Normally I'm not a shy person. I can usually say what's on my mind with relative ease to anyone,regardless of how much "power" they hold. That being said, there are some things that i just haven't been able to say to various people in my life, so I'm taking this time to write them short letters to say the things I need to say.
"...You make me feel like a little bitty girl in the best way possible. I can't help but be happy when I see your name in my inbox or whatever and when you say the things that you know make me smile. You're so different from the rest and in a short time have taught me a lot about the relativity of happiness and how to be happy and confident in every situation I'm in..."
"...Thank you for everything that you do for me. I don't know what I would do without you. You're everything I want and hope to be when I grow up. I love you more than life itself..."
"...You stepped in when you didn't have to. Most people just ignore the "problem" and don't make it their responsibility. I can't thank you enough. I've never really said thank you other than in cards, but you don't take to that sentimental thing well. So just know that I wouldn't trade you for the world, and I'm glad you came around when you did..."
"...It's not me, it's you. My patience has grown incredibly thin, and I'm truly ready to throw sharp objects at you. I smile at you and go trhough the motions of faux friendship (if that's what you want to call it), but deep inside I'm starting to detest you. When you call, I want to cry because I already know. I already know. You drain my soul, really you do. Honestly, you could be such a good contributing member of society if you just learned to grow the fuck up and not be so goddamned juvenile about things..."
"...Starting over is so hard. Seems like everywhere I would go I would think of you. I would be alright for a little while, but the minute I saw your name on my email or I saw a picture of you, I couldn't take it. I'm sorry for being terrible to you and pushing you away when all I wanted was for you to stay. I wish I hadn't done those things and that we could have been what everyone thought we were. I miss you, but I'm truly happy for you now. And I'm glad we happened. You taught me a lot just being you. I love you with my whole entire heart and soul, just not in that way anymore and that's the way it should be. I still cry sometimes though. I don't know why. But I'm happy now too..."
"...It was a long road that had so many nasty bumps along the way, but I thank you for those times. You are the reason I'm not afraid to fall in love again, you made things easy but at the time I didn't realize what you sacrificed to do that, because it was hard for me. I'll ALWAYS love you and you'll ALWAYS have a ride or die friend in me. I would take a bullet for you..."
"...So many years later, it's not the same as it was when we were little girls. But it will never change from that first day we met so so long ago. Thanks for having my back even when you know I fucked up and didn't deserve it. No matter what you do, where you go, how little we talk, you'll always be by bestest..."
Some of these people I see and speak to every day, but I've just never been able to get myself to give voice to those words. I don't care if they never read all of this, I just needed to know that the words are out there.
"...You make me feel like a little bitty girl in the best way possible. I can't help but be happy when I see your name in my inbox or whatever and when you say the things that you know make me smile. You're so different from the rest and in a short time have taught me a lot about the relativity of happiness and how to be happy and confident in every situation I'm in..."
"...Thank you for everything that you do for me. I don't know what I would do without you. You're everything I want and hope to be when I grow up. I love you more than life itself..."
"...You stepped in when you didn't have to. Most people just ignore the "problem" and don't make it their responsibility. I can't thank you enough. I've never really said thank you other than in cards, but you don't take to that sentimental thing well. So just know that I wouldn't trade you for the world, and I'm glad you came around when you did..."
"...It's not me, it's you. My patience has grown incredibly thin, and I'm truly ready to throw sharp objects at you. I smile at you and go trhough the motions of faux friendship (if that's what you want to call it), but deep inside I'm starting to detest you. When you call, I want to cry because I already know. I already know. You drain my soul, really you do. Honestly, you could be such a good contributing member of society if you just learned to grow the fuck up and not be so goddamned juvenile about things..."
"...Starting over is so hard. Seems like everywhere I would go I would think of you. I would be alright for a little while, but the minute I saw your name on my email or I saw a picture of you, I couldn't take it. I'm sorry for being terrible to you and pushing you away when all I wanted was for you to stay. I wish I hadn't done those things and that we could have been what everyone thought we were. I miss you, but I'm truly happy for you now. And I'm glad we happened. You taught me a lot just being you. I love you with my whole entire heart and soul, just not in that way anymore and that's the way it should be. I still cry sometimes though. I don't know why. But I'm happy now too..."
"...It was a long road that had so many nasty bumps along the way, but I thank you for those times. You are the reason I'm not afraid to fall in love again, you made things easy but at the time I didn't realize what you sacrificed to do that, because it was hard for me. I'll ALWAYS love you and you'll ALWAYS have a ride or die friend in me. I would take a bullet for you..."
"...So many years later, it's not the same as it was when we were little girls. But it will never change from that first day we met so so long ago. Thanks for having my back even when you know I fucked up and didn't deserve it. No matter what you do, where you go, how little we talk, you'll always be by bestest..."
Some of these people I see and speak to every day, but I've just never been able to get myself to give voice to those words. I don't care if they never read all of this, I just needed to know that the words are out there.
3 Comments:
Well I guess today was the day that we get it all out...some of these statements ring true to me...funny how see folks all the time and don't really tell them and then again they might know and it's ok to tell them over and over :)
this was such a poignant and touching post...it is all about the meaning and it is clear that you have so much love for them.
I love this idea. I can definitely feel where you are coming from on this post.
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