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Thursday, April 26, 2007
I value being alive...
I really enjoy being alive, really I do. However, today you may have thought otherwise. One of my girls from NYC moved down here a few months back, and she didn't have a driver's license--just not a necessity when you have 24 hour mass transit. She got her learner's permit about 2 months ago, and has been taking driving lessons. This evening, she asked me to go driving with her. I figured it would be no big deal, seeing as we were taking her mom's car (I wasn't about to let her drive my baby), and she's been in driving school.

Umm, absolutely wrong. I drove out to a fairly rural area where there is very little traffic, then let her take the wheel. We were doing fine, going along a quiet straightaway, but then we came to a stoplight and I told her to make a left. There was oncoming traffic on the other side of the light. When it turned green, this fool decided to just dart out and make her turn in front of the oncoming traffic. I heard the WORST combination of screeching tires and "What the f***". I was in a horrible accident while making a legal left turn this past August, so all I could do was put my head down and pray as my short life flashed before my eyes. Luckily, there was no crash, but I did a lot of "What the f***" in the direction of my bad-driving friend.

I told her to pull over and explain what in the name of everything good possessed her to pull a stunt like that. She feigned ignorance and said that she thought people making a left had the right-of-way. I went down the traffic laws with the quickness and let her know that what she did was hella wrong. She apparently understood, and against my bad judgement, I let her continue driving. The road we'd just turned onto didn't have any stoplights for a few miles, so I figured we were okay.

We continued on for a few miles, and I had her make another left at the next stoplight. No problems there. Yay! We were gonna be alright. I chalked up the past mistake as maybe she was just overexcited to be driving without her "real" instructor. We pulled into a parking lot and practiced parallel parking between some bales of hay that were nearby...yeah, we were across the street from two farms. She pulled that off with no problem.

After about a half hour of driving, I asked if she thought she could handle driving back to her house. I wouldn't dare take her on the Beltway--I may be a lot of things, but insane isn't one. I told her to take the streets back home, even though it would take longer. Oh my damn, worst mistake I could have made.

We were fine until we got to a pretty major road that had a speed limit of 45 MPH. Once she made the right onto the road, this chick decided to get a sudden surge of confidence. Next thing I know we were going 70. I yelled at her to slow down and instead of taking her foot off the gas or braking gently, she decided to slam on the brakes and come to a.dead.stop. in the middle of the road!! We damn near got rear-ended and had a whole rack of people going around us giving the finger. I told her to start going again, but at the speed limit, and to pull over into a parking lot a few blocks up so I could take the wheel and get us back home in one place. Well, instead of looking around her to make sure the coast was clear before she got rolling, she just slammed on the gas. No rearview check, no side mirror check, no nothing. We ended up thisclose to the back of a semi truck. I was freaking out trying to throw up every prayer I knew to Jesus, and she was sitting there nice and calm. We ambled over to the parking lot and I took the wheel and got us back to her house safely.

On the way back I asked what in the holy hell she was thinking, and she said she just had a momentary lapse in memory. How do you forget the driving rules when you're driving the car?! She told me she wants me to take her driving again, but I had to decline.

Friend: "So, am I a good driver or what??"

Me: "I pick "what". You're a driver, but you need some more lessons girl"

Friend: "Well you can be my alternate instructor. Yeah, we should do this a few times a week"

Me: "Girl, lemme put it this way...I'd rather chew on flaming aluminum foil. You need more time"

Friend: "ha ha ha. You too funny, Tash. So next Thursday?"

Me: "Ummmmmmmmmmmm.....how bout Thursday, April 44th, 2000-never"

Friend: "Hahahahahaha, ok. I'll call you tonight to figure out our schedules"

I love my girl like a sister, but I love being alive even more. Ugggggghhhh!


Blogger jameil1922 said...



Blogger Honey-Libra said...

AHHHHH AHAHA..sounds like my mom when I first learned to drive...guess that's how I ran into our garage when I was 18 LOL..great

Anonymous Sugar said...

Girl, this story is too funny! Oh my God! You'd better let that instructor handle those lessons. Learning to drive is such a tedious thing...teaching someone to do so is hell! (lol) Luckily, I wasn't around last year when my parents were teaching my sister, but oh the stories I heard. (lololol)

Blogger Golden Silence said...

That chick just seems in denial. She doesn't seem to realize how horrible she is.

I could never have the patience to teach someone how to drive...though I haven't been behind the wheel of a car in eons to be able to do so.

Blogger Liz said...

LOL! I can relate because 1) I didn't get a license till I was 24 and learned on a stick shift. I don't think I was as bad as your girl but, 2) My first roommate here in LA was from NYC and had NO CLUE how to drive. At least your friend can parallel park. My girl was hitting trees and all up on the curb!

Anonymous BigBoy said...

Hope this ain't too good a friend. Sound like she gonna be stone cold daid in a lil while.

Blogger Bklyn Diva said...


Ok she think she driving NYC Mass transit??? she acting like she driving the 4 train on that long ass bend??? WTF..

glad you declined.. I like you being alive too and don't want to lose you to nothing "crazy"

*shudder at the thought of ya'll driving again* what in di hell

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