An old friend of mine called me at work today and asked to borrow $800 to pay her rent. When I said no, she actually caught an attitude and called me way out of my name. I was shocked not only by the amount she asked for, but by the fact that she just expected me to give her money. It's not the first time she's asked for money unashamedly.
This girl and I have been friends since the crib, so that's really why I haven't given her the walking papers. She's a good person at heart, but there are some things about her that I can't subscribe to. First off, she's 25 and refuses to get a job. She's completed her graduate degree and is done with her education, so being in school isn't an excuse.
When I asked her why she won't get a job, she told me that she needs to spend her time making herself comfortable and making herself look good. Her parents have paid for her rent, bills, shopping trips, and spa days up to this point but they recently gave her an ultimatum. They told her that she's being cut off unless she finds a job or at least makes an effort to find one. She's patently offended by her parents' actions because she feels that it is her right as their child to have them take care of her. In her estimation, they created her, so it is their duty to take care of her forever. After all, she didn't ask to be put in this world. Nevermind the fact that they will get old one day and won't have the level of income or ability that they currently have. The thought of helping her parents out or taking care of them in their old age is one that she abhors.
I don't understand where she gets off thinking this way--as if her parents owe her for being born. She's not the only one I've seen have this type of attitude either. The people who I've seen harbor these types of feelings seem to be product of the bourgeoisie so to speak. Sometimes their parents are trying to hard to keep up with the Jonses that they give the kids everything and that sense of entitlement never leaves them. The kids then develop a "boughi" or "uppity" attitude where they begin to think that everything is beneath them. They've been given everything and don't appreciate the sacrifices that their parents have made to give them the life they are able to lead, nor do they appreciate the sacrifices that make the world go round.
A lot of this has to do with parents acting as enablers and friends before they act as parents and disciplinarians. I see kids running amok and their parents have no control over them, and that infuriates me. When I see young children in stores with their parents demanding that certain toys or clothes be purchased for them, I'm sickened. In college, I also saw way too many people who didn't know even how to clean their room or make their bed because their parents always did it for them. They had no sense of responsibility. No idea how to take control over their own educational pursuits or even how to share--something that we should learn before our first day of Kindergarten.
Parents, I know you're doing the best you can to raise your children, and if you don't agree with what I'm about to say then that's okay. It's fine to not be your child's best friend all the time. Sure, I consider my mom my best friend now, but before we got to this point she handed out discipline on the regular to ensure that I know how to be an adult. Telling your kids no is necessary because when they get out into the world, not everyone is going to tell them yes and make sure they're comfortable. I know many of you want your offspring to have more than what you had when you were growing up, but you don't want them to grow up feeling entitled to having those things. Teaching responsibility to a child is difficult, but having to learn it as an adult is even worse. I know it hurts to see your child go through adversity, but if you don't let them go through that sometimes, then they'll never be able to function in society. You work so hard to give them what they need, so make sure you give them what they need to be a successful adult.
Oh, and please tell your grown-ass kids that they need to pay their own friggin rent.
This girl and I have been friends since the crib, so that's really why I haven't given her the walking papers. She's a good person at heart, but there are some things about her that I can't subscribe to. First off, she's 25 and refuses to get a job. She's completed her graduate degree and is done with her education, so being in school isn't an excuse.
When I asked her why she won't get a job, she told me that she needs to spend her time making herself comfortable and making herself look good. Her parents have paid for her rent, bills, shopping trips, and spa days up to this point but they recently gave her an ultimatum. They told her that she's being cut off unless she finds a job or at least makes an effort to find one. She's patently offended by her parents' actions because she feels that it is her right as their child to have them take care of her. In her estimation, they created her, so it is their duty to take care of her forever. After all, she didn't ask to be put in this world. Nevermind the fact that they will get old one day and won't have the level of income or ability that they currently have. The thought of helping her parents out or taking care of them in their old age is one that she abhors.
I don't understand where she gets off thinking this way--as if her parents owe her for being born. She's not the only one I've seen have this type of attitude either. The people who I've seen harbor these types of feelings seem to be product of the bourgeoisie so to speak. Sometimes their parents are trying to hard to keep up with the Jonses that they give the kids everything and that sense of entitlement never leaves them. The kids then develop a "boughi" or "uppity" attitude where they begin to think that everything is beneath them. They've been given everything and don't appreciate the sacrifices that their parents have made to give them the life they are able to lead, nor do they appreciate the sacrifices that make the world go round.
A lot of this has to do with parents acting as enablers and friends before they act as parents and disciplinarians. I see kids running amok and their parents have no control over them, and that infuriates me. When I see young children in stores with their parents demanding that certain toys or clothes be purchased for them, I'm sickened. In college, I also saw way too many people who didn't know even how to clean their room or make their bed because their parents always did it for them. They had no sense of responsibility. No idea how to take control over their own educational pursuits or even how to share--something that we should learn before our first day of Kindergarten.
Parents, I know you're doing the best you can to raise your children, and if you don't agree with what I'm about to say then that's okay. It's fine to not be your child's best friend all the time. Sure, I consider my mom my best friend now, but before we got to this point she handed out discipline on the regular to ensure that I know how to be an adult. Telling your kids no is necessary because when they get out into the world, not everyone is going to tell them yes and make sure they're comfortable. I know many of you want your offspring to have more than what you had when you were growing up, but you don't want them to grow up feeling entitled to having those things. Teaching responsibility to a child is difficult, but having to learn it as an adult is even worse. I know it hurts to see your child go through adversity, but if you don't let them go through that sometimes, then they'll never be able to function in society. You work so hard to give them what they need, so make sure you give them what they need to be a successful adult.
Oh, and please tell your grown-ass kids that they need to pay their own friggin rent.
3 Comments:
I'm really sorry that you have such a friend, and, I'm sorry for her parents, too.
Hope she finds ways to change and be a better person, friend and daughter.
It's never easy choosing a real good friend.
She expected the money?! Reminds me of the episode of "Sex and the City" where Carrie's apartment went co-op, and she expected Charlotte to pawn her wedding ring so she could pay for it. Ridiculous.
People need to realize that hard work and doing for yourself can get you so far in life...and it's more rewarding than having it handed to you on a silver platter.
Good Lord... I think you might need to get those walking papers drawn up after all.
GF (on my own since age 17)
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