Calling Miss Cleo...

I've always wondered why the first people to offer up some advice are the people who need advice themselves. Somehow it's the people who are apparently not very good at life telling other people how to go about living theirs. Come on now, what does it look like me taking advice on preparing myself for a promotion at work from someone who can't even spell JOB, let alone have one?

Anyway, my bestfriend Lauren and I were at a smallish coffee/bookstore the other day talking about some stuff that her and I both went through with our exes and this crazy little woman came sat down at the head of our table and started dishing out her brand of advice. No doubt that this was rude, but we were so stunned at first by this woman's oblivious eccentricity that we just let her talk. My thought to myself: "This lady looks like the only people she ever speaks to are her cats, so what kind of advice is she going to give? How to select the proper blend of Meow Mix?"

Crazy Lady: "Ladies, you need to find your man based on what the Shamans say. You can't just talk to a man because he's nice looking or because he's got a nice personality. Let the spirit forces guide you together"

Lauren: "Ok, so where do I find these spirit forces?"

CL: "Let me read your palm and I'll guide you to the spirits and to ultimate happiness"

Me: "Ummmmmmm. Say what now?"

Lauren: "I just washed my hands and I don't touch strangers. I'm fine with my mediocre happiness"

CL: "Ahh yes. I will guide your spirits to the spirits of your love. And you will also find out your lucky numbers for life"

Lauren: "Did you do the same for yourself? Are you committed?"

CL: "Hmmm....There is a void in my love aura. Fuck dat ni**a"

Me: "So what you do only works on other people, but not yourself? And that comment didn't sound like someone in search of the spirit force"

CL: "Open your mind to something new. I'm tryin to get there"

Lauren: "No thank you. I'm fine with my mediocre spirits and love I suppose. But do you think you can give me today's DC Lotto Numbers or at least the Rollin' Cash 5 numbers?"

CL: "Obviously you're not ready to experience happiness"

Me: "I suppose not, and apparently neither are you. Thanks and have a lovely day"


Miss Cleo, one of your psychic friends got loose and apparently doesn't know that you're not in business anymore. Come get your friend. Anyway, the advice giving has got to stop. If you're not successful in the area that you're trying to give advice on, then obviously you don't need to be telling someone else what to do. Nor do you need to be telling people you don't know how to live their lives. When you have a ghetto bird telling another ghetto hood rat bird not to act so coonish, how do you expect to be taken seriously?

Please people, take a look at your own life before you start looking at other people with the side eye and criticizing them and telling them what to do. Maybe it's about time you follow your own advice? Things would be so different in our society if more people practiced everything that they preach.