Somebody's Watchin Me....

I think I've got a cyber stalker, and it's someone I kinda know. This is uncharacteristic of me, but...

***PLEASE BACK THE FUCK UP!!***

Dear Stalker,

I love that people stop by this here blog and read about the mess that goes on in my life and the stuff I think about. But I don't like the fact that I've had limited real-world contact with you, yet you think you really know me and the stuff that goes on in my life cuz you read this blog. I know you're watching me like a hawk to see if I say or do something out of line on this blog so you can try to use that ish against me and gain some ground on me. I hope that's not the case, and I want you to prove me wrong. I have a whole lot I could say about this, but I'mma keep my mouf shut cuz I'm better than that. But I feel your eyes on me. Heh.


Ok, now that I've gotten that off my chest, I have been watching you. In your cars that is. I have a pretty long commute every day, and I see people doing the nastiest and stupidest shit in their cars....

-I know you think boogers are a good source of protein, and they very well may be. But if you're going to eat them, please do so in the privacy of your own home or bathroom or something with thick walls and no windows. You are grown, for the love of God, stop eating your snot. Vomit!!!

-Girl, I know People is a good magazine. I have a subscription myself. But I read it sitting on my sofa at home. You shouldn't be reading the articles at the stoplight.

-Sudoku is a fun puzzle. It keeps me occupied at work a lot. It shouldn't keep you occupied on the highway. I know the traffic jams stop traffic sometimes, but it's easier just to listen to the radio. All that juggling of the newspaper and a pen is really hard and you might avoid smashing your car up.

-Speaking of smashing cars up, accidents happen everyday. Especially in an area like this. You will see them often. It's the same deal everytime--bent up metal, maybe some injured people, and police cars. There is NO need for you to look at the accident as you drive by. It slows down traffic and might even cause another accident.

-Blackberry + Soda + Driving = Stupid. Stop it.

-I eat in the car all the time. But it's something I can eat with my hands like fries or fruit. Why are you eating eggs and sausage with a fork? You'd probably be the one to sue McD's if the food spills and ruins your upholstery.

-Just because it's dark doesn't mean we can't see in your car, especially if you don't have tints and we're on a busy street (that means streetlights and such). That is not a good time to give your man "road head". If you're going to do some stupid ish like that, wait till you're on the highway.

-You can't have a conversation with the people in the car next to you when you're going 40 mph. It just don't happen like that, so stop trying. Wait till you get to the light and roll the windows down and shout, or better yet, pull the f**k over.