I went on a group date (yeah I said date, and what!?) on Saturday and it was all too much fun. Me and an old friend from back home who just moved to the area went duckpin bowling in Baltimore with a few of our friends. Yes yall, old friend trying to be Mr. La Bella Noire, go figure (*swoon* or something like that). For those of you who don't know, duckpin bowling is like regular bowling but the pins are much shorter and the bowling balls are much smaller--about 4lbs.--and don't have holes. So it's easy to launch the ball into oblivion, and it's rare to have a score over 100.
Anyway, we were all having a great time bowling and having a few drinks, catching up on old times and the like. Me being the lush I am went back to the bar behind the lanes to get a round for everyone, when out of nowhere comes this gremlin. Let me just reinforce GREMLIN, and I do NOT mean one of those cute 'Gizmo'-type joints either. Allow me to show you what I mean...
Just straight up nastiness. I think I threw up in my mouth a little bit when I turned my head and saw him standing there. He said, "Hey gal, lemme get dat drank fo' ya". I gave my polite no and kept waiting for the bartender to give me my drinks. Again, "Yo shorty,I got dis". (Allow me one moment here--Men, please stop with the shorty shit. It's not cute, especially to me since I stand a good 5'7 and a half. I aint short. Pardon the ignorant way I said that, ok) I shook my head, paid the bartender, and walked away with my tray of drinks.
This kneegrow stayed right on my left side trying his best to get a look at what was going on with the shape of Tasha. I felt him trying to undress me with his googly-ass eyes. Shudder and cringe. I asked him to step aside because I was returning to my date, and he said "Well ol' boy might be your nigga, but I wanna be your man for the night". Now see, nobody said anything about my date being my nigga and what not, but I wasn't about to let this gargoyle know that lest he try even harder to get the goodies.
I approached my lane with Stonehenge still at my side and gave my date and everyone one else with us "That Look". You know what I mean, the "I do not know him, he'd best to back up off me, someone help me out" look. Thank God my date, you'll hear about him in another post I'm sure, understood this look and took care of the shooing away for me. Let me tell you, it was quite the relief to not have to go this one alone like I normally would.
Date: "Umm, my man, I'm gonna need you to back up off my girlfriend like that"
Thinking to myself: hmm, I'm not your girlfriend, but for right now it works.
Stonehenge Gremlin Gargoyle: "Yo, I'm just tryin to let a sista know she's workin' wit some fire"
Date: "Well apparently you let her know that already, so I'm really gonna need you to step back. She's taken."
SGG: "You don't let her have friends, man?"
Date: "Oh she's got friends, but you're not one of them. Right Sweetpea?"
Me: (Thinking, ohmyholygoodness yay, awwww snot, now I'm sweetpea? Cute and stuff.) "That's right Baby!"
SGG: "Maybe I could get that while you're there, you seem like the freaky jealous type"
Date: (Giving the most serious ice grill I've ever seen)"Back Up. Go. Now."
SGG: "Aight, well mami cuz of your man you missed out"
Me: "Buh Bye Noooow"
Damn, some people really have cajones! Date and I had a good laugh about all of that, then kind of looked at each other like hmmmm, well that felt kind of OK calling you that. Cue the sappy "Sleepless in Baltimore" (yes I know it's Seattle, spare me!) music. We're not quite there, it's all good though. Maybe this sketchball was a blessing. *Sigh* *Swoon* and all that.
Anyway, we were all having a great time bowling and having a few drinks, catching up on old times and the like. Me being the lush I am went back to the bar behind the lanes to get a round for everyone, when out of nowhere comes this gremlin. Let me just reinforce GREMLIN, and I do NOT mean one of those cute 'Gizmo'-type joints either. Allow me to show you what I mean...
Just straight up nastiness. I think I threw up in my mouth a little bit when I turned my head and saw him standing there. He said, "Hey gal, lemme get dat drank fo' ya". I gave my polite no and kept waiting for the bartender to give me my drinks. Again, "Yo shorty,I got dis". (Allow me one moment here--Men, please stop with the shorty shit. It's not cute, especially to me since I stand a good 5'7 and a half. I aint short. Pardon the ignorant way I said that, ok) I shook my head, paid the bartender, and walked away with my tray of drinks.
This kneegrow stayed right on my left side trying his best to get a look at what was going on with the shape of Tasha. I felt him trying to undress me with his googly-ass eyes. Shudder and cringe. I asked him to step aside because I was returning to my date, and he said "Well ol' boy might be your nigga, but I wanna be your man for the night". Now see, nobody said anything about my date being my nigga and what not, but I wasn't about to let this gargoyle know that lest he try even harder to get the goodies.
I approached my lane with Stonehenge still at my side and gave my date and everyone one else with us "That Look". You know what I mean, the "I do not know him, he'd best to back up off me, someone help me out" look. Thank God my date, you'll hear about him in another post I'm sure, understood this look and took care of the shooing away for me. Let me tell you, it was quite the relief to not have to go this one alone like I normally would.
Date: "Umm, my man, I'm gonna need you to back up off my girlfriend like that"
Thinking to myself: hmm, I'm not your girlfriend, but for right now it works.
Stonehenge Gremlin Gargoyle: "Yo, I'm just tryin to let a sista know she's workin' wit some fire"
Date: "Well apparently you let her know that already, so I'm really gonna need you to step back. She's taken."
SGG: "You don't let her have friends, man?"
Date: "Oh she's got friends, but you're not one of them. Right Sweetpea?"
Me: (Thinking, ohmyholygoodness yay, awwww snot, now I'm sweetpea? Cute and stuff.) "That's right Baby!"
SGG: "Maybe I could get that while you're there, you seem like the freaky jealous type"
Date: (Giving the most serious ice grill I've ever seen)"Back Up. Go. Now."
SGG: "Aight, well mami cuz of your man you missed out"
Me: "Buh Bye Noooow"
Damn, some people really have cajones! Date and I had a good laugh about all of that, then kind of looked at each other like hmmmm, well that felt kind of OK calling you that. Cue the sappy "Sleepless in Baltimore" (yes I know it's Seattle, spare me!) music. We're not quite there, it's all good though. Maybe this sketchball was a blessing. *Sigh* *Swoon* and all that.
2 Comments:
Hi! I read your blog often but have never posted before. However, "Stonehenge Gremlin Gargoyle" was such a good phrase I just had to comment on it. Loves it!
Incredible.
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