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Monday, October 23, 2006
Domestic Security has gone entirely too far!
I work in an office that requires us to wear badges with our names and pictures on them. You know the kind--the ones that have pictures that look as bad, if not worse than your driver's license. These badges also serve as keys. Most of the doors in the office require a key or code entry to get through them. All of this was started after 9/11 in the interest of domestic (or office) security. I understand this, I accept it. Most offices have a similar plan.

However, some things just don't need to be secured. My first day at work, I was told the restrooms were at the end of the hall. When I got to the door, I was faced with a large keypad. This restroom required a code to get in. Now what kind of person is going to try and break into a bathroom? And steal what...some toilet paper and soap? No one had bothered to inform me that the women's room was more secure than Fort Knox! You would think they'd cover this during orientation.

There I was trying every number combination I could think of, cuz yall...I really had to pee. I was thinking "is this some type of fucked up initiation rite--lock new people out of the gotdamned bathroom?". I guess you're only allowed three attempts at getting in the bathroom before a silent alarm goes off, because out of the blue a security guard shows up and says, "I've gotten a report that someone is trying to breach security of the lavatory, please show your ID"

Me: I'm sorry, I've really got to go...
Security Lady: ID Please
Me: Ummm, ok *shows ID* Could you just tell me how to get in here?
Security: Alright, but I'm going to have to escort you in and once you're done I will have to go with you to your supervisor to verify that you are indeed an employee here
Me: Fine, whatever. I just gotta go...

So she lets me in, I do what I gotta do. This big burly broad actually walks me to my supervisor's office and verifies my identity like I'm some kind of criminal. Once it's been established that, yes I'm a new employee, I'm finally given the code to get in. To. the. bathroom. Damn, not even the office supply closet's got this much damned protection, and people steal shit from there all the time (if you think I'm lying, watch the supply of scotch tape dwindle around Christmas time...people got gifts to wrap!).

I really understand the need for tight security, really I do. But this has gone entirely too far. Next time I get a new job, I'll memorize the location of the nearest 7-11 so I know I can get to a damn bathroom if nature calls.


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