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Thursday, June 21, 2007
Similac on your breath...
This morning on my way to work I had a few extra minutes, so I stopped to get a smoothie and a muffin. Normally I wouldn't stop at this place because a lot of construction workers tend to congregate there, and their trucks take up too much of the pitifully small parking lot. But whatever--I had time, so I took the chance.

I couldn't even get in the door before I heard, "Yeah baby! You look good, probably still drinking from your mama's bosom!"

So I looked behind me and of course it was Willie. You all know Willie...the type of man who just looks like he has a closet full of Member's Only jackets and a few leisure suits. He looks like he can fry the hell out of some catfish and make a mean pulled pork BBQ sandwich. He wears shorts with dress socks and sandals and has a random assortment of gold chains. He might even have a part cut into his high top fade. Yeah...that guy.

I tried like hell to ignore him, and kept going toward the counter. He found some way to get all behind me and I could just feel his hot azz Colt 45-laden breath on the back of my neck. That mess made me so nauseous, and I guess in trying to focus on ordering my stuff and keep my stomach settled, I blacked out just a bit and I didn't hear him order. Apparently he said to the person taking his order that he would pay for mine cuz when I got to the register to pay, they said it was already taken care of.

I took a quick look back and saw him staring at me all crazy. He gave me a wink and opened his mouth enough to show me his gold tooth. I swear I saw a diamond chip in it just gleaming. I mumbled a thank you and tried to get out as fast as I could. My gotdamned sandals and my still jacked-up toe were slowing me down terrible though, so of course he caught up with me.

"Why you runnin? I'm just trying to get to know you"

"Umm, thanks for paying for my food. That was nice"

"So you got a man? Cuz you and me, we could be good together"

"Yeah, I'm practically married"

"I betcha he can't take care of you like I could. I have benefits"

"I have benefits too, and I need to get to my job so I can keep them. Have a nice day"

"Damn, them young girls...So much spunk"

I hurried up and got in my car and rolled out. I saw from my side mirror that he got in what else but a Cadillac. *sigh* I guess I'll stick to the McD's drive through for breakfast from now on, but it was nice getting my food paid for. Damn, I hope he didn't write my license plate # down and try to track me down that way.


Blogger Bklyn Diva said...

Tasha.. I have tears in my damn eyes!!! OMG that picture was so flippin vivid!!! it was like I was there!!!! LMAo

OMG not damn dem young girls.. so much spunk.. bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahaaaaaaa

girl if nothing, as trifling as it was you know it made your morning to NOT have to pay for your food even if jerome da original playa from da hemalaya's paid for your meal LOL

and ummm dont knock dem cadillacs LOL :) dats my 2nd car LMAO..

Blogger Ms. Behaving said...

LMAO @ the visual you gave of Willie in his shorts, dress socks and sandals with an assortment of chains AND a gold tooth.

You know something...before you even made it to the end of your story, I KNEW he'd be driving a Cadillac ROTFLMAO.

Girl you are hilarious!!!

Anonymous Anonymous said...

LMAO!!! That is hilarious, I see Willie all the time. Except, he usually starts out with 'Hey young thang (that alone should be enough to stop him, but it doesn't), you look so shapely (EWWWWWWWWWWW, Don't look at my body Chester), can I talk to you (the side of my head maybe)'. Good Ole' Willie!

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Girl when you was describing him, I was thinking I bet he drives a 'Lac. And dammit if I didn't get to the end and read he got in a 'Lac. LOL

Those damn Willies's have no shame.

Blogger JustMeWriting said...

LOL...LOL...OH ME-O-MY...LOL that was amazing...LOL. HOW DID IT MISS THIS JOY, and I've been bored ALLLL DAY...that was something else. THANK YOU FOR THAT STORY. I can go home now and eat some cake...LOL

Anonymous AR gal said...

All I could picture in my head when you were describing this dude was Jerome from Martin.

Good post...this was too funny!

Blogger dc_speaks said...

hahahahahahaah....great story.

sorry it happened to you though. you told it beautifully and I saw it...more than I would have liked to see, but I saw it nonetheless.

have an awesome day!

Blogger Golden Silence said...

Ugh...why do these old men try to pick up young women?! They need to stick with women their own age!

Blogger Sister Toldja said...



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