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Sunday, October 29, 2006
Menstrual Ungoodness
I'm female, so I'm allowed to rant about this stuff. So please, just give me my moment mmmmk?

Why oh why is Always' new slogan "Have a happy period"? And why does this message have to be printed on all of their products? Never ever in my life have I had a "happy period". I'm happy when it's over, not while I'm in the grips of its madness. Sure, I suppose I should be grateful to NOT be pregnant, but to be pregnant would require sex--don't get me started on that *shakes head violently*. But sometimes I find myself thinking, "Damn you Eve, why did you have to eat that damn apple? You really messed things up for all of us"

Anyway, with all of this menstrual ungoodness going around I had to stop and think of all the stupid and funny euphemisms we have to let people know that for the next few days you are to stay out of our way and leave us gifts of chocolate. I polled a few of my friends and here's what they call the most unfriendly days of the month (these are the top 5) :

~"I'm rebooting the ovarian operating system"
~"Aunt Flo is here for a visit"
~"Dishonorable discharge from the Uterine Navy"
~"Clean up on aisle one"
~"Game Day for Crimson Tide"

There are infinite euphemisms out there. You can add your own and humor me if you'd like. But while I'm ranting, I really want to know why the feminine product aisle in any store is awash in pink, pastel putrescence. Sure, I'm quite fond of pink, but why must every product in this aisle be the color of Easter eggs? Is this supposed to be a testament to our girliness? Ummm, there is nothing 'girly' about a period. You feel gross, and sometimes have cramps that rival childbirth contractions (I don't have kids, so I can only assume this fact) so the last thing I want to see is some flowery girly garbage. It really irks me that this packaging looks so similar to what's in the baby aisle. Why can't maxi pad and tampon packaging be a muted shade of gray like my cozy sweats that I cherish during this time of the month? I really don't need to be reminded that I'm a girl during this time...trust me, I'm already painfully aware.


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