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Monday, October 16, 2006
Hair Hell
Ok, so I just came back from the hair salon. I pay these people to do my hair properly, and I trust that they know what the hell they're doing. After all, they went to hair school and I didn't. But noooooooooo! Why do I come out looking like Simba? Yes, my hair is mostly blonde, so does that mean I need Rage-style "Afro-puff puffs"?
Big blonde hair on a black woman is NOT sexy. I repeat, it is NOT sexy! Maybe if you're New York or Like Dat from Flavor of Love, it can work for you. However, I'm Tasha. I am Corporate America Barbie. I love a well done Afro-blowout on some people, and even myself if I'm feeling neo-soul poet -ish. However, during the week, I work in an office. My office doesn't like neo-soul -ishness, and my stylist knows this.
Notes to stylists:
1) If your client requests "blow dry straight", do just that. DO NOT blow out into Angela Davis-quality afro. If you do this, at least give out afro-picks with the black power fists as handles (don't act like you've never seen one)
2) If your client requests a trim, DO NOT chop her hair to holy hell. We already had this run in once
3) If your client says she is growing out her relaxer so she can get braids in a few weeks, DO NOT comment on the nappy texture of her hair and suggest a touch-up. She's already keenly aware.
4) If your client says "no thanks, no color retouch today", DO NOT proceed to mixing up the got-damned hair dye. Dammit, I like my half-blonde mop
5) DO NOT try out a style you saw at "weave wars" on your client without permission
6) If your client says, "I want the uber-drag queen to style my hair for this formal I have to go to", it is not an insult to you. DO NOT fuck her hair up on purpose cuz you're jealous that I want someone else to do my hair just once for a special occasion
7) DO NOT expect a tip if you fucked up my hair on purpose
8) Please, if you know you will not be available for our regularly scheduled appointment, DO NOT hand me over to your neice who's "in hair college, but does good hair"
9) If you know that I have "good hair" DO NOT announce to your staff that you're jealous of how fast my hair grows
10) DO NOT ask me to play with/babysit your kids while I'm waiting for you. You have given birth to the spawn of Satan, and I don' t like them. They are not cute, and you know this. I will pay extra so you can get a babysitter.
11) If you need to take a break to eat lunch, by all means go ahead. DO NOT eat your greasy ass fried chicken over my head. I don't want to go home with my hair smelling like Popeyes.
Thank you for allowing me to share my hair hell with you all. And yes, I'll be fixing it tonight. But I *might* just post some pics of the offending Afro puff for you if you act nice


Blogger Golden Silence said...

That's why I stopped going to the salons...too much drama.

Add "Wanna stop every five minutes and gossip with their friends, while a relaxer brush or hot comb is waving over your head" to that list. (Glad I started getting locs!)

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