It seems like every day I get caught up in something I probably would have been better off never hearing about, and today was no different. I went to Einstein to get a bagel on the way to work this morning, and before I could even get out of the car I saw her and I caught that "my-experience-in-here-is-not-going-to-be-pleasant" vibe.
Her = some big behemoth of a woman, just looking like she smelled like 5 week old Newports, Heineken, turnip greens, and corn beef hash or Alpo dog food. Bad attitude scrawled all over her face, improperly sagging maroon sweatpants (I call it assy-saggy...not baggy anywhere else but the ass), dirty flattened out Jordan XIII's, a leather jacket, and a Louis Vuitton knock-off scarf on her hair.
This rhinoceros-looking piece of work shot me the absolute worst mean mug and I knew that it was maybe bout to be on and poppin, and I can't be involved in such buffonery before the sun rises all the way. So I tried to get into the store before she did, but my still-sleepy stilettoed feet were not trying to make that a reality for me. So I walked up to the door just behind her and she looked at me again like she could just eat my kinda dressy, sorta chichi, halfway corporate, pleasantly ghetto ass for snack. I was actually scared for a second, but I had to tell myself to man up (or woman up or whatever--dammit you naamean.) cuz we were only in there for bagels. It shouldn't be that serious.
As she placed her order, she was told that there were no more prepared plain bagels, but some would be coming out of the oven in about 5 minutes. She was obviously not happy with that news, but let it go and waited. I went ahead and ordered my plain bagel and cream cheese and I got it right away. By the time I ordered, the bagels were out of the oven. Ol' Rhino was mad at the fact that I got my bagels before she did and she let everyone in a 10-foot range know about it. Her bagels were being prepared at that time, and were handed to her a few seconds later. No screaming needed. Those people weren't going to let her leave without the fresh bagels she ordered. Then as we were paying she looked at me, looked down at my bagel, looked at me, looked down at my bagel, then snatched the fuggin thing and put it in her bag.
"Like, What the hell Scooby?" I thought to myself. I didn't immediately snatch my food back because I was in all kinds of shock. I finally said to the cashier girl who looked just as stunned as me, "You seent that right?" and busted out laughing out of nervousness and I don't know what else. But the woman, seeing me laughing took my bagel back out of her bag and handed it to me then said, "Just playin, I saw that look you gave me and I wanted to mess with you. I can tell you could take a joke"
UMMM, so this Sesame Street Snufallufagus reject was actually a nice person? Damn, maybe I judged too quickly?? I didn't know what to make of the situation since I was still half-sleep, so I smiled and left. Was this chick tryin to holla or was she just playing a joke or is she crazy as hell? I pick door #3, crazy as hell... I seriously don't know how I end up in dumb mess like that, maybe I should just wear a ski mask everywhere I go so no one can see my face to decide to holla or play with me. If you're going to do stuff like that, at least wait until I'm completely awake.
Her = some big behemoth of a woman, just looking like she smelled like 5 week old Newports, Heineken, turnip greens, and corn beef hash or Alpo dog food. Bad attitude scrawled all over her face, improperly sagging maroon sweatpants (I call it assy-saggy...not baggy anywhere else but the ass), dirty flattened out Jordan XIII's, a leather jacket, and a Louis Vuitton knock-off scarf on her hair.
This rhinoceros-looking piece of work shot me the absolute worst mean mug and I knew that it was maybe bout to be on and poppin, and I can't be involved in such buffonery before the sun rises all the way. So I tried to get into the store before she did, but my still-sleepy stilettoed feet were not trying to make that a reality for me. So I walked up to the door just behind her and she looked at me again like she could just eat my kinda dressy, sorta chichi, halfway corporate, pleasantly ghetto ass for snack. I was actually scared for a second, but I had to tell myself to man up (or woman up or whatever--dammit you naamean.) cuz we were only in there for bagels. It shouldn't be that serious.
As she placed her order, she was told that there were no more prepared plain bagels, but some would be coming out of the oven in about 5 minutes. She was obviously not happy with that news, but let it go and waited. I went ahead and ordered my plain bagel and cream cheese and I got it right away. By the time I ordered, the bagels were out of the oven. Ol' Rhino was mad at the fact that I got my bagels before she did and she let everyone in a 10-foot range know about it. Her bagels were being prepared at that time, and were handed to her a few seconds later. No screaming needed. Those people weren't going to let her leave without the fresh bagels she ordered. Then as we were paying she looked at me, looked down at my bagel, looked at me, looked down at my bagel, then snatched the fuggin thing and put it in her bag.
"Like, What the hell Scooby?" I thought to myself. I didn't immediately snatch my food back because I was in all kinds of shock. I finally said to the cashier girl who looked just as stunned as me, "You seent that right?" and busted out laughing out of nervousness and I don't know what else. But the woman, seeing me laughing took my bagel back out of her bag and handed it to me then said, "Just playin, I saw that look you gave me and I wanted to mess with you. I can tell you could take a joke"
UMMM, so this Sesame Street Snufallufagus reject was actually a nice person? Damn, maybe I judged too quickly?? I didn't know what to make of the situation since I was still half-sleep, so I smiled and left. Was this chick tryin to holla or was she just playing a joke or is she crazy as hell? I pick door #3, crazy as hell... I seriously don't know how I end up in dumb mess like that, maybe I should just wear a ski mask everywhere I go so no one can see my face to decide to holla or play with me. If you're going to do stuff like that, at least wait until I'm completely awake.
4 Comments:
Ok I almost spit out my cheez-its when you said she snatched your bagel. LOL, I would have kirked out before she could have said she was playing. Naw I think she was trying to Holla! lol
Tash, you da bomb.
@creative- Yo, I really think that was her way of trying to mack. Blargh! She could have at least winked or something.
@golden- WAAAAYY too early for that mess. But it could have been much worse.
@anon- Thanks! Who you iz?
Tasha,
I try to be a peaceful man, but I have to say that if someone actaully snatched food from my hands, it would have been on, righ tthere on the spot. It would have started with a throat punch and then a bad break of one (or both) the arms... at the elbow.
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