other friends for dinner. Today is Brother Bella's birthday, so we wanted to extend the celebration into the weekend.

After dinner, PoliceBoy and I went to a little lounge spot in B-more, chatted and had a few drinks. We were entertained by some drunk couple arguing over who was drunker and who's turn it was to call the taxi to take them home. I don't think I've ever seen something quite so amusing between grown-ass people ever in my life--

Man: "But baaaaaby, I wanna call the cab"

Lady: "N**ga, I already done tol' u I got dis. You too drunk. They won't unnastand you"

Man: "Da Fuck!? You pissy ass drunk. I'm only just drunk. I'm not even drunk. I'm feelin gooood. Niiice, n'aa mean?"

Bartender: "Where are you two headed?"

Man: "Fells Point"

Bartender: "OK"

Man: "Baby, stop lookin at me like that. I'm not drunk! I'mma call da taxi ok? Barman, lemme get another Patron or a Henny and Coke"

Bartender: "Nope. You two are cut off. But your taxi is waiting outside"

Woman: "Da Fuck!? Baby, when did you call the taxi? Shit, we coulda just got a hack"

Man: "I aint call no one"

Bartender: "I did. Now go get in your taxi and have a good night"

I wish one of our phones could capture video, cuz that would have been perfect foolish you.tube material. We left there and went back to his place and completely crashed.

We didn't get up until 2 Saturday afternoon, but it felt good to sleep in. We ran a bunch of errands that afternoon, and I managed to get him to go to the nail shop with me. He sat next to me as I got my eyebrows waxed and I heard him cringe and yelp just a bit each time the strip was pulled off. When I asked him what was wrong he said, "Tasha, some stuff just ain't worth all the pain. Eyebrows are one of those things. You're a stronger person than me cuz I'll be damned if some little woman comes all in my face with hot wax and a little piece of linen thinking I'm okay with that mess. Naaah, my sisters cornered me and jacked my eyebrows all up when I was very young. I'm still traumatized. But you do what works for you baby." We both got pedicures and went on about the day.

Later on we went and saw "Breach" at Columbia Mall. That place needs some extra auxiliary parking or something...people get renegade and leave their vehicle anywhere that it kinda fits and don't give a hot damn. The movie was quite good, and I was impressed that they actually filmed here instead of creating an I-66 and I-495 replica in Hollywood. In the lobby of the theater there were a bunch of high school kids trying all hard to impress each other. It was painfully obvious that they weren't yet comfortable in their own skin and were looking for that "I'm cool" brand of acceptance. You couldn't get me to go back to that phase in life for a million dollars. Nah son, no breaking my neck to try to get the quarterback to think I'm cute. Oh hell naw, lol.

Sunday we woke up to falling snow. I got kinda homesick for a while because the way the snow was falling and how fast it accumulated reminded me of back home. PoliceBoy could see I was feeling a little sad so he took me outside and we built a snowman and had a snowball fight. It was too much fun--I felt like a little girl again for just a little while. No worries about bills, and business, etc.

After our tryst in the snow, I went back home and caught up on some paperwork and stuff--the stuff I couldn't put off anymore but was trying to avoid like the plague. I finally finished my taxes, and all I can say is Thank You Maryland! I watched the Oscars of course then went to bed. Yay Forest and Jennifer!! Yay Hollywood for recognizing talent over skincolor, at least in those categories!

Hope yall had a good weekend!


***Happy Birthday Brother!! I love you!***
Countdown to my Birthday: 9 days!

Fast Food Nation, Tyson's Corner Style

Just how many people does it take to run a McDonald's drive through at lunch time?

I'm still trying to figure out the answer to this question. I was starving and didn't want to eat lunch at the onsite nasty wannabe carryout, so I took a trip to the Golden Arches near my job in Vienna, just by Tyson's Corner Mall, and I was simply confused by the goings-on at the drive-thru. Instead of talking to the speakerbox like normal, there were three people walking up to the cars and taking orders before they got to the speakerbox order form thingy.

Ol' girl came up to my car, asked what I wanted. I'm don't eat at McDonald's like that, so I need the aid of a menu, but this chick was not having it. So I had to order from my memory of the last time I was there. She was like "Ok, you pay cash or charge?"

Me: "Da Hell?? Cash."

Then she wrote down the total on a little green slip of post-it paper and stuck it to my side mirror and told me to go to the first window. I was all kinds of confused with that because I didn't see her enter anything into a computer or use a calculator to figure out my total, but I just drove around as I was told.

I drove around, and before I could even get to the window, I saw two females in their McDonald's finest with change belts around their waists. One came up to my car, looked at the total written on the post-it on my mirror and asked me for my payment. I gave her my money and she made change from her bat-belt, took my post-it and sent me to the second window to get my food.

I got to the second window and someone inside handed me my food and drink, but standing just outside the window, there were two people--one handing out napkins, and one handing out condiments. I was so confused getting handed things by three different people, sadly none of whom seemed to be able to speak english (I'd said no ketchup repeatedly, but ended up with some in my hand anyway).

What happened to the days where you speak into the speakerbox, go to the window and pay, then grab your food and run? I remember a while back seeing a few McD's with promises of having you out of their lunch drive-thru line in 90 seconds, but you still spoke into a speaker and all that. Seriously, I'm wondering if they mistakenly hired too many people during Christmastime, and didn't have the gall to fire them all, so they made up shit for them to do. The extra people just made the drive thru experience slow and ass-backwards feeling.

Do any other McDonald's do this mess? What's the purpose?

Friday Flashback

Up this week, Kid N Play "Ain't Gonna Hurt Nobody":


Happy Friday!!

Check Your Girl!

Ring. Ring.

"Hello?"

"Yeah, is this Tasha?"

"Yeah, and why?"

"Do you know Sean?"

"What?"

"Girl. Do you know Sean Lastname?"

"Yeah, that's my cousin. Who is this?"

"Well I saw you texted him 'I love you' yesterday. So I had to check"

---silence---

9:00 this morning my cellphone was ringing and I had this exchange with some chick my cousin is dating. Well, probably after today they won't be dating anymore. I should be mad at her for calling me while I'm at work trying to start some ruckus. But I'm really sad for her.

I know a lot of females who have been on the receiving end of phonecalls like that and more often than not, the offending male is a cousin or some other non-sexual person in her life. It's so sad that chicks feel insecure with their men to the point that they will call up a complete stranger to cuss them out for taking her man.

If you are worried about that, then he isn't your man to begin with. There is no way in my ever loving life that I'm going to call up some female that I think MY MAN is cheating with and cuss her out, especially before I scream on him about it. See, I kept talking to the chick who called me, and found out that she hadn't even confronted my cousin about his suspected cheating but was instead tracking down every person he called or texted who had a phone number that she didn't recognize.

I asked her what stalking random people was going to do for her relationship, and she couldn't give me much of a coherent answer. She kept saying something about "he's gotta earn my trust", but was struggling when I said she has to give him the chance to do so. Checking up behind him all the time isn't trustworthy, and once he finds out she's been snooping around his stuff, he'll NEVER trust her.

I had to ask her, with snooping around and being suspect of him all the time, what kind of effort was she putting into making the relationship grow. All she could tell me was that she wouldn't let him disrespect her. Nothing about how she loves him, respects him, and vice versa. It became clear to me that she was more interested in keeping a man, no matter what, than being a good girlfriend and allowing trust to permeate her relationship.

It makes me sick when I see women lower themselves to initiating conversations like this, or getting straight stalker on a man. I always hear about chicks waiting for ol' boy out in the bushes, or her calling every woman in his phone, or other dumb mess like that and I never understood the purpose. Maybe I'm just wrong for thinking it's easier to just ask, and if you get a sideways ass answer, than just leave. Setting yourself up to be hurt or to make yourself look stupid is never cute.

Anyhoo, I'd spoken to her man (my cousin) a few days ago, and he told me that he's planning on proposing to her this weekend and he's got an elaborate setup planned out, so he's nervous. I don't want to call him today and tell him that his girl's blown a headgasket--I'm not trying to get caught up in some unneeded drama. I just hope she chills the hell out until Saturday--it'd be terrible if her own dumb ass actions were what keep her from potential happiness.

Black History Thoughts...

I got back a little while ago from a long lunch with a few friends and co-workers. Somehow the topic of Black History Month came up and we got to talking about how our "heroes" our represented, and about the whole vibe of the month in general.

One person raised an interesting point. She said that Black History Month is little more than a curriculum addition for elemetary school children, a marketing ploy for the Coca.Cola company, and an excuse for employers to dust off their diversity plans.

I can't say that I disagree with her. I remember when I was in Kindergarten until about probably third or fourth grade, every February there would be Black History Month posters and stuff all over the room. There were the obligatory picures of the likes of Dr. MLK, Jr., Rosa Parks, Frederick Douglass, and Harriet Tubman hung on the windows next to the Valentine's Day hearts. Of course we had to do a book report or present a piece about one of the prominent "Black History Month Heroes" (in costume of course), and we learned the words to "Lift Ev'ry Voice". That was all well and good, after all, there's only so much a six year old will absorb. But once I got to middle and high school, there was no more of that. (And apparently I was lucky to get what I got in elementary according to some people) There was no special BHM lesson unless your unit on the slave trade just happened to fall in February. You'd hear "Oh yeah, there were some slaves, they got treated badly..." if you were lucky.

As for Coca-Cola marketing ploys, I'm so inclined to agree. During the superbowl, I kept seeing these commercials that were devoid of much other than timeline facts then of course something about how Coke celebrates black history. I'm fairly certain Coke was just trying to cloy at our heartstrings and sell more product, I'm sure they don't give a damn about real black history.

Employment wise, I have no comment because my company refuses to acknowledge BHM. I have worked for some that do, and they usually do dust off the diversity manual and have a program that deals with black history and there's a motivational speaker who explains how he succeeded in life despite being held down by racial chains. I suppose that's all well and good, but I wonder if anyone truly pays attention.

Like I said, I see where she was coming from with her comments. But my own issue with BHM comes from the fact that we as a people (I mean black folks--and SOME, NOT ALL) tend to complain about how we got the shortest month of the year to celebrate our history, but so few of us actually bother to honor our past. Many times it appears that more non-black teachers, etc are teaching our little ones about their history and who they are, rather than they learn from the people that look like them. The general apathy toward our history worries me. Of course I don't want every black person to walk outside and throw a fist up in the air in Black Power solidarity, but damn...at least give honor to those black folk who came before us. We also need to recognize that the alpha and omega of black history aren't the people that we hear about often. Black History also encompasses the stories of our ancestors--our parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and so on. By not continuing to give voice to their stories, we insult their legacy. We insult the very thing that makes us who we are and unites us.

I proudly tell the stories that my grandparents told me, especially because they are no longer with us. So in order for their history to be passed on, someone has to take the initiative and re-tell the stories, share the pictures, and recant the memories. Please don't get me wrong, I appreciate all of what the big-name "heroes" have done, but I also appreciate and honor my great-grandparents for being so responsibile as to hold on to the real estate they were given and pass it down through my family. I'm proud that my great-uncle flew with Tuskeegee Airmen. I'm proud that my grandmother taught her mother to read, and was the first in her family from Jamaica to attend college. I appreciate my step-granddaddy (who recently passed away at age 105) for raising his family on the farm. I appreciate all the stories that I've been told that I'm able to recount anytime. Yeah, that's my history and I'm damn proud of it.

Every day I walk out of my door, I'm creating some type of history. And I keep in the back of my mind that my ancestors stood in and walked through the fire so that I wouldn't have to. They did what they had to do, so I can do the things I want to do. Me doing anything less than my best in every arena of my life would be the same as me walking up to one of them and saying, "Your struggle means nothing to me".

I'm sooo sad when I hear kids say that Dr. MLK, Jr. was an abolitionist or they don't know who Rosa Parks was. I'm even more sad when kids don't know what their own family fabric is made of--and that's the most important history they have. When they can't tell me if they have goals and ambitions, I'm sad for their elders, I'm sad for everything people went through to assure those kids had a future that didn't involve getting lynched or worse.

I know I'm kind of rambling now, so I'm going to cut this off... All I can say is please make sure you use this month to learn about your own history, not just the history "they" want you to know.

Long Weekend Recap

Hey yall! I thought this past weekend was going to be one from Hades cuz of all the travelling, but it actually turned out to be pretty cool.

My parents and my stepsister arrived in town while I was still at work on Friday afternoon, but I'd given my mom a key so they were able to chill and eat everything in my fridge until I got there. Once I got home, we packed up my stepsister Debbie's truck and got on the road to NC where my cousin's funeral was being held Saturday. I was knocked out for the entire 4 hours it took to get there. It's a normally six hour drive, but Deb thinks she's Speed Racer and her truck is the Mach 5 so it only took 4. I guess she figures she won't get a ticket since she's a cop too. Ehh, whatever.

Saturday morning, just before the funeral, my brother in Bmore called me to tell me that I needed to get my arse home as fast as possible afterwards. When I told him that I didn't drive and that I drove with Deb and our parents, he told me that he'd get me a flight from Raleigh to Bmore for that evening since it was important. All I could do was say "fine", especially since I truly didn't want to be around my cousin's family in their grief. She was actually my step-cousin-inlaw, so I knew her and not her family, so it was awkward for me to be there for anymore than the wake and funeral. So he made the arrangements, called my mom, and told her to find a way to get me to the airport around 6. She was kind of pissed at first, but he told her why I needed to go home, and she understood and agreed that I should go. She wouldn't tell me at that point though, all she did was say, "You will understand when you get there"

7PM and I was on my way back to BWI where my brother picked me up. He and I aren't thisclose or anything, but we can read each other's vibes and can tell when some mess is up. Just from the way he was answering my questions I knew something was really bugging him.

Bro: "It's better I don't tell you now"

Me: "Is someone dead?"

Bro: "No. You'll see when we get to my house"

Me: "Okaaaay..."

When we got to his house, he told me to take a deep breath. I just knew some ninjas were about to come flying out the door or something or like I was about to see James Brown's non-buried body sitting in his livingroom. Umm, not quite. Our father was sitting on his sofa looking rigid. Most of you know that my history with my father is not good at all. I've forgiven and moved on, but this was the first time I'd seen him since my grandmother's (his mom) funeral in April.

I'm not going to go all into the discussion, but I'm surprised at how honest he was in answering a lot of the questions I had for him. My brother was worried that I'd be ready to haul off and shank them both for bringing me into this conversation, but he and our father have been trying to develop some type of civil relatiohship and I respect that. I don't think I can ever get to the point of being like "awww, that's my daddy", especially since I call my stepdad daddy and regard him as such, but there's hope of a more involved relationship. Like I've said, I could be extra bitter to him, but I'm not, life is too short, and I could stand to learn a few things from him. We all talked for a few hours, then my father went into Bmore city to visit the people he'd originally come to see, and me and brother went to dinner.

While at dinner, PoliceBoy called me to check on me cuz I called him while I was getting ready to head to the airport to let him know I'd be home sooner than expected. Brother and I had just sat down, and PoliceBoy wasn't even all of a mile away so he joined us. That was the first time they'd met and they got along so well! They talked typical man stuff and then discussed PoliceBoy's time in the Army and his Afghanistan tour. Brother wanted to join the military, but had so much going on with school and football that he missed out, so he's always ready to talk about it. Watching them interact was so nice. I'm glad my brother's cool with him, since he can be difficult to get along with at times.

PoliceBoy brought me home and helped me straighten up a few things at my place. We got into a deep discussion about "us" again, and we both realized that trying this whole "let's just date and not be in a relationship" thing wasn't working for us. We spend so much of our time together and all that other extra smushy stuff that I know yall don't want to hear about, that trying to act like it's something non-serious is so pointless.

Our convo was really long, and halfway through I wanted coffee, so we went up to a cute little diner near his place and kept talking. One of the waitresses there thought we were the cutest thing ever and said she was a photography student at UMBC so she asked if she could take our picture. She gave us what seemed like every piece of contact info under the sun, and invited us to take a look at the pictures on Wednesday after her trip to the darkroom. We said we'd go and hopefully get copies for ourselves. We They're black and white pics, so it'd be nice to have something so classic.

On Sunday, PoliceBoy, Brother, Brother's girlfriend and I hung out. We saw "Ghost Rider". That mess was scary and bad all rolled into one. Thank goodness we had free tickets otherwise we all would have been trying to get our money back. It was that bad. After the movie, PB and Brother wanted to do some man bonding so they went to the ESPN Zone and me and Brother's girlfriend did some shopping. I hadn't really gotten to know her before then, but she seems like a nice girl, and I hope her and my brother stick it out. Once we left, we went back to his place and took a nap since he had to work that night. I volunteered to stay awake all night and chat on the phone when he could so that way our sleep schedules would be the same.

Yesterday morning, he picked me up after he got off work and we had breakfast with his mom and sister. The whole morning, they kept saying how happy we look. That was definitely nice to hear. They were so nice and we got along well. His sister and I will be going out at some point this week.

We went back home (to his place...I'm there so much I may as well call it home), slept for a while then went out shopping for a new livingroom set for him. I was pleasantly surprised to see how much of my input he wanted in picking it out. "Well, you have to sit on it too, so you should be comfortable and your back should be good". Rarely do people take my bad back into consideration when they do anything, so seeing that he put that much thought into what he was doing was so refreshing. The first time I told him about how I broke my vertebrae, he told me that he'd always make sure that I don't do anything to hurt my back again.

Once we left there, we went to dinner at a small italian restaurant. It seemed strange that he just knew where he wanted to go since he's usually so indecisive, but I went with it. We'd just placed our orders, when a waitor came to the table with a vase with a dozen roses and a card. He handed both to me and I saw hunny's face light up. He told me that he hooked the surprise up while he was at work...I guess one of his fellow officers has a brother who works there so everything was able to fall into place well. I was just beside myself happy. I could get used to stuff like that, lol

I got word from my parents and Debbie that they made it back to NY from the funeral safely, and of course they wanted to know the deal with my father. I explained what went down, and they were happy that it didn't turn ugly. I'm happy as well.

After that convo, it was off to bed, and now back to work. I need another day off! Hope yall had a good weekend

Friday Flashback

Since Valentine's Day was this week, it's "I Need Love" from LL Cool J:



Happy Friday!

Random Ruminations

In no particular order...

~I miss him...

~Why are people, especially women, so quick to give relationship advice when their own situations are jacked up?

~Sometimes you reach a point when you just have to let go and not look back

~I resent being made to feel guilty for moving forward

~This grad school thing is no joke

~Sallie.Mae needs to backthefuggup, my loans are in deferment dammit!

~My family needs to have our own reality TV show

~Why do the eggs in Egg McMuffins look like that?

~How come when you eat Chinese takeout, you're full but then a half hour later you're ready to throw down again

~How come when I drunk dial/text I have no problem finding the numbers, but when I'm sober I can't seem to find them in my cellphone?

~My officemate needs to take a fuggin shower, he smells like hot pepper, tuna, and cheese

~My boss needs to take his ass somwhere with this mess, otherwise he's gonna see this stilleto come off my foot and land squarely in his eye

~It felt good to show the muscleheaded jackasses at the gym that I'm in just as good of shape as they are--but I can be feminine about mine. Yep, a thick chick can run miles and not pass out!

~I love teaching tap. For a part-time thing, it's so satisfying. My students make it worthwhile

~I'm so proud of my girls, they won 4 first place and 2 second place trophies in their last 6 competitions

~How come people fail to realize they need to clean the tops of their cars off too? It's NOT cute to have a sheet of ice come flying at your windshield from the car in front of you when you're going 70 on the Beltway

~Even though it's a sad occasion, I'm looking forward to seeing my mommy and stepdaddy this weekend

~I'm happy he volunteered to come show his support for the funeral

~How come on my new iron, there's a warning label that says the product may get hot?

~Why do shoe sizes differ from country to country? Why do I wear a 10 here, a 42 in Europe, a 26 in Japan, a 7.5 in the UK, etc etc??? It's so confusing to buy sneakers from websites based in other countries, and I was lost when I tried to buy shoes in Paris and London

~How come when you're involved with someone, all kinds of people start coming out of the woodwork? Where were they before??

~My godson is the cutest lil thing. I can't believe he's going to be 2 soon

~Pantyhose are the debil!

~My birthday is in 20 days, not counting today (That would be March 7), so feel free to start your shopping lol

~Why is Maryland so ass-backwards when it comes to snow removal?

~I wish I was back home in NY today. They got 2 feet of snow overnight. I miss real snow

~I haven't gotten to go skiing yet this winter. BOOO

~I need to do some damn work...

Happy Valentine's Day

Happy "I'm not feeling this whole Cupid thing" Day! Normally I am ambivalent to this holiday, but so far today has shaped up to be pretty nice. The snow/ice storm sent us home from work early yesterday and gave us a snow day today, so I would have been happy with just the extra sleep.

Last night/this morning, around 3AM I got a knock on my door that scared the hell out of me. I was still up since I just knew this was going to be a bad storm and I'd have a snow day. I looked out the peephole and saw a female police officer who I recognized but I wasn't sure where from. I opened the door a crack (yall know how we do, put the chain on the door then open it, lol) and she said, "Natasha. I'm Sargeant PoliceLady, we met the other day. I need to speak with you about PoliceBoy"

My heart did a nosedive to my feet. I was thinking everything that I probably shouldn't have--ohmydamn, what if he got hurt or something worse--but I just stood there and waited for her to explain. I let her in the door and asked her what was going on. She told me that she needed me to come down to the station with her because something serious had happened to him. She told me to hurry, so I threw on my shoes, did my hair real quick and we were gone down toward the station in her cruiser.

We spent most of the trip in silence, with me halfway in tears worried. But as we were getting toward the station, she turned in a different direction. I asked her where she was taking me and she said to calm down. We parked in front of a house and she told me to go inside and I'd see what was going on.

I did as I was told because I'm not trying to make the police mad, but I had some strange feeling that I was being punked. I walked inside and heard jazz music and there were candles on either side of the hallway leading into the kitchen. PoliceBoy was in there, sitting at the table with a huge breakfast-type meal that he made. I guess my face said it all because he came over and gave me a big hug and asked me if I was okay. In my relief, shock, and delight I nodded my head yes and he told me "Happy Valentine's Day policegirl (yeah, he calls me that--shush!)" and gave me a card and two dozen roses.

I found out that the house we were in is his sargeant's house, and they've been plotting this for a week now. That's by far the best Valentine's Day surprise I've ever gotten. I'm going to take him out to dinner tonight, and hopefully my surprise for him will unfold the way I planned.

I hope everyone's having a lovely V-day or at least enjoying the snow day that you probably got.

Death By Heelie

This morning I went to WaWa to get my coffee as usual and to catch up with PoliceBoy after his overnight shift before I made the trek through the faux tundra to work. I was fixing my cappuccino, which I got free because police get their beverages free (yay for PoliceBoy's career choice, lol), when out of the corner of my eye I saw a flash of primary colors and long hair fly by me.

By the time I turned my head in that direction, nothing was there. I figured I'd just seen something through the window and let it go. But then came the giggling and the shrieking, and it became all to clear to me that the chirrens were out. I went back to fixing my drink then suddenly heard the hollow rolling sound of a mini rollerskate wheel and then everything happened so fast from there. PoliceBoy said, "Tasha move" just as this hulking mess of child ran into me running and rolling around on a brand new pair of Heely shoes.

If you don't know, Heelies look something like this:



"BAM" "THUD" and there was impact! I got knocked on my ass by this crazy looking kid with the twizzlers hanging out of his mouth and chocolate in his hand. I got back up and gave him a serious side eye, then PoliceBoy (who was still in his patrol uniform) said to the kid, "Apologize. To. Her." I couldn't help but laugh because the look on the poor kid's face was that of sheer terror at angering a policeman.

PoliceBoy: "Kid, could you please apologize for running into her?"

Kid: "Don't take me to jail ok?"

PB: (laughing) "I'm not going to take you to jail, it's just respectful to apologize since you knocked her down"

Kid: "Ma'am I'm sorry. I apologize"

Me: "No problem, thank you for apologizing. Have a good day, be careful on those shoes PLEASE!"

I'm not sure what genius thought it would be a good thing to give young kids tennis shoes with rollerskate wheels in the heels, but apparently their thought process was faulty. I've seen lots of uncoordinated children run into people, buildings, and other inanimate objects in these things. I'm not mad at all, because some kids have the heelie skate-walk-skate-roll-run under control. I just wish the parents who buy the shoes would give some instructions to their kids, especially if they know the child is a klutz (yes I said it--some children are completely uncoordinated, and that's just how it is).

#1- Try not to run into people or parked cars
#2- Apologize when you do run into people
#3- Don't wear them in church, or at least don't use the skate part

Most of the kids on the heelies are perfectly cool though, I've seen a few with the skill of rollerskating waitresses and get around with definite ease. But this leads me to think if we had anything "cool" like Heelies when I was a kid. Of course not, all we had were the fisher price 'snap-em-on-your-shoe' skates:



I think I had two pairs of those bad boys. With them on, I managed to move slower than I could walk. Going all of -6 mph scraping against the concrete sidewalk. I remember I made the mistake of going with my brother to the skate rink thinking I could keep up in my Fisher-Price speed skates. Heh! Let's just say my brother had my lil behind sitting at the rental counter getting some proper skates within about 5 minutes. Needless to say, there was no running into anyone with those plasti-skates on, hell, there was no movement in those skates to begin with. Those were the days!! :-)

Oh, I'm fine by the way--I didn't land on a kidney again or anything like last week. No spilled coffee or anything, just laughs and maybe a bruised ego (PoliceBoy was laughing way too hard at me once the kid apologized) Am I the only one who's not a fan of the heelie shoes?

Weekend Recap

Of course this weekend flew by faster than I wanted it to, but it was a pretty decent one. Somehow on Friday I managed to be late to the airport to pick my mom up, but I managed to save some time since PoliceBoy was nice enough to map out the shortcuts over the phone for me as I was driving. It was interesting trying to understand the directions though.

Me: "So what exit am I supposed to get off of?"

Police Boy: "Well what do you see?"

Me: "Trees, other people's brake lights, a billboard for Charlestown Races and Slots, some exit signs"

PB: "What exit are you near?"

Me: "Oh shit, I just passed one. I didn't see the number."

PB: "Tasha! Get off at exit 11B"

Me: "Ok, it's coming up"

PB: "Well, you could go the other way"

Me: "What other way? There's more ways?? Too late for that, I'm off the exit now, gimme the rest of the directions"

PB: "Go straight and you'll see the signs to BWI"

Me: "Doesn't mapquest do this easier?"

PB: "You wanted the shortcut babygirl. Don't shoot the messenger."


Me: "That wouldn't be smart anyway, you're the one with the badge and the gun!"

Once I got my mom, we went to dinner and did some shopping and of course she had to catch me up on the latest gossip at church. This gossip used to be funny when I actually saw the people on a weekly basis, but the only time I go to that church anymore is when I'm back home to visit obviously. All I heard was, "And you wouldn't belive what Sister Gwendolyn and blah blah blah". I let her talk though, since she was in her glory-- she was even telling everyone in earshot that we're from NY and I've been here for a little over a year and I'm holding my own. I don't know if that's her empty nest syndrome rearing it's head or if that's just how mothers brag about their grown kids, but it was a hilarious sight. As we were leaving, out of nowhere she said, "Let's be renegade and get into some stuff"

Me: "What? Are you serious?"

Mom: "Not really, just messing with you"

I was about worn out by then, and was ready to go home, but I got a call from PrettyBoy telling me that his daughter had been rushed to the ER and he wanted me to come up there. So I dropped my mom off at home and ran up to Bmore to check on her and ended up staying for a few hours. He was grateful for my company, and his daughter was happy to see me too. Even babymama was glad to see me, so everything was drama free. Once I left the hospital, I went over to my bestest's house to get some of the birthday cake that I missed, but ended up falling asleep on her sofa for about two hours.

Saturday found me driving my mom around and taking her on metro, doing some shopping, visitng my brother in Bmore, some other family around PG county, and my uncle who's in the hospital. Our final stop, however, was Ikea. I'm still not understanding why we had to go there. The only Ikeas near NY are in norhern NJ, but she's in NYC often and goes to those stores, so needless to say I was a little miffed about going there.

Me: "Mom, every Ikea is basically the same. It's a big box with furniture and funny tasting food"

Mom: "Shush. You can buy everything for your home here, even food, so let's go."

Me: "Didn't you go to Ikea when you were in NJ two weeks ago"

Mom: (smacks me lightly upside my head) "Yeah, and that's not your issue. Maryland is in the almost south, so they may have some almost south stuff that's not in the NJ stores"

Me: "Dayum. Ok. Fine."

We spent almost 3 hours navigating the mess of that store. I don't know how my mom managed to amass so many tchotchkes from the downstairs, non-furntirue part, but Ikea College Park will never be the same. An entire cart full of just stuff. "OOOOH, that would be a good Christmas gift for your cousin" and "OOOOOH you could use this in your (fully furnished and happily functioning) apartment. Oh, you have one? So what, throw it in there. Nothing wrong with having two" and "Well, this isn't going to fit in my suitcases, so you're going to have to Fed.Ex this to me Niki (my family's nickname for me)". My poor car was so loaded with all her purchases, it looked like I was a displaced college student in search of a new dorm room.

Once we got everything safely into my apartment, I passed out for a little while since I was operating on basically no sleep, then the phone rang yet again. This time I got the news that my (step)cousin in Oxon Hill had passed away. She had cancer throughout her body, but no one but her husband and kids knew until the end. I guess she wanted to keep her illness private from the very chatty family. I can respect that. The funeral is going to be this coming Saturday, so my parents will be in the area again. It's a sad reason to see them, but I'm kind of happy that I don't have to drive to NY to see them for once.

Anyhoo, that night PoliceBoy called and started talking to my mom. She and I sound a lot alike on the phone, so he was ALL confused for a minute. Mom took the liberty to try and mess with his head, but he wasn't falling for it once he heard me laughing in the background. She wanted to meet him and give him the 20 questions, so he stopped by to meet her. It was the cutest thing--he was so nice and patient, listened to all of her stories, looked at all 9 million pictures in her wallet, and answered all her questions with no problem. I know he was probably irritated, but when I asked him he said it was okay that he didn't mind at all.

He wanted to go out to eat, so we left my mom after we promised to bring her back some dessert. We stopped up to his place to drop off his tactical uniform, then went out to PF Chang's. It was soo nice, but he had to assist me with eating my lettuce wraps, because apparently I'm not skilled enough to eat those things by myself. We got in a lot of good conversation and jokes--one of the best dinners I've had in a while. After dinner, we brought the dessert back to my mom, then went back out for a few drinks. Again, nice conversation and all that.

Once we left the drink spot, he took me home and I was getting ready to pass out for the night, when PrettyBoy's mom called to tell me that he was in the hospital for exhaustion as he was trying to stay awake to watch his daughter in the same hospital. Admirable and honorable, but that still doesn't make me want to date him (sounds mean and untimely I know, but it's really not. I'll explain another time). But because we're such good friends, I went up there to see him and ended up finally passing out in one of the Barco Lounger chairs in his room till 2 Sunday afternoon.

When I got home, my mom was all mad because I didn't call to let her know how long I'd be gone. Umm, this isn't high school, lol, but I don't blame her at all, however once I told her where I was she understood. Her flight was scheduled for 6:40 so I decided to make things up and spend the last few hours chilling with her. We did some more shopping and hung at Panera and Starbucks enjoying a few funny moments. She broke down in tears telling me how proud she was of me for handling the transition from college to real life so well. I hate seeing my mom cry, but it was soo nice and unexpected. I even got all sentimental, but then right on cue it was like *record scratch* "look at us, all cryin and stuff. We're a mess. Let's get to the airport"

She got on her flight safely, and I went home to catch a nap. I didn't feel like cooking, but thankfully PoliceBoy already volunteered to bring me dinner. So he came by, we ate, then had the "what's our status" conversation. I'm definitely happy with how the convo went. We started watching a movie, but I fell asleep about halfway through it, so he let me sleep until it was over, then he went home.

Long weekend, hardly any sleep, but was definitely fun (outside of the death and hospitals). Hope yall had a good weekend!

More Conversations with La Bella Mama

My mom is coming to visit this weekend and I'm so happy since I haven't seen her since Christmas. Normally she Fed.Ex's me cookies in between my visits back home (call me a mama's girl, I don't care!), but she's been slacking lately so she told me that she'd make me some when she gets here. Yay for moms! (Yeah I said it, and what!?

My mom is just as crazy as the day is long, and of course she always manages to find some way to get on the topic of my dating life.

Mama: "So, this PoliceBoy character...He's a real cop, right?"

Me: "Yes ma'am"

Mama: "So did he graduate from the police academy or did he go to one of those schools that advertise during the daytime talkshows offering a 'Degree in Law Enforcement'?"

Me: "Mom. He's a real cop. Police Academy and all"

Mama: "Okay, cuz I can't have you dating some substandard wanna be Sgt. Hightower (from the Police Academy Movies if you don't know)"

Me: "Stop playin, were not at the dating point though"

Mama: "I'm serious baby. What if some shit pops off? A real cop can handle that,but some wanna be though...what's he gonna do but blow a whistle and shake a flashlight while you whoop the person's ass?"

Me: "You are a mess!"

Mama: "Since you're not dating, which I recommend--since he has a GOOD JOB *ahem*, unlike that fool that called here lookin for you a while back even though he knows damn well you moved to Maryland--can I borrow him?"

Me: "For what? You're married. What about (step)daddy?"

Mama: "Not for that sweetie. I'm gonna need a cop around for when I get ready to shank your uncle. That man STILL hasn't paid me back yet"

Me: "You? Shank Uncle B.?"

Mama: "I have to keep it gully too. Negro owes me money."

Me: "MOM! Where are you getting these words? Shank, gully...where have you been hanging out lately?"

Mama: "What, you thought just because I'm old I can't keep up?"

Me: "You are too much. I'll be at the airport to pick you up later ok?"

Mama: "Ok baby, see you later"

I understand now where I got my crazy outlook on life from. This is going to be an interesting weekend...

Friday Flashback

Hey yall, I'm back in business! Thanks for the get well wishes. I'm not back to 100%, but definitely back from the grave. Anyhoo, this week we have "Bassline" by Mantronix. The quality isn't great, but you get the idea.



Happy Friday, have a great weekend!

Sick on a Snow Day

It snowed an inch overnight, and it seems like just about every school in the DC Urrea is closed or on some kind of delay. This is pure comedy to me. Back home in the tundra, an inch of snow is nothing but an annoyance. I saw people here stocking up on water and batteries like the apocalypse was coming. I'm afraid to see what would happen if we got some real snow here.

Anyhoo, I'm home sick today and probably tomorrow too. I fell and busted my ass in the shower last night and ended up bruising a kidney and at the doctor today found out that I also have a kidney stone on the same side. So I'm in take it easy mode all day since I'm in pain. I'm gonna try and get my taxes done and catch up on some at-home paperwork. But more than likely I'll fall victim to my sofa and these horse-pill painkillers I was prescribed and end up napping like the doc told me to.

What a way to enjoy a snow day right? Two thumbs waaaay down.

Lotto Ladies

"Uhhhh, lemme get 5,11,17,20,29,37 Combo"

"Uhhh, gimme seven Double Doubler and six Money Storm scratch-offs"

Every morning, when I go into WaWa to get my coffee, there are these two little elderly women there who get the same lotto numbers and the same scratch-off tickets. Without fail, there they are--déja vu every morning. And don't let one of their scratch-off games be sold out, they will get funky and loud.

"And WHEN is the new shipment coming in? Tuesday? Well them tickets better be here when I get here, cuz you know that's my game"

Since we see each other most every morning, we've gotten the chance to have a number of conversations. This morning, I finally had to ask about their lotto luck.

Me: "Good Morning Ms. Ethel and Ms. Dorothy. If you don't mind my asking, do you ever change up your lotto numbers or pick different scratch offs?"

Ms. Ethel: "Don't be silly baby. I been pickin' these here numbers since I played the numbers in the streets (whispers: 'those be illegal numbers--you don't know bout dat') And I been playing these here scratch-offs since they came out"

Ms. Dorothy: "Chile, I been on these numbers cuz dey my kids' and grandbabies' birfdays"

Me: "Have you ever won?"

Ms. Dorothy: "I won 'bout $1000 back in 1997 and I win the $1 and $5 prizes on the scratch tickets all the time"

Ms. Ethel: "I won a few times, once I won some big money. Nothin like the millions, but enough to do some things in the house and take a big ol' family vacation. It's nice to get the money, but it's more for the suspense. I don't like to gamble big in Vegas and The Atlantic City so this is my habit. Some people smoke, I play lotto. I'm not sufferin and I'm not killin nobody."

I've truly never heard a better explanation for that for why people spend so much money on lotto and the like. I can't act like I've never gotten caught up on a winning spree of scratch-offs, but I'm not spending every last one of my hard-earned dollars on lotto paraphernalia. I see a lot of people spending their money on that stuff, when it would be better used for paying important things...I dunno, like rent, food, and all that good stuff, all because there's a chance they could hit big. Of course though, not every lotto player is in dire straits like that. **But that could make for a great movie. Person spends the last $1 in their name, wins millions, saves humanity...I love it. (rolls eyes at the sarcasm)**

After hearing Ms. Ethel's explanation though, I guess I look at the little lotto ladies differently. I guess all of us have bad habits, and that's their vice. Works for me. I'll see them tomorrow morning, and maybe just for the hell of it I'll buy a $1 scratch-off. *fingers crossed!*

Big Game Weekend Recap

Hope yall had a good weekend and enjoyed watching The Colts run stuff last night. At least the first quarter was good, but it was all downhill for Chi-town after that.

Anyhoo, this weekend had the potential to be relaxing, but somehow it just didn't go that way. Friday night was the usual...friends over till the wee hours of the AM, really long talk with PrettyBoy (wannabe Mr. Tasha #2) and that was that. EXCEPT for this shit here....

Ol' Girl (my friend till the grave) called me at 10PM saying, "Yo Tash, can you come pick me up? I'm on the side of I-895 up in Bmore city next to the entrance to the tunnels. A cop pulled me over and says I need someone to come get me or he'll lock me up and have my car towed."

Me: "What in the hell? Are you drunk"

Her: "Nah, I was speeding. So I need two people to come get me, one to drive my car home and the other to drive up here cuz you can't do both. Hurry cuz you know I don't know Bmore too well"

Me: "Umm. Well, you can't go anywhere since they'll take your car, so you should be alright. You don't need to know the city to stay still. Anyway, I'll be up there in about 25 minutes"

If you know like I know, most speeding tickets don't end up like this. But here's the problem: ol' girl doesn't have her license. I took her in August to get her Learner's because she let her old driver's license from another state lapse rather than renew it here and not have to go through the headache. Well when she got her learner's, she found out that she would have to take driver's ed and wait six months until the road test. So like any normal person (rolls eyes), one week after getting this learner's she goes and buys A BRAND.NEW.CAR. She somehow managed to get insurance and has been driving around the city and up and down I-95 ever since driving at NASCAR speeds. Well, don't you know her road test is two weeks from today on the 19th...but this fool decides to be Speed Racer and do 88 in a 50 mph zone. She got pulled over by an understanding cop who gave her a shitload of tickets, and told her that he wouldn't tow her car if a licensed driver came to get her and one stayed with her in the car on the way home. So of course, there I was to scoop her up and go get the other driver from around the way--over the river and through the hood--and that was that. I made it back home and chilled with the crew at my spot.

Saturday, I had lunch with a potential client of my side-hustle insurance brokerage business. I overslept, so when I woke up I had all of about an hour to make myself look like a put-together business lady and clean up the mess that was left in my dining room after my friends destroyed it the night before. (Gotta love the friends who eat all your food, leave you with the mess, but actually voluntarily buy groceries for you!). I figured after that meeting, I'd take a nap then get to shopping like I'd planned. Of course, me being who I am, forgot that I told ol' boy, Questions (former wannabe Mr. Tasha with the "I've got 5 kids that I forgot to tell you about" issues), that we could meet up for a little while.

I still had a set of his car keys from a little over a year ago, when he told me to hold them for safe keeping. So when he called, I started coughin all crazy and he finally said "Damn girl, you sound TERRIBLE. You should go to the doctor. If you want I can take you to the doctor."

Me: "No thanks, I'm just gonna stay in and drink some tea. That was so nice of you to offer though."

Mmmhmm, crisis averted. I just didn't have it in me to deal with his overly clingy self. So after a nap, I headed to ITGuy's house (wannabe Mr. Tasha #3) and caught up for a while since we have conflicting work schedules. Nothing silly, nothing fresh...it was actually just nice to chat. Of course then, off to Pentagon City where I completely destroyed Aldo, Foot Locker, Sephora, and few other places in an attempt to melt my credit card (but no worries, Visa made it through ok and will be paid off next week lol!). That night saw the crew back at my place as usual. Nothing special.

Sunday was more of the same. Got my hair braided finally (so now I can sleep in a little longer in the AM!) then got ready for the Super Bowl parties. I went to a party at ITGuy's house, chilled out there for a while and came home. (Yay Colts!) I talked to PoliceBoy (wannabe Mr. Tasha #4 with potential to actually earn the title) for a while, and we talked about his time in the Army in Afghanistan, then he invited me to do a ride along in his police cruiser one weeknight (not as busy as the weekends and tends to be less dangerous). I know that sounds soo corny, but I'm kind of excited about it. He's the first person in a long time to actually talk to me and get to know me before even getting trying to go elsewhere with the conversation. I kinda feel like a teenager all over again: "ohmygoodness, he actually likes me?" lol. Those days were too much fun!

I was supposed to go to an after-game after party, but once I got home I decided to stay there since it was colder than penguin knuckles outside. So the weekend ended quietly, but was lovely over all.

Anyway, hope yall had a good weekend. And I give my condolences to Chicago fans.

Black History Friday Factoid

In honor of Black History month, rather than do a Friday Flashback, I'm giving out Black History factoids.

On this day in 1990, South African president F.W. De Klerk promised to free Nelson Mandela and lift the ban in his country on Black membership in the African National Congress.




Also on this day in 1995, the first African American walked in space. While other African Americans preceeded him in space, he was the first to perform a spacewalk. He served as Payload Commmander on STS-63, the first flight of the joint American-Russian space flight program.

Creating a Black HerStory

Ring ring ring.

Me: "Hello?"

Keisha: "Miss Tasha?? It's Keisha*"

Me: "What's up? Sweetie, it's really late, why are you up?"

Keisha: "I need to talk to you. I promise you I didn't know"

Just from that statement alone I knew I was in for some news I didn't want. Holding on to the promise of an 11 year old is an uncertain thing to do, but way in the back of my mind and the back of my heart I just knew she wasn't going to allow herself to be compromised in that way.

Me: "What didn't you know?"

Keisha: "He told me that it wasn't sex if I let him put it in my ass-hole. Sorry, I know that's not good to say that word like that, but that's what he said. So I let him, but I found out that it was sex. I promise I didn't know"

Me: (to myself: Lawdamercy!) "Wait. You mean what we talked about. Saturday at the party?"

Keisha: "Yeah. Miss Tasha, I'm sorry. I didn't know. I didn't know!!"

Me: "Calm down, I'm not mad. Are you okay though? I mean like is your body ok?"

Keisha: "Yeah, I'm okay and I'll be at practice in the morning. I can dance fine. Why?"

Me: "That's not what I meant. But nevermind. Honey, did me make you do that with him?"

Keisha: "No. He told me it would be okay because it wasn't really sex. But then I found out from my sister that it is, and I'm mad at him because he lied to me. But now he won't speak to me"

I must have stayed on the phone with her for about two hours listening to her and letting her know that the world isn't going to hate her for doing what she did. She confided in me that he up until that point didn't know how old she really was--she'd told him that she was 14, compared to his 16. I gave her the biological breakdown of everything surrounding what she did, what she'd originally considered doing, and what could have happened--I really don't trust the women in her family to handle that given the way they carry on.

With this being the beginning of Black History Month, this is not the history I want her to be creating for herself. Too many of our people have died trying to get us on an equal playing field with the rest of the world, and we insult their legacy every time we teach a young person that it's perfectly alright to compromise themselves and be mediocre "because it's cute".

At the end of our conversation, she said to me, "No one ever told me I was good at anything, except you when you first started teaching me to dance. Maybe one day I will be able to help people too and tell other people that they're good". I can only hope that maybe with the right amount of guidance, and keeping her around positive minded women of every race that her Black HerStory changes for the better.