Open Letter to My Co-Workers

Dear Co-Workers,

It's been very nerve-racking interesting working with you all. Most of you are really great people and seem like you're on a good career and personal path. Much respect to you. However, some of you act like you don't know your own ass from a hole in the wall. Please, take what I'm going to say and consider it carefully because I'm not the only one thinking these things, I'm just the only one to call you out. Trust me, this is done with the best of intentions.

Ms. Too Cute, you need to revamp your approach to everything. No one gives a good gotdamn that you're lightskinned. Half black and half Puerto Rican. Good for you. I'm glad you are self confident, but you don't need to rip other people apart to boost your own self esteem. To be quite honest, you're really not that cute. Men only talk to you because your ass is wider than your body and you force it into clothing that's unnecessarily tight. Doing so causes your posterior to look like a painfully bloated stuffed sausage. I've actually heard the dudes at work talk TERRIBLE about you because you've f**ked so many of them. One even said, "Damn, she has the worst hook nose I've ever seen and she has a witch wart on it. Not sexy. I only fucked her because she's lightskinned with a big booty and it was easy game". Ma, set a better example for your young daughter.

Ghettorella, girrrrl. I can't believe your man cheated on you with your mama. That's so triflin. I know you didn't tell me any of that, but I heard your conversations because you talk so.damn.loud. I can hear everything you talk about down to what you're going to do to your boo when you get home. And the gum popping. *sigh*. And the hotplate you brought in to warm up your greens for lunch, that was just pushing it over the edge. You know it doesn't have to be this way right? Black people can, and continue to do better every day. You can escape the ghetto mentality and be free. Take a class or two and maybe you won't struggle with your data entry skills anymore and be able to move up the corporate ladder so you can provide for your 5 kids.

Holly Roller, I'mma need you to stop preaching at people that way. You can't just be telling everyone that they're going to hell because they did something you don't like. Don't tell me I'm living in sin because I engage in *monogamous* premarital sex and live with my guy when you stepped out on your husband and f**ked your pastor. Oh oh oh, AND you got pregnant by said pastor and had an abortion? Yeah girl, I heard about you. I know some of your people outside of work and they let me know 'bout you. And the scripture says "Jesus Wept" not "Jesus Had Cried". I don't care which translation of the Good Book you look in.

The rest of yall, grow the hell up. We are grown azz people forced to work together. There really is no reason to hate on people because they have nicer shoes than you or because she chose to dress up that day. The talking about people supposedly behind their back is not attractive. It makes you look like you're stuck in 7th grade. Get over yourselves. I don't like you because you act younger than my niece in Kindergarten, not because you have long hair. Don't take it there with me. It's a cubicle plantation, not the club. Please dress accordingly. The muffin top hanging over the waistband of your pants is interfering with my ability to eat my real muffin. Cover that shyt up.

Everyday showers are mandatory. If you think you stink, you do. Just shower either before you go to bed or when you get up in the morning. It's not that hard. Four little sylables can help you out: De-od-or-ant.

Supervisors are supposed to be there to supervise, not have sex with their subordinates at lunch. That's all I can say about that.

Again, co-workers you make my professional life more interesting than I ever thought possible. It is my hope that we can overcome these little difficulties and have a fruitful working relationship.

Sincerely,

Tasha