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Friday, June 08, 2007
Don't Be Crude...
...Cuz I would never be that crude to yooouuu!

Sorry, I know those aren't the real words to the song, but I got carried away. I'm fully expecting Bobby Brown to come chase after me for royalties in a crack induced stupor. Riiiiight.

Anyway, Ladies, lemme holla at'chall for a minute. The whole reason I'm singin 'bout some don't be crude is because of, how shall I put this...your restroom etiquette. Look, we're all grown here, so I'mma just keep it real.

-Flush the gotdamned toilet when you're done. Are you really that lazy? Did you actually forget to do this as you walked away??

-You know that cutesy pie lil' plaque you have over your bathroom at home (which applies to the men in your home) that says "If you sprinkle when you tinkle, please be neat and wipe the seat"? Well, if you are a public restroom "squatter" (you know what I mean)then this applies to you as well.

-"It's the first of the month...so cash yo' checks and get up...." Sorry, carried away with the songs again. But dammit, I'm talkin to you with the music. That time of the month? I know it sucks, really I know cuz I'm a woman too. But for the love of all things good, please clean up after yourself. It is HELLA disturbing to walk up on a stall with an errant soiled tampon in the toilet it's remnants all over the seat.

-Look. Be real with yourself and us. We know that when you get in the stall and get all quiet and don't move at all, that you gots some *ahem* bidness to handle. If you're that worried about being heard, go to the solo-restroom on the first floor. Or on your break, go to the 7-11 and blow it up, girl. If you think someone may recognize your shoes, before you go to the restroom, change your shoes and go to a different floor where you don't know anyone. Be creative, cuz just sitting there like a lame duck waiting for the restroom to clear out ain't gon' bring you or the rest of us any relief.

-Those seat protectors are for your seat. The toilet seat. Not the floor. Not the stall door, not the wall. Please take one as you enter, and use it to protect your seat. The toilet seat. Not the floor. Not the stall door, not the wall. Thank you for your cooperation.

-The restroom is not Lee's Nails. Please, it's already funky enough. There is no need to mix bathroom bad odors with acrylic-smelling nail polish. Handle that after work, mmmk?

-I can't believe that you and the Shenquisha Wanda Monée Charnay Jenkins wannabe actually had the nerve to set up your electric hot comb and flat iron in the bathroom and leave them there all day with a note that said "Please don't touch. Signed, L." And yall were fixin that hair up at lunch and your "smoke break" time burnin hair grease and all that. There are no good dudes here, are you that pressed for some "I wanna f*** you" attention from the peanut gallery in the cafeteria at lunch? Lemme stop before I say too much.

-Paper towels are for drying your hands, not for writing down your phone number to give to the janitor.

-Look, I understand sometimes you take your infant to the mall, and while you're there you may have to change a diaper or two. But my goodness, you put your baby's bare azz on the counter/sink??? That's just wrong. Five yard penalty. Put a towel or blankie or something down. Germs, woman! They can get in your baby's bum. Your baby's bum can spread some germs to the counter which may then be passed to other people.

Damn, just damn.


9 Comments:

Blogger Miz JJ said...

Someone brought in a hot comb and flat iron to your work? Seriously? Damn, that is trife. For real. Do your hair at home.

I hate squatters. It is much cleaner to sit on the seat than it is to squat and pee everywhere. Dummy.

Our bathroom at work is the worse. I walked in oneday and saw blood spots on the floor by the toilet. I almost threw up.

Doing hair at work! Geesh! That is so not right.

Anonymous AR gal said...

I can't believe that you and the Shenquisha Wanda Monée Charnay Jenkins wannabe actually had the nerve to set up your electric hot comb and flat iron in the bathroom and leave them there all day with a note that said "Please don't touch. Signed, L."

Kneegrows and their priorities.....

Blogger Golden Silence said...

Oh, man! The stuff that happens in public bathrooms never ceases to amaze me. And the women and their feminine discards...didn't their mothers or someone teach them how to dispose of those things?!

Another one to add to the list is the women who don't wash their hands after doing their business. It's hard not to hear what goes on in the bathroom...so when I hear the toilet flush and footsteps towards the exit without hearing the faucet go on, I hope and pray that you're not one of my female co-workers. Nasty ho!

Blogger jameil1922 said...

vomit. i never knew how disgusting women were until i lived in a dorm. ridiculous.

Blogger Liz said...

Amen! Sometimes when I'm out with my two sons and they need to pee, I have a hard time finding a stall clean enough to take them in.

Blogger Always.Funky.Fresh said...

Glad to see men ain't the only ones with hygiene issues.

Blogger Bklyn Diva said...

OMG.. I AM TOO THROUGH!!! LOL

Anonymous Greg said...

Aw, I'm so disillusioned. The women's room isn't sparkling clean and smelling like lemon drops? Sounds like women can mess up a restroom as badly as men can, and have more ways of doing it!

If you're a squatter
And you splatter
Don't be like him -
Wipe the rim!

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