Ring ring. Ring ring.
"Hello?"
"Oh, my darling Tasha, how are you?!"
"Aunt Deb?"
"Yes honey, how was Christmas? What are you doing for New Years? How is the boyfriend?"
"Fine. Don't know yet. Boyfriend? Nope. Auntie, it's 3 in the morning, is something wrong?"
"Yes! I need to discuss something with you"
"OK, that's fine. But it's 3AM, you know that right?"
"Babygirl, this is real serious."
*Braced myself for some terrible news*
"You're not getting any younger, sweetie. When are you going to have a baby and start giving your mama some grandbabies? You don't want your uterus to go to waste"
*DIALTONE* (Yeah I hung up on her, and what?!)
Record scratch, flag on the play, fifteen yard penalty! What. the. hell? My aunt woke me up this morning, demanding to know why I haven't yet spat out some offspring. That was her dire emergency. I can barely remember my name at that time of the morning, let alone give a coherent answer to that question. In her own eyes, it's disrespectful to my mother that I haven't provided her with any grandchildren. Although my brother is 8 years older than me who has no children, and I have step siblings 10+ years older than me who don't have kids, I'm responsible for doing all the childrearing I guess.
And hold the frigg on. She doesn't want my uterus to go to waste? Oh my damn. It's not like it's a pineapple or a potato, there's no "Use By.." date stamped on it! At least I don't think so, anyway. I guess finishing grad school shouldn't be quite so high on my priority list. Career? Who needs or wants one of those? Husband? Naw, they're overrated. Bring on the chirrens. Goodness knows I need some, right? *Makes nasty sarcasm face*
I'm so fed up with people telling me when I should have kids, asking me why I'm not married with kids, asking why I don't have kids, etc. For the love of everything, I've got quite a few years left in my 20s. No rush. It wouldn't bug me so much if it were just my family who badgered me about this subject though. I suppose it's their job. Aunts and uncles breach the level of appropriateness, but it's all love. Family is crazy like that, I've come to accept it. But from perfect strangers? HELL NO!
More often than I want to think about, some mother who is busy wrangling her kids up says something to me along the lines of "Damn, you want one of these bastards? Go head, I'll give 'em up free". I understand the humor, and once we get past the joke, usually they'll go on with their day, but I've had more than a few women get all up in my face and tell me that I'm getting old and I need to go ahead and have kids NOW and get it over with. They tell me I'm being selfish because I want to wait a bit longer and try to get a few things done in my life. Now I understand shit happens, so you might end up with a youngin at your side at a different time or different circumstances than expected--that's completely different from setting yourself up to be a statistic.
People please, learn your boundaries! If you do not know me, do not make comments like that. You don't know how someone could react. I'm sick to death of being told and chastised for not living up to people's ideals of what life is supposed to look like. Maybe if they hadn't fucked up their own lives they wouldn't be telling me what to do with mine. Ok, that was harsh, but come on now. It's ironic that it seems to be the people with the worst examples of BeBe's Kids are the ones telling me that I need to create some progeny. Maybe they want me to share in their misery? After all, it does love company right?
*Sigh*
"Hello?"
"Oh, my darling Tasha, how are you?!"
"Aunt Deb?"
"Yes honey, how was Christmas? What are you doing for New Years? How is the boyfriend?"
"Fine. Don't know yet. Boyfriend? Nope. Auntie, it's 3 in the morning, is something wrong?"
"Yes! I need to discuss something with you"
"OK, that's fine. But it's 3AM, you know that right?"
"Babygirl, this is real serious."
*Braced myself for some terrible news*
"You're not getting any younger, sweetie. When are you going to have a baby and start giving your mama some grandbabies? You don't want your uterus to go to waste"
*DIALTONE* (Yeah I hung up on her, and what?!)
Record scratch, flag on the play, fifteen yard penalty! What. the. hell? My aunt woke me up this morning, demanding to know why I haven't yet spat out some offspring. That was her dire emergency. I can barely remember my name at that time of the morning, let alone give a coherent answer to that question. In her own eyes, it's disrespectful to my mother that I haven't provided her with any grandchildren. Although my brother is 8 years older than me who has no children, and I have step siblings 10+ years older than me who don't have kids, I'm responsible for doing all the childrearing I guess.
And hold the frigg on. She doesn't want my uterus to go to waste? Oh my damn. It's not like it's a pineapple or a potato, there's no "Use By.." date stamped on it! At least I don't think so, anyway. I guess finishing grad school shouldn't be quite so high on my priority list. Career? Who needs or wants one of those? Husband? Naw, they're overrated. Bring on the chirrens. Goodness knows I need some, right? *Makes nasty sarcasm face*
I'm so fed up with people telling me when I should have kids, asking me why I'm not married with kids, asking why I don't have kids, etc. For the love of everything, I've got quite a few years left in my 20s. No rush. It wouldn't bug me so much if it were just my family who badgered me about this subject though. I suppose it's their job. Aunts and uncles breach the level of appropriateness, but it's all love. Family is crazy like that, I've come to accept it. But from perfect strangers? HELL NO!
More often than I want to think about, some mother who is busy wrangling her kids up says something to me along the lines of "Damn, you want one of these bastards? Go head, I'll give 'em up free". I understand the humor, and once we get past the joke, usually they'll go on with their day, but I've had more than a few women get all up in my face and tell me that I'm getting old and I need to go ahead and have kids NOW and get it over with. They tell me I'm being selfish because I want to wait a bit longer and try to get a few things done in my life. Now I understand shit happens, so you might end up with a youngin at your side at a different time or different circumstances than expected--that's completely different from setting yourself up to be a statistic.
People please, learn your boundaries! If you do not know me, do not make comments like that. You don't know how someone could react. I'm sick to death of being told and chastised for not living up to people's ideals of what life is supposed to look like. Maybe if they hadn't fucked up their own lives they wouldn't be telling me what to do with mine. Ok, that was harsh, but come on now. It's ironic that it seems to be the people with the worst examples of BeBe's Kids are the ones telling me that I need to create some progeny. Maybe they want me to share in their misery? After all, it does love company right?
*Sigh*
9 Comments:
i can't believe that she woke you up to say that! but you know, i think older women see us as carrying on their legacy or something so if we aren't having children it is as if we are breaking the tradition.
do your own thing and maybe put your phone on silent :)
nice blog
Just stumbled on your blog, pretty interesting. By the way, are you possibly haitian, cause I have a friend whose family is the same way. Her grandma was asking her about great-grandkids one day after her wedding. What's the rush?
Check out my blog, I got two, they are cute as hell1 But I had one at 22 the second at 23...and yet with all my struggles, had to hustle my way through college, had to beg and scrip to keep my apartment, living check to check, and a no good BD, people STILL ask me when am I going to "try for that boy?"
Bitch what did you just say...I should crack you in your fucking head you bamma ass hoe...
That is what I would often like to say...they don't understand it is offensive on two levels
1. first the implication is that me having girls doesn't make me "mother enought, my motherhood will only be validated by having one more child running around that I must feed but at least it's a boy...
2. It's my goddamn uterus why you wanna know what I am doing with my ovaries, eggs and such, it is inappropriate unless I have shared my thoughts on procreating with you and don't you see I got two here already in the NYC where the cost of living is disproportiant to what people make.
Girl, I love motherhood, different strokes for different folks, my kids focusedm y wild ass but it aint a joke. Take your tine, be careful who you have a child with marriage or otherwise, shit your husband aint always meant to be the father of your child, ya dig, know if the man you chose to procreate with is going to be a good partner in child rearing. Get to know you as well and get that damn MASTERS. I am cringing at the fact that I will have to go back to school for my masters and my daughter will also be in school...damn doing homework together.
Doing things the hard way is not always "admirable" especially if you goit choices...
Good luck girl...I am glad you hung up on your aunt...I porbably would have cussed mine out...
@Aulelia- Thanks! I think you're right about older women, some of them want to see us carry on a legacy, even if we're not ready. Beautiful name by the way.
@Anon- I'm not Haitian, I'm actually Jamaican. Some cultural similarities there.
@Creative- All I can say is AMEN! I'm trying to get me figured out. I could probably handle motherhood if I had to (umm, maybe not), but that's not where I want or need to be right now. Thanks for the link, I'll add you too.
I know I'm late but....I find it weird that a having a child is placed higher than having an education. My mom was LIVID when I told her I was pregnant and I wasn't living in her house. Now I'm trying to get my degree while being a single mom. THAT shyt isn't cute. I love my daughter to pieces but I wish I had her AFTER I had a career, was financially stable, and had a husband (in that order).
Looks like you need to dismount (e.g. get off your high horse).
I don't know if you'd consider a white husband/baby daddy, but, if so, I here for you.
@jayspice- Keep ya head up girl!
@Anon- color doesn't matter to me
Tasha,
I don' need to tell you this... but you are too young, and havfe too much to do yet, before even thinkning of going down this road.
Tell your aunt to mind her own damned business!
I don't get it. When I was in high school I was encouraged to stick with books...while my sisters were encouraged to pursue guys. Nowadays my mother asks when I'm going to bring home grandkids (when she already has one by my youngest sister!). I'd like to start slow and at least find a decent boyfriend first. I don't know if I want kids!
I realize that we women are running on biological clock time, but we should have the right to decide when it's time to have kids, if we want kids.
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