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Monday, December 18, 2006
15 Things I Want to Know
Most things in life I don't have a problem understanding, however there are some things that I really haven't been able to wrap my mind around, so today La Bella Noire Asks...

1)Why is I-495 called the Capital Beltway? Shouldn't it be called the Capital Parking Lot?- I'm on the Beltway every single workday as I commute from Laurel to Vienna. If you're not familiar with those locations, just know it's far as hell, and I'd rather drive because I'd have to be up at 4:30AM in order to catch the train to be at work by 7:30AM and my body doesn't do early morning like that. Anyway, traffic is always thick as sin, and it seems on Fridays there is no such thing as rush hour--it's just rush day.

2)Why are there so many bad drivers from Maryland?- Again, I drive somewhere in this fair state every stankin day, and no matter where I go I run into at least three shitty shittay sheeety drivers. Before I moved here, I knew that the drivers here are the stuff of legend NATIONWIDE (no lie--google it) and I'd done my fair share of roaming around PG county while visting family before the place became my home, but DAYUM! There is no need to keep seven car lengths between you and the car in front of you on the highway, nor is it necessary to slow down to a crawl when you see that a cop has pulled someone over on the side of the road or to gawk at an accident. I love Maryland almost as much as I love NY, but y'all need Jesus when it comes to your driving skills.

3)Why do people assume that I know every celebrity walking just because I'm from New York?- Yeah I lived in NYC, and I would see celebrities now and again going about their business like walking their dogs and eating lunch,but that doesn't mean I know them personally. And NO, I cannot get you the hookup with whatever movie producer, actor, or singer that happens to be based out of New York.

4)Why is there no Whole Foods or Trader Joe's in PG County?- Look y'all, black people eat healthy organic stuff too. I'm tired of having to go into VA, DC, or Montgomery County to get my organic grocery shop on. Some of the yummy things I like can't be found at Giant or Shoppers. Black folk die of heart disease and we appear to be the most obese race of people going, so why not put some damn "health-food" stores in the areas where there are larger concentrations of us. They'd be surprised how many of us really enjoy finding good edamame or Greek yogurt, etc.

5)Why is it that the only time the President is in PG county (or anywhere in Maryland for that matter) is when Air Force One lands at Andrews AFB?- Nuff said.

6)Why in this area are there so many $1.85 and $1.90 Dry Cleaning stores? in the DC area- It seems like every plaza I go to there is at least one of these. Is the Drycleaning business really that competitive? How about some Dryel sheets please?

7)Why is the green line the worst line on the Metro?- Bas ass kids abound, I can't take it. That's another reason I don't hate taking Metro to work.

8)Why is Santa Claus fat?- You'd think that running around making toys and whatnot all year long, he wouldn't have the chance to get fat. And wouldn't Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen, and Rudolph get tired of hauling his heavy ass around every year? I'm surprised they don't drop him some hints and get him a membership to the North Pole Gold's Gym?

9)Why do people put green weave tracks in their hair?- That is not natural. I saw this along with some other girls with blue and pink tracks. Stop the madness.

10)What is in egg nog?- I wonder if I can buy nog in other flavors. Maybe raspberry or mango?

11)Why are Marshall's, TJMaxx, and AJWright all owned by the same company?- The stores are like carbon copies of each other, you'd think they'd save money by making it all one brand of store

12)Why do so many black females think being clean involves putting a load of baby powder on their neck?- I can't stand it when I see a black woman with a ring of baby powder around the collar of a black shirt. Do our necks attract dirt so much that we have to repel it with baby powder?

13)Why do men with bald heads wear doo rags?- The point of a doo rag is to create/maintain the wave pattern in your hair. If you don't have any hair at all on your head, do you think the rag will create a wave pattern in your scalp?

14)Why are so many grown people addicted to Crackspace?- Rusty ass people are taking to that site like, well...umm, like crackheads to crack. I'm tired of running into grown ass men (I mean like 40+ years old) who tell me all about the people they have on their pages, and where they got their layouts from. They'll always refer to their friends and say some crap like, "Oh my boy, Ricco--he's on my page too...". I can't stand that! Dammit, you shouldn't be on MySpace more than your teenager!!! Also, I have a crackspace page too and when I have messages I get alerted when I sign in, so there is no need to call me and tell me that you left me a comment.

15)How is it that drive thru service is faster than walk up service at McFastFood places?- They have the pledge of getting your food to you within 90 seconds at lunch time if you're coming thru the drive thru, but not if you walk in. Isn't it the same damn food?

Hmm, I wonder...


6 Comments:

Blogger Golden Silence said...

7)Why is the green line the worst line on the Metro?- Bas ass kids abound, I can't take it. That's another reason I don't like taking Metro to work.

It's ridiculous. During rush hour it seems to come every 10 minutes, and move slowly at that. And the BeBe's that congregate, sit on the steps and cause trouble are irritating. The Metro workers don't do a thing about them.

Blogger jerzeygyrl said...

Giiirrrlll!

Atlanta has that same traffic issue. I'm glad I live 10 minutes away from work! But on Thursdays and Fridays, that same 10 minute drive turns into almost an hour. These people CAN'T DRIVE!!!

***Why do so many black females think being clean involves putting a load of baby powder on their neck?***

Bwahahaha! STOP THE MADNESS! That shit is hilarious!!

I hate when people find out where I'm from and it goes like this:

A: Oh, your from Jersey? Do you know Ray Ray? He's from Jersey, too!

Me: WTF?!?! Are you serious?

That has to be the dumbest shit ever. And back home your libel to see famous people wherever you go. I'ts no big thing like everywhere else.

Blogger jerzeygyrl said...

I want to know why men wear do rags out of the house AT ALL! That is the tackiest shit! Take that shit off and get ya grown man on.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Damn, momma, you da coolest...

Blogger Gunfighter said...

1)Why is I-495 called the Capital Beltway? Shouldn't it be called the Capital Parking Lot?

Well, it DOES go around DC like a blet.... doesn't it?

Just sayin'

2)Why are there so many bad drivers from Maryland?

It is genetic... Merlanders can't drive worth a shit... especially Merlanders from PG County.

3)Why do people assume that I know every celebrity walking just because I'm from New York

Because you are a New Yorker... just like people always assume that I can give them insight into the owrkings of the Congress, justbecause I have lived and worked in DC for so long. Goes with the territory!

4)Why is there no Whole Foods or Trader Joe's in PG County?

Just wait. I don't think it will be long before there are some of those stores there.

5)Why is it that the only time the President is in PG county (or anywhere in Maryland for that matter) is when Air Force One lands at Andrews AFB?-

Why else would he go there? It isn't like PG is a place where he is particularly popular, you know. As a matter of fact, this particular President nevergoes to places where he isn't popular for public appearances. Think about it... most of his public appearances are in the midwest or on military installations where the crowd is completely controlled.

6)Why in this area are there so many $1.85 and $1.90 Dry Cleaning stores? in the DC area- It seems like every plaza I go to there is at least one of these. Is the Drycleaning business really that competitive?

Here in Alexandria, we can beat that!

7)Why is the green line the worst line on the Metro?

I don't have an answer for that... sorry.

8)Why is Santa Claus fat

If you had milk and at least one cookie all over the Crhistian world in one night, you'd be fat, too... now back up offa the fat brotha, ok?

9)Why do people put green weave tracks in their hair?

Again, I can't help you.

10)What is in egg nog?

Milk, eggs, sugar, vanilla extract, and rum (or whiskey).

11)Why are Marshall's, TJMaxx, and AJWright all owned by the same company?

It gives people the illusion of having choices... we like having choices.

12)Why do so many black females think being clean involves putting a load of baby powder on their neck?

You hit on a subject near to my heart. I wish I had an answer.

13)Why do men with bald heads wear doo rags?

NEVER NEVER NEVER wear a do-rag out of the house... with your triflin' ass!

14)Why are so many grown people addicted to Crackspace?

No Crackspace for me, baby. Yours truly is too damned old.

15)How is it that drive thru service is faster than walk up service at McFastFood places?

Because they put the really stupd employees on the drive through window.

Blogger Tasha said...

Again Gunfighter, you take the cake. I bow down!

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