A Fawked Up Friday

Damn, I think I need to go home. Ever since I left my place this morning, shit just hasn't been going right. This morning I overslept all kinds of bad. Normally I wake up a few minutes before my alarm at 5AM, then hit the snooze button until I decide to throw myself in the shower. That didn't happen this morning. I guess last night in my sleepiness, I set the alarm for PM rather than AM. I remember getting a feeling..."I'm sleeping too long" and finally woke myself up only to see that it was almost 7AM. Mind you, I have to be at the plantation at 7:30 and have a 30 mile one way trip to work. Soo not a good way to start my morning.

Once I got to work, I somehow closed my shoelace in the car door as I was stepping out of the vehicle. So as I got ready to take a step forward, I got all caught up and laded smack on my face. In. A. Puddle. Lemme tell you, getting a face full of puddle water just made me want to slather all the hand santitizer in the world all over my face. Maybe I'll use some Purell as a facial mask tomorrow.

So once I peeled myself off the ground, I walked in the building and tried to catch the elevator, I didn't make it, but some of my hair did. The fugging outer elevator door closed on a lock of my hair and I couldn't pull it out. Another elevator came down, and I tried to unstick my hair so I could take that one, but I really was stuck. No one else was in the lobby to help me, so I had to wait until the elevator whose door I was stuck in returned to the first floor.

My co-worker who's been on maternity leave for seemingly forever showed up today with her baby, and of course everyone wanted to hold the child. Ooohs and ahhs and all sorts of fun "talk to the baby" was going on, and the lil one was being passed around like a football. Well, get to me and we decide to erupt in EVERY damn direction. Baby puke, baby shit ALL over me! Thank God I was wearing another co-worker's hoodie since I was still freezing from the puddle debacle. The mother offered to have the hoodie dry cleaned, so that was nice I guess.

I'd almost had it by this point. I was tired, wet, puked on...what else now?! "Oh that's right, it's payday, lemme make sure my direct deposit went thru". Like normal people, I went to the banks website, and my direct deposit went thru fine, but umm...wait now, some $$ is missing from my savings. It was some oddball dollar and cents amount, not a round dollar figure like I would expect if it were an accounting error on my part.

Me: "Hello, Bank? Yeah, it appears that my balance doesn't match my records...can we go through them one at a time"

Lady: "Fine"

(So we go through everything, then there's a charge for a men's jock itch type stuff ordered from the internet)

Me: " What the fuck? Who orders that shit online? That's not my charge, I been thefted!!!!"

Lady: "But wait, it appears this was posted to the wrong account.....(typing, etc)....your balance has been adjusted to the correct amount"

Me: "So you're telling me that if I hadn't caught this mistake, yall wouldn't have noticed?"

Lady: "Err, umm, uhh..."

Me: "Lemme get off this phone before I say something I don't mean"

Yay, my accounting wasn't off, but I shouldn't have to put the bank in check like that. Day just keeps getting more wrong. But a co-worker brought in muffins, so maybe that will perk up my mood. They looked like Chocolate Chip and everyone around me said that they were, and I'm more than fine with chocolate, so I took a bite. Come to find out after I swallowed, that the muffins are Blueberry, not Chocolate. I made a bee-line to ask the chick who made them if she made them with blueberries or huckleberries which look very similar. See, I'm crazy allergic to huckleberries.

Me: "Girlie, what kind of berries did you use? Huckleberries or Blueberries?"

Girl: "HUH? The ones they sell at Safeway"

Me: "Did the package say Huckleberries or Blueberries? They taste similar, but the package would have said which they were"

Girl: "I dunno, it shouldn't matter"

Me: "I'm allergic to Hucklberries."

Within 10 minutes, I had hives all over my face. I'm so happy I'm not deathly allergic to these things, just a few itchy hives for about 3 hours and it's over. But I'd rather not go through all of this.

Girl: "What happened to your face Tasha?"

Me: "Huckleberries"

Girl: "Who gave you those Huckleberries?"

Me: "They were in your muffins"

Girl: "OOOOOHHHH, that's what you meant. Yeah, those were huckleberries. Yup, sure were. (nods head)"

Me: "You know what, I'm gonna go back to my office mmmmkay"

I don't understand why my day is shaping up this way. Maybe this is Karma coming to whoop my ass for staying awake too late the last few nights or for unashamedly flirting with that cop at Starbucks? Whatever it is, it's got me ready for an immediate happy hour.