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Sunday, April 15, 2007
Non Qualifiers Vol. 2
Mr. Too Damn Frugal...

Him and I were high school sweethearts or something like that. We knew each other growing up, went to the same church and all, and we went to high school together--well I was at the girls' school and he was across the street at the boys' school (we had some co-ed classes in high school, so don't think I suffered too bad). We didn't actually get together until after he graduated though, but I was still a junior.

But anyway, I understand for college students life is tough, but my boy had a job in the development office (which was NOT work study) so he made grown people's money. He was far from broke. I had a part time job too, so we were living cool. I had a car, he had a car...we were living hood fabulous.

I thought I was IT, because in high school all the girls wanted him, and I had him. He would come home from college most weekends to visit and we'd go out. When we first hooked up, I was working at a movie theater, so our dates usually involved my free entrance to whatever movies were showing and dinner. Somehow though, I always found myself paying for our meals. Then it happened...he paid.

"Baby, get whatever you want off the dollar menu"

"Umm, dollar menu??"

"Yeah sweetie, whatever you want. It's on me"

Maybe that doesn't sound wrong to you because after all, every couple hits the fast food spot every now and again. But when it turns into every meal together, it becomes seriously problematic. See, he really thought he was doing something because he was the one taking me out to eat instead of the other way around. I had to ask if there was a change in his employment status just to be sure I wasn't asking too much of him, but of course there wasn't. He was still making grown people's money.

One evening, when I had gone to visit him at school, I asked if we could go to eat. He said, "Sure, my treat. Where do you want to go? I hear Wendy's has a good special on right now"

Me: "Umm, I was thinking Ruby Tuesday"

Too Frugal: "WHAT!? Are you kidding me?? That place is like $12 for an entree"

Me: "Damn, well we can go half. I just got paid and I know you did too"

Too Frugal: "Well I'll just get an appetizer. But can you pay for gas? It's like 5 miles away. Gas ain't cheap you know"

Me: "Are you serious?? I just drove 130 miles out here and I paid for my gas and tolls. You should be paying me!!"

The conversation disintegrated from there. And so did the relationship. I tried like hell to look past this disturbing trend of cheapness, partially because to everyone we seemed like the perfect couple--you know, friends from childhood, high school flirts/sweethearts, etc. It was the perfect alumni/alumna story that our high schools would love to hear about at reunions and report in the quarterly alumnae update newsletter: Tasha '00 and Mr. Tasha '98 are living happily ever after blah blah blah.

But it just got worse. I bought a new car as a gift to myself for graduation (which I was making the payments for MYSELF), and instead of him being happy, he told me how irresponsible I was. We went to Johnny Rockets for dinner once (on my dime of course) and I caught this fool trying to jack the ketchup and salt and pepper shakers from the table. I asked him what in the name of goodness he was doing and he said that he needed condiments. "Sunshine, we can stop at the grocery store on the way home" to which he responded, "Why buy them when you can get them for free here". Oh hell. Just oh hell.

The mess hit the fan when I told him he needed to get new socks because his toes were hanging out of all of his. He suggested that we go to Salvation Army to get them. I was patently disgusted.

Me: "You really want to put on some other person's grody ass socks? What if they had some incurable nasty foot fungus man??"

Too Cheap: "Well, it's cheaper that way"

Me: "Is there something wrong with your bank account or your income? Are you saving up for something?"

Too Cheap: "I just want to be wise with my money. I can't be all crazy with it"

Me: "I understand wanting to be careful with you finances. That makes sense, but some stuff you just have to bite the bullet on. I'm not saying throw caution to the wind, but you're only young once. Enjoy yourself, and buy some new effin socks!!"

That was one of our final arguements. It's a damn shame that I can remember that almost word for word. I don't know how, but I managed to put up with that for a few years too long. Comfort is a sonofabitch.

Mr. Too Effin Cheap for Words, welcome to the Non Qualifiers file!


Blogger Golden Silence said...

That's not cheap...that's STINGY and PATHETIC!

Blogger Bklyn Diva said...

Tasha.. say you joking please!!!!! OMG.. LMAO hahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

I can't stop laughing at this one ma!!!! Frugal ain't the word.. LOL

Blogger Ladynay said...

Tell me dude is a millionare now! LOL

Blogger jameil1922 said...

HAAHAHAHAHAHA!! you are soooooooo fortunate to have found all of this out before you were having to teach your children not to do like daddy and act like you have some sense and leave the salt shakers ON THE TABLE when you are at a restaurant!!! praise JESUS!! wow!! that was hilarious. i love your nonqualifiers. this is fantastic. my fave, "you're only young once. Enjoy yourself, and buy some new effin socks!!" HUH-LARIOUS!

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