I got yet another wedding invitation in the mail recently, and Im already fairly certain that this one won't last long. I've been in four weddings and attended three others in the last year and a half. While I'm all for being married to the person you love, sometimes you have no business at the altar. Out of those seven marriages, three have already ended and one is headed in that direction. Anyone with half a mind knew that those weddings were really nothing but a waste of our time, the end was too easy to picture.
When I was a little girl, I dreamed of my wedding day and the man that I'd stay married to until the day I died. Even though I'd watched my own parents get divorced, I knew that I wasn't going to end up like that. I just knew that I was going to fall in love and it would be forever. I never gave much thought to how much money the man would make, I just knew that I wanted to be like my grandparents--enjoying old age together.
To do so would require love, which in all of the marriages I mentioned, was noticeably absent. Actually, let me rephrase that...a love for the other person was missing, but not a love for the almighty dollar. The worst example was a former friend of mine, Eboni (real names ARE being used). When she got engaged, she made her fiancé trade her ring in for a bigger, shinier, more expensive version. "If a man really wants to get you, he'll buy you more than 2 carats...", she said on several occasions. I asked her if the first ring meant anything to her, and she said not really. She wasn't about to marry some man who didn't come correct with his bling.
Her fiancé had a very good job, so he came out of pocket for most of their wedding. Each time she crossed off another item on her pre-wedding to-do list, she felt the need to tell her closest friends how much she spent. It'd go something like this, "OMG, the flowers are going to be sooooooooo expensive, can you believe $9,500 just for mine and the bridesmaid's bouquets!? Wow, I'm sooooo glad Sean's got money". More often than not, our conversations revolved around what Sean was spending. I don't recall having ever heard her say something positive about him that didn't have to do with money or his good credit. Having watched her grow up in a comfortable middle class home, it seemed odd to see her act so enamored by the prospect of joining the ranks of the nouveau riche.
Their wedding was a lavish affair, with no expense spared. During the actual ceremony, I could tell that she was faking her happiness. I guess I knew her well enough to know the difference between genuine joy and sprayed-on smile.
Fast-forward two years. Three new cars, five Louis Vuitton bags, countless other shoes/bags, and a brand new McMansion later, Sean lost his job. The divorce papers came flying out faster than Flo Jo doing the 100-meter dash. Suddenly according to Eboni, Sean was not the good catch he once was, and she wanted out. "Girl, if he can't pay the bills, what good is he to me?" she said soon after the marriage was officially dissolved.
Every single one of the four marriages I mentioned that have bit the dust, have done so for the same reason. With more women going after theirs in the corporate world and more women being finanacially independent, I really thought the days of marrying for money had gone the way of the rotary-dial telephone. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be fiancially comfortable during married life, but to leave the marriage when the budget gets stretched is less than noble. Now, I understand if there is a gambling problem or something more serious, but because you can no longer afford your boughi lifestyle? That's just trifling.
What happened to marrying the person for love? What happened to falling for someone's personality? Good looking + rich = perfect husband for too many females. We wonder why so many marriages end in divorce these days. Our grandparents tended to say married because they actually liked the person they were married to--go figure. With money being the number one reason behind the divorce rate, it's ironic that the same reason why people get married is the same reason that they divorce.
With so many of my friends pairing off and getting married, I sometimes feel like I should be working harder to do my own version of the 'white dress aisle walk'. But the minute I get a phone call that starts, "Tasha, me and so-and-so are getting separated...", I come to my senses. Call me old fashioned, but I actually care more about the content of a man's character over the content of his wallet.
When I was a little girl, I dreamed of my wedding day and the man that I'd stay married to until the day I died. Even though I'd watched my own parents get divorced, I knew that I wasn't going to end up like that. I just knew that I was going to fall in love and it would be forever. I never gave much thought to how much money the man would make, I just knew that I wanted to be like my grandparents--enjoying old age together.
To do so would require love, which in all of the marriages I mentioned, was noticeably absent. Actually, let me rephrase that...a love for the other person was missing, but not a love for the almighty dollar. The worst example was a former friend of mine, Eboni (real names ARE being used). When she got engaged, she made her fiancé trade her ring in for a bigger, shinier, more expensive version. "If a man really wants to get you, he'll buy you more than 2 carats...", she said on several occasions. I asked her if the first ring meant anything to her, and she said not really. She wasn't about to marry some man who didn't come correct with his bling.
Her fiancé had a very good job, so he came out of pocket for most of their wedding. Each time she crossed off another item on her pre-wedding to-do list, she felt the need to tell her closest friends how much she spent. It'd go something like this, "OMG, the flowers are going to be sooooooooo expensive, can you believe $9,500 just for mine and the bridesmaid's bouquets!? Wow, I'm sooooo glad Sean's got money". More often than not, our conversations revolved around what Sean was spending. I don't recall having ever heard her say something positive about him that didn't have to do with money or his good credit. Having watched her grow up in a comfortable middle class home, it seemed odd to see her act so enamored by the prospect of joining the ranks of the nouveau riche.
Their wedding was a lavish affair, with no expense spared. During the actual ceremony, I could tell that she was faking her happiness. I guess I knew her well enough to know the difference between genuine joy and sprayed-on smile.
Fast-forward two years. Three new cars, five Louis Vuitton bags, countless other shoes/bags, and a brand new McMansion later, Sean lost his job. The divorce papers came flying out faster than Flo Jo doing the 100-meter dash. Suddenly according to Eboni, Sean was not the good catch he once was, and she wanted out. "Girl, if he can't pay the bills, what good is he to me?" she said soon after the marriage was officially dissolved.
Every single one of the four marriages I mentioned that have bit the dust, have done so for the same reason. With more women going after theirs in the corporate world and more women being finanacially independent, I really thought the days of marrying for money had gone the way of the rotary-dial telephone. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be fiancially comfortable during married life, but to leave the marriage when the budget gets stretched is less than noble. Now, I understand if there is a gambling problem or something more serious, but because you can no longer afford your boughi lifestyle? That's just trifling.
What happened to marrying the person for love? What happened to falling for someone's personality? Good looking + rich = perfect husband for too many females. We wonder why so many marriages end in divorce these days. Our grandparents tended to say married because they actually liked the person they were married to--go figure. With money being the number one reason behind the divorce rate, it's ironic that the same reason why people get married is the same reason that they divorce.
With so many of my friends pairing off and getting married, I sometimes feel like I should be working harder to do my own version of the 'white dress aisle walk'. But the minute I get a phone call that starts, "Tasha, me and so-and-so are getting separated...", I come to my senses. Call me old fashioned, but I actually care more about the content of a man's character over the content of his wallet.
2 Comments:
If that's "old fashioned" then long live old fashioned!
My darling kid brother threw a wedding like Eboni's. His marraige also ended not long thereafter. Sometimes, it's a blessing, you know? Sometimes the men realize what they've gotten themselves into.
It's sad that sometimes it takes marriage to get to that realization, but I guess better late than never.
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