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Monday, April 30, 2007
Going to the chapel
I had a disturbing conversation with one of my co-workers today. She told me she's desperately trying to find a man so she can get married. When I asked her why she's so pressed to be married, she told me it's because she's a virgin and she wants to have sex. She mentioned nothing about wanting to fall in love and be with her husband for the rest of her days. Nothing about the vows, but everything about the dress, the gifts, and the sex on the first night. When I pressed her more, she actually said she'd probably divorce then she'd be free to have sex with whomever she wanted with no strings attached.

I have no idea why people feel so comfortable telling me all their business, but I guess that's just the way of my world. But her comments got me thinking about all those girls that were featured in the news stories about Chastity Balls, where they signed contracts with their daddies stating that they'd wait until marriage to do the dirty. I have to wonder, with the divorce rate in this country being what it is, what would happen if those girls got divorced. Would they then be free to do whomever whenever, or would they be bound by the contract to remain celibate until marriage again?

I'm also so saddened that people actually look at marriage as a joke--something they have to do as a formality before they have sex. What about the love aspect. I know for some people, that choice is a religious one and I absolutely respect that choice, but I have no respect for people who dismiss the sanctity of the institution. I'm also left wondering if young(er) people are actually prepared for marriage. I mean, are the daddies who are signing these contracts with their daughters teaching them how to maintain a healthy marriage? Or are they simply making their daughters sign a contract for their own peace of mind, so they "know" their little girl isn't out getting her freak on.

That also led me to wonder about all the shows on TV about Bridezillas and big huge hoopla weddings. I admittedly like those shows, just because I know the "evil-bride" probably watches the show and is like "Damn I acted a fuggin fool on there". I understand the concept of a wedding being the bride's day, and while I don't agree--I feel it's a day to celebrate the couple, I know planning the event is stressful and can lead to frayed nerves. However, when I see the brides acting a plumb fool cussin out their friends and loved ones over some frou frou details, I wonder what kind of messages are being sent to young people (especially girls) about marriage as a whole. On many of those shows, the groom rarely seems excited and there is hardly any mention of love or intent to be together forever or at the very least an extended period of time.

I know money is the leading cause of divorce, but I have to wonder if more of it has to do with people marrying for the wrong reasons. Hearing ol' girl talk about marriage that way is depressing. Is it really that hopeless? Is a growing majority of us really that shallow??

I'm rambling now, so get at me in the comments.


Blogger Leoninatl said...

I read some report before saying that there are higher occurances of girls performing oral sex when they sign those pledges or wear those rings. I swear, if I'm a father, and I have a daughter, I don't know how I'll handle those situations.

And I have my own twisted views on marriage, thanks to my parents, who've been married 28 years, and should have divorced a LONG time ago, and they wonder why I'm not trying to get married anytime soon. I want to make sure I'm with the right one. Or as my minister put it, are you willing to embarass the kingdom of God and divorce and break those vows, or are you going to try and stick it out? Whoa, that certainly put things in perspective.

Great post as always, and regarding your comment in my blog, I wouldn't dare try driving in Manhattan. I know better. I value not getting plastered on the side of the road

Anonymous Sugar said...

Very, very sad. An absolute thug started harrassing me yesterday while I was in Cluck U and he said he'd been married before. I was so shocked because I couldn't imagine for the life of me, what made him convince some woman to marry him. People take marriage for a joke for sure!

Anonymous Greg said...

Most of us human beings take our queues from what we see around us. How many examples of solid, successful marriages do these young folks see? How many times have they witnessed a committed couple working through a problem, or resolving a conflict constructively? How many of them know what a committed relationship looks like/ Feels like?

Blogger Honey-Libra said...

WOW...although a contract is a legal document those girls can still lie and if those men think that them signing them paper is gonna ensure that their lil girls remain lil girls they are lying to themselves...well at least some of them...I feel for her. There are so many women who dream of getting married to someone they love and care for, who they want to spend the rest of their days with...what many folks seem to forget is that lots of folks dont have sex and have wonderful marriages...it's so much more than that...I should be able to lie in bed with my husband and not feel like I have to have sex with him...some people have twisted views of what they think is happiness...sad.

Blogger Gunfighter said...

I have to wonder... this young woman wants to wait for marriage before she has sex, which is fine... but she wants to get married, do the nasty, geet divorced, and then do the nasty with lots of people?

Did I pretty much cover it?

Tell your friend not to wait, Tasha. If she wants to get out there and... um... share the wealth with lots of people, she shouldn't front about the "no sex beofre marriage" issue. After all she just wants to have a piecve of paper before she goes buck-wild!

Blogger Bklyn Diva said...

what in da hell is ya coworkers problem??? and contracts to not do what??? *eye roll where da hell I been*

anyway LIFE happens.. and if you are getting married for the wrong reasons you will get divorced for the wrong reasons!!!!!

just don't make no damn sense!

Blogger beautyinbaltimore said...

In the cast of your coworker, I think she is picking and chosing from the bible. I waited until I was 21 1/2 before I got it on and could of waited longer but I said what the hell.

when I had no heat for 20 days during the winter and had to deal with carbon monoxide leaks, I was able to break my lease because my landlord broke the warranty of habitability (according to my lawyer.)
this was in new york and it worked.

if you don't have a lawyer or a friend who is a lawyer, try to contact a local tenant right's group to find out your options


i'M sure you are a trustworthy good person but having pictures to back up your story will help you so much.

consider yourself lucky that you do have somewhere to go.

stay calm and poised when dealng with the landlord and start keeping a timeline of everything.

good luck!

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