So I ended up going to the baby shower for my friend's little sister on Friday. All I can say is that I felt like I was part of a twisted mix of sweet sixteen, debutante ball, tea party, Maury Show, and baby shower. A apologized to me before, during, and after the whole mess for having such a jacked up situation in her family. I've seen people in less-than-triumphant moments in their lives, but this just made my head hurt. A and I met in college, and I knew she had a little sister, but she never really got into the mess that is that poor girl's life, and for good reason I see now.
When A and I got there, I was instructed to put on a pair of long white gloves and told to sit at the table and get acquainted with the other guests while A helped her sister get ready. We drank tea and ate pettifours like we were at some high class place, but mind you we were in a condo in Bowie. Nothing fancy, and a buch of chicks were sitting there in dressy-casual wear (i.e. jeans with a cute top or something similar) with white gloves on drinking tea. I took pics, but my camera is not cooperating right now, so if I get it working anytime soon, I'll post them.
Then the party girl came down the stairs dressed in a sundress and strappy heels carrying a flower like she was a bridesmaid walking down the aisle. All I could think was "what in the blue hell...". I have no idea the reason behind all of the pomp and circumstance, but I just tried to write it off as their family tradition.
We played the usual baby shower games, but then the girl got up and walked around the room, stopping in front of everyone there and told us to rub her belly. I am not comfortable touching the pregnant belly of someone I barely know, and I told her that, but she put my hand right over her belly button and told me to say the first name I thought of. I said "Jayden" (my godson's name), and she responded with a too-excited "that's good, mommy write that down!!". I figured out that she was asking everyone to say a name in hopes of finding one for her unborn baby. Blech. I can't get up with that practice. Not at all. But again, maybe it was tradition.
But things got too much for me when her and her mother passed around the sonogram pictures and pictures of the potential baby daddies. There were 5. She said something to the effect of "Who does everyone think the baby's dad is? Who does the ultrasound pic look like? Guess right, and we'll give you a prize, answers following the birth." I am so serious about this. I couldnt make this up if I tried. All that was too much for me, and I let A know, so we both left. Apparently her family was too much for her right then.
Later on, A and I went for a drink and she told me that her parents were only hosting and participating in that foolishness because they want their youngest daughter to know that she is loved and that she will have support in raising her baby. A feels like the bad guy in the situation trying to tell her parents that they are showing their intentions the wrong way, and I have to agree with her.
In my eyes, her parents are condoning this type of behavior. A just got her Masters Degree, and is doing well for herself, yet finds herself the black sheep. A baby having a baby is being celebrated more than a successful young woman. I can understand her resentment. All I can do is hope for the best for that girl and baby...
Get at me in the comments.
When A and I got there, I was instructed to put on a pair of long white gloves and told to sit at the table and get acquainted with the other guests while A helped her sister get ready. We drank tea and ate pettifours like we were at some high class place, but mind you we were in a condo in Bowie. Nothing fancy, and a buch of chicks were sitting there in dressy-casual wear (i.e. jeans with a cute top or something similar) with white gloves on drinking tea. I took pics, but my camera is not cooperating right now, so if I get it working anytime soon, I'll post them.
Then the party girl came down the stairs dressed in a sundress and strappy heels carrying a flower like she was a bridesmaid walking down the aisle. All I could think was "what in the blue hell...". I have no idea the reason behind all of the pomp and circumstance, but I just tried to write it off as their family tradition.
We played the usual baby shower games, but then the girl got up and walked around the room, stopping in front of everyone there and told us to rub her belly. I am not comfortable touching the pregnant belly of someone I barely know, and I told her that, but she put my hand right over her belly button and told me to say the first name I thought of. I said "Jayden" (my godson's name), and she responded with a too-excited "that's good, mommy write that down!!". I figured out that she was asking everyone to say a name in hopes of finding one for her unborn baby. Blech. I can't get up with that practice. Not at all. But again, maybe it was tradition.
But things got too much for me when her and her mother passed around the sonogram pictures and pictures of the potential baby daddies. There were 5. She said something to the effect of "Who does everyone think the baby's dad is? Who does the ultrasound pic look like? Guess right, and we'll give you a prize, answers following the birth." I am so serious about this. I couldnt make this up if I tried. All that was too much for me, and I let A know, so we both left. Apparently her family was too much for her right then.
Later on, A and I went for a drink and she told me that her parents were only hosting and participating in that foolishness because they want their youngest daughter to know that she is loved and that she will have support in raising her baby. A feels like the bad guy in the situation trying to tell her parents that they are showing their intentions the wrong way, and I have to agree with her.
In my eyes, her parents are condoning this type of behavior. A just got her Masters Degree, and is doing well for herself, yet finds herself the black sheep. A baby having a baby is being celebrated more than a successful young woman. I can understand her resentment. All I can do is hope for the best for that girl and baby...
Get at me in the comments.
10 Comments:
OK FIRST THING.. LEMME KICK HER PARENTS ASSES!!!! WTF IS WRONG WITH THEM.. THAT'S NOT LOVE AND SUPPORT!!!! SHYT!
5 different choices of baby daddies??? and she is 16??? WTF.. where was her momma showing her love and support then???? Telling her to cherish her damn body.. and not let any and anybody RUN UP IN IT.. ESPECIALLY WITHOUT NO DAMN PROTECTION???
where was her parents after knowing their child is active to get her protection??? WTF come on B...
this story is sad and sick at the same damn time!!!! and that touching the belly and giving a name shyt.. if you wasn't my doctor or my immediate family you wasn't touching shyt!!! REESIE DON'T PLAY THAT!
That is such a huge problem. I believe that children are a blessing. However, where has our shame gone? There was a time people would not advertise the fact they had no idea who is the father of their child. They would not be happy their teenage child was having a child before they finished high school. By throwing her a big party they are saying it is ok. I hope for the best. A is the real winner because nobody can take away her accomplishments. Having a baby is not a skill.
I agree with Bklyn Diva and JJ. I was going to write about this very subject in my next Middle Finger to You post, but you were on point. It seems like teen pregnancy is glorified more than shamed. Babies are a blessing, but that doesn't mean every woman should have one at any age just because. That child's parents should be ashamned. Your friend should be proud that she made wise choices.
um... "Who does everyone think the baby's dad is?????" wtf??? and 5 dudes?? hell + no.
wow...just......wow.
Woooooow. 16 AND 5 potential baby daddies? And they handed out pictures? This shit makes my head hurt! Unfreakingreal.
Where does it say that the girl was 16?
Umm passing around pics of the prospective baby daddies..like they are accessories or something...what in the blue hell ain't the only thing that I say
Um...did you say "Potential Baby Daddies?" Damn,Damn,Damn!!!!
Oh, lord. Passing out sonograms and "maybe daddy" photos like it was a baby shower game...that's morbid.
My youngest sister had my nephew a half year after graduating high school, and there was a lot of shock and disappointment at first. Eventually we, for lack of a better term, got over it. My mother threw her a huge shower with all my sister's friends and all our relatives. Yes, Black people's priorities are jacked up...but I thank god there were no GHETTO "who's the baby's daddy?" games at my sister's shower! She knew who my nephew's father was...phew!
Stuff like that is the reason why I'm holding onto my virginity until I'm ready...I can't just give it up for the sake of giving it up. I wish more young Black women would follow suit.
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