Cart Craptasticness

I got back not too long ago from my weekly errand running, and of course that involved a run to Targét to pick up some necessities for home. I normally wait to go there in the evenings to avoid the Sunday errand runners with kids in tow and the people who can't park their ginormous SUVs, but I figured since I was in the area, I'd stop.

I don't know if today is national cart kiss my azz day or what, but after being in there, I need a drink. Maybe I'm wrong for this, but I navigate the aisles like I do the road...I let people coming toward me go past before I make a left into the aisle, etc. Most people seem to do the same, or are at least courteous with their carts.

Normally, if I say "pardon me" or something, the person blocking the aisle will move. But noooo, we're too good to move. It seemed like every aisle I went in, there was someone blocking and I uttered my pardons and not one person moved. I had to push one lady's cart out of my way and I apologized as I did it, but she still had the gall to say "You need to look where you're going heffa". Ummmmm, there is no need to call me out my name woman, I'm just trying to buy some toilet paper just like you are. I apologized again and she actually said, "You ought to be sorry, pushing my shit out the way like that". I'm telling you, if it wasn't the Lord's day, I would have come out of my face with something un-cute. But I let it go, and went about my shopping. But in the very next aisle, the same beyotch was there with her cart perpendicular to the flow of traffic and said, "Do you need to push my cart again?". Now that was unnecessary, so I said "It's not that serious, pardon me please". She grunted at me like a forlorn pig and slid her stuff enough for me to get by.

I rolled my eyes and kept moving over to the health and beauty aisle, and on my way there somebody's ignorant ass kid slammed me in the side with the cart she was pushing. "Excuse me sweetie"

Kid: "Who you talkin to?"

Me: "You."

Kid: "You don't know me"

Me: "Ohmydamn."

Her mother or whoever she was with flew around the corner and smacked the child upside the head for being so rude and apologized to me. At least some people have sense.

Then as I was walking up the office supplies aisle, some elderly white woman was there by herself. I excused myself so I could walk around her and she clutched her bag and threw herself over her cart like I really wanted to steal her kitty litter. I just shook my head, grabbed my envelopes and walked away. But, like always, before I left the aisle I looked left and right to make sure the coast was clear. I stepped out and all of a sudden some lady pushing a whole gang of kids came out of nowhere and ran all up in my cart and violated my personal bubble. She rubbed my back while whispering some sort of pleasantry and apology as she walked past me. Boooooo, yuck!!

Finally, as I was headed for the checkout, some big ass behemoth woman in front of me stopped dead in her tracks and in some booming voice said, "Move. I'm not satisfied with my purchase. I must turn around." I was afraid she might eat me or something, so I ran like hell to the checkout, paid, and left.

Next week, I'm sending Hunny to go shopping. I can't deal.