tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-362671252024-03-07T00:25:43.863-05:00La Bella Noire's RamblingsMusings and observations on life, love, and everything in between.Tashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05841784678107146378noreply@blogger.comBlogger302125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36267125.post-7353538305748464502008-01-05T22:09:00.000-05:002008-01-05T22:12:58.557-05:00I moved!!I got fed up with all the problems that Blo.gg.er has been giving me, so I've decided to finally get it together and move to another program.<br /><br />You can find me now at:<br /><strong><a href="http://labellanoire.wordpress.com">http://labellanoire.wordpress.com</a></strong><br /><br />Update your blogrolls, mmk. See you over there!Tashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05841784678107146378noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36267125.post-48883799492240769782008-01-02T11:35:00.001-05:002008-01-02T12:45:51.735-05:00I Can Feel it In the AirHappy New Year Yall. Just clearing some mental space...<br /><br />I'm not usually a big fan of New Year's. All this 'New Year New You' stuff all over the place, making resolutions you know you won't keep. I've always been of the mind that there's no better time than the present to do better and be better. I can see how some people want to wait for the new year to transition away from old things...more of a mental motivation. I get it, just not for me.<br /><br />But this year, something is different for me. I can feel change coming in the air. Something is brewing in my world, and I know somethings, some relationships, some of everything in my life will be coming to a crossroads soon. And for that reason, I'm putting in the extra work to make me a better me. There was a lot of old baggage that I've carried around for most of my life (a lot of it I didn't even recognize as baggage anymore, I just counted it as part of me) that I let go of in the last 12-18 months, and that's made some people uncomfortable. They knew me as the one to grouse with; the company that misery loves so much; the one who has such a fucked up life story that they listen to my story when they want to feel better about their own sorrows. They knew me as the one who they've hurt, the one who they've made feel lower than dirt. But I've forgiven and let it go. I've risen up, shaken it off, and seen myself without emotional baggage for the first time since March 1983. That makes <i>them</i> uncomfortable.<br /><br />They're uncomfortable because they know that forgiveness means that they're the ones with the problem now. They have to live every day with the memory of what they put me through. Remorse turns into resentment, which will in turn become anger. I've seen it happen that way many times, so I know with me it will be no different. That's why I know it's time to make some changes for this new year. Be better, do better, know better. This way, my old baggage won't become the molehill that would become the mountain.<br /><br />This year I'm working on me, not just for me but for the people who've helped me to find the strength to drop the emotional, mental, and spiritual baggage and just live. I owe it to them to be the best daughter, sister, friend, and wife I can be.<br /><br />Did any of you make resolutions or vows to make yourself better this year? Get at me in the comment box.Tashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05841784678107146378noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36267125.post-43745309090716689282008-01-01T10:41:00.000-05:002008-01-01T10:45:16.273-05:00Happy New YearHappy 2008!! It's a brand new year and I've got a whole lot of stuff to talk about. Last night was too much fun, and it was spent with the people I love (and I'm paying for it today, lol). Hope you all brought in the year happily. I'll be up and posting tomorrow. Enjoy the holiday yall!Tashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05841784678107146378noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36267125.post-50669425990695229902007-12-25T09:26:00.000-05:002007-12-25T09:33:28.913-05:00Merry Christmas!<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj85SckrQFJnOd9gbGxQWraFS9uo6Kd_F236n_z6EWcRdf6nNFXdZhRDdhbSM576oU7Nqwq5xmkaP6rUpqFrPyLLo8Z8-L9W_jHDJClxIjCDWUIFe4TSZyVfOhQhIwKMb564_a8/s1600-h/019.gif"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj85SckrQFJnOd9gbGxQWraFS9uo6Kd_F236n_z6EWcRdf6nNFXdZhRDdhbSM576oU7Nqwq5xmkaP6rUpqFrPyLLo8Z8-L9W_jHDJClxIjCDWUIFe4TSZyVfOhQhIwKMb564_a8/s320/019.gif" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5147918149301522962" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7Wg5P_ovRxyG8mAU2pvAW6llwP0khEmXyz3VCH-0y7HBIT7thsIz_AsGoo3l_skWQ3FBk5pJPS2K3KdbBdsZ0eOqeYeFqZVAW4xzNl24rgL-KYbPd_fJFh-KugcfaIVku4UQz/s1600-h/016.gif"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7Wg5P_ovRxyG8mAU2pvAW6llwP0khEmXyz3VCH-0y7HBIT7thsIz_AsGoo3l_skWQ3FBk5pJPS2K3KdbBdsZ0eOqeYeFqZVAW4xzNl24rgL-KYbPd_fJFh-KugcfaIVku4UQz/s320/016.gif" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5147918050517275138" /></a><br /><br /><center>Christmas is a special time of year to remember those who are close to<br />our hearts!<br />May your days be bright, and your heart be light!<br />May this glorious day of our Savior's birth<br />resound with hope and peace on earth!<br />Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!<br /><br />Lots of Love,<br />Tasha and D<br /><br /><br />**Back to regular posting after New Year's**</center>Tashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05841784678107146378noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36267125.post-58352147134783259142007-12-18T21:40:00.000-05:002007-12-18T21:59:01.479-05:00What in all the hell...is wrong with the Spears family? I just read that Bri.tney's 16-year old sister Jam.ie Ly.n.n who stars in her own show on Nicke.lode.on is pregnant by her 19-year old long-term and live-in boyfriend (<a href="http://www.dlisted.com/node/20116">read here</a>).<br /><br />Ok, now I got into some shit when I was that age, but at least I had a mother who cared enough to make sure that the shit I got into wasn't completely life-changing to that degree. What kind of parent allows their minor child to have a live-in boyfriend?? And the boyfriend is of majority age (over 18)?! What in the name of everything good?<br /><br />And they met in church they say; I guess they don't believe in birth control for religious reasons. But this is where my confusion about this subject sets in. It's not okay to use birth control, but it's okay for a man of majority age to impregnate a young woman out of wedlock? There's no fire and brimstone 'you're going to hell in a handbasket' sermon for that? I need help understanding. <br /><br />Stuff like this is exactly why I'm not surprised that I have a girlfriend who is a 29-year old grandmother of a 2-year old and a 6-month old. Trust, I'm not the morality police (Y'all know I've been through some shit in my life), but at some point you really have to ask what's happening in our society where this is alright, accepted, and seen as no big deal.<br /><br />*sigh*This is why birth control is A-ok in my book. People need to stop hiding the truth from their kids. You have to be prepared to talk about sex and arm them for life in the real world. All actions have consequences, and kids need to learn that. Thanks mom for having <i>that</i> talk with me at a fairly young age and being real with me and not sugar coating anything. Thanks even more for brining me to work and allowing me to watch a live birth at age 10. You got your point across.Tashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05841784678107146378noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36267125.post-53665581685114655052007-12-14T07:41:00.000-05:002007-12-14T07:43:16.420-05:00Friday FlashbackThis week it's Marvin Gaye's "Sexual Healing" cuz you know we can all use it sometimes, lol. <br /><br /><center><object width="425" height="355"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/GVTN5o9Kgu8&rel=1"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/GVTN5o9Kgu8&rel=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="355"></embed></object></center><br /><br />Happy Friday!Tashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05841784678107146378noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36267125.post-4878942207788904772007-12-13T08:51:00.000-05:002007-12-13T09:19:03.115-05:00TV Talk ThursdaySo I watched that mess of a show "Crowned" that came on after the finale of Top Model last night (yay Saleisha, btw) and tragically I liked it. I guess watching mothers and daughters make fools out of themselves for the sake of being on TV makes me thank the heavens that there's some pride left in my family. Almost trailer trashy good. It will do as a replacement for ANTM I guess.<br /><br />And then I almost burned my retinas out watching Snoop Dogg's Father Hood show. I don't know if this is supposed to be a bootleg Run's House, but it was a funky fried hot mess. First of all, I thought Snoop had a bigger house than that, but seeing him and his wife interact was painful. The show seemed to be scripted, and they weren't doing a good job at keeping up with the script. Boring, big yawn. The funniest part of the show was Snoop running out of the blind accupuncturist's office screaming, "Chuuch on the Move". Might catch the marathon when it comes on, but I can't make that a part of my regular TV watching.<br /><br />I'm looking forward to watching "The Choir" that starts on the 17th. I guess Patti LaBelle and some other singers put togehter choirs that are going to compete against each other. Should make for good TV, if not good singing--I hope.<br /><br />What have yall been watching? I'm looking for some good shows that maybe I haven't had the chance to watch yet.Tashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05841784678107146378noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36267125.post-64580512533210216592007-12-11T00:15:00.000-05:002007-12-11T00:48:35.213-05:00Come get yo' kidsIt's Christmastime. I'm well aware of it, but all the kids in our families won't let me forget. With me having <b>70+</b> nieces and nephews--I stopped counting at 72 (that <i>does</i> include the step fam) and with D having 7 of his own, we have frequent reminders that it's time to buy gifts. About 25 of them are under the age of 18, so we get emails and phonecalls all the time that go something like this:<br /><br />"Uncle D! Aunt Tasha! I've been good all year. You know it's Christmas riiiiight? I'm really good at playing the bowling game on my friend's Wii. It would be nice to not have to play the game at their house. I could share it with my sisters/brothers/parents"<br /><br />I don't know when it became okay to solicit gifts like that, and I've attempted to put the kids (AND their parents) in check, but since we're family we get it the worst.<br /><br />But outside the family, <s>kids</s> everyone is getting bold. Maybe it's that time of year or maybe people just need more home training. Here are some conversations I've had lately:<br /><br /><u>Conversation with my Jewish friend's 11 year old daughter while at their house for dinner</u><br />Her: So what are you going to get me for Christmas?<br />Me: Don't you celebrate Hanukkah?<br />Her: I'm an equal opportunity gift receiver. My mom taught me that.<br />Me: Do your mom and dad celebrate Christmas?<br />Her: Sure do. We're Jewish, but we have a Christmas tree. We don't do that birth of Jesus stuff. We just give gifts <br />Her mom: *looking horrified* TV. The kids see the stuff on TV so we don't want them to feel left out *chuckles*<br /><br /><u>Conversation with my 7 year old niece and her friend when they came to visit</u><br />Me: Are you ready for Santa<br />Niece's Friend: Ms. Tasha, you are not keeping it real. There is no Santa.<br />Me: Oh really. What do you know about keeping things real<br />Niece: Yeah, I know it's fake. I watch the news.<br />Me: I still believe in Santa, because he lives in everyone<br />Niece: So we're Santa's representatives?<br />Me: Something like that.<br />Niece's Friend: You're really smart Ms. Tasha. Wow. She's Santa's rep-uh-sentive. You know what I'm gettin' this year?<br /><br /><u>Conversation with a grown ass man (one of my uncle's friends) just before Thanksgiving</u><br />Man: *with that 'game' look in his eyes* What do you want for Christmas?<br />Me: A can of mace<br />Man: Damn it's like that huh?<br /><br /><br />Like my mother would say: "Come get yo' chirrens!"Tashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05841784678107146378noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36267125.post-9139943483149228932007-12-10T10:22:00.000-05:002007-12-10T10:38:51.752-05:00Monday MashupThis weekend was one of the more uneventful weekends of my life. Due to my tooth situation (which has been taken care of) I was laid out. A new filling and some "good" painkillers made my day. Thanks Gunfighter!! I owe you big time! I left the house twice this weekend--to run to the store and to run to Su.bwa.y. It was rainy and cold, and none of the girls wanted to go out, and D had to work. So I spent time with the couch, with my blankies, and with my eyes closed catching some zzz's. Loves it.<br /><br />Today I have a phone interview at 10:30AM. Hey, I may as well make use of this time off and find a new job. Really hoping this comes through so I don't have to go back, lol. But I'm kinda mad that the lady doing the interview said that they'd call me at 10:30 but I need to be available for an hour after that time in case they call me late. Wow. Isn't it rude to be late for a meeting that <i>you</i> scheduled? But that's a state gov't employer for you. This is a position I've been eyeing for about a year, so hopefully it will come through. Throw some prayers up for me!<br /><br />How was your weekend? Get at me in the comment boxTashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05841784678107146378noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36267125.post-27870929366894956842007-12-07T01:38:00.000-05:002007-12-07T01:56:48.292-05:00Help a sista outIt's 1:40AM and I'm looking for either a dentist or a pair of pliers. Right now, I'd kinda prefer the pliers. Just take matters into my own hands and get things done quick fast and in a hurry. My neighbor made us some peanut butter and toffee cookies and brought them over last night. Wonderful! Ahh yes, we love our neighbors.<br /><br />But apparently my teeth don't like my neighbors. I think Mrs. Neighbor put a little too much toffee or molasses or whatever sticky stuff goes in those things cuz a filling in my back tooth got caught up in the cookie and came.completely.out. I spat out an entire filling. Granted it's like 5 years old, but I thought fillings are supposed to last a lifetime.<br /><br />Now I'm in pain. I can't describe it but to say I feel like my molars got hit by a train. I only had three fillings in my mouth, but I guess I can now bring that number to 2. Except for me being in pain at such a stupid hour of the morning, it normally wouldn't be a big deal--just go to the dentist ASAP and get it taken care of right? Well, MY DENTIST'S OFFICE IS CLOSED FOR VACATION AND WON'T BE BACK FOR ANOTHER WEEK.<br /><br />This is where I need the help of my DC or Bmore people. I'm so desperate I'd drive to Philly to get this mess taken care of. I hurt so bad there are no tears. Can any of you recommend an emergency dentist? I called one, but they're on call so I'm waiting for a call back. I can't go a whole weekend like this.<br /><br />Email me or leave your suggestion in the comment box. Thanks in advance.Tashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05841784678107146378noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36267125.post-41815315069810000472007-12-05T02:09:00.000-05:002007-12-05T02:34:58.727-05:00I Know What You DidDear Waiting Room Lady,<br /><br />Going to the doctor can be stressful I know. Really, I understand. I've seen more labcoats and stethescopes in the last three months than I have since birth. And I understand everybody reacts to stress in different ways, but I'm at a loss when it comes to your situation.<br /><br />The small talk was fine. Yeah, I know snow is in the forecast and we have differing opinions on the white flaky stuff. I love it, you hate it. I can drive in it, you can't. It's alright though, cuz we share a common ground in our appreciation for the Jackson 5 Christmas music that was playing in the office. Jokes about what Mike's done to himself. Cute.<br /><br />But then you started up, and things got awkward. You untied your shoes and proceeded to remove your red socks, which just happened to be full of lint pillballs. Yeah, you were that close to me. I could see that ish. Then you took a tissue out of your little kitty cat kleenex holder and wiped the sweat off of your feet. I threw up in my mouth just a little, and you looked at the receptionist (who was looking at you like you stole something) and looked back at me then whimpered and said, "My feet get so sweaty when I'm stressing and nervous. Important doctor visit you know". You then pulled a Mr. Rogers move and calmly put your sweat-laced socks back on and tied your shoes back up. Jesus, take the wheel.<br /><br />From one woman to another, and because I know the receptionist wanted to say something to you but didn't have the heart, let me advise you that this is not normal waiting room protocol. I can understand fidgeting because you're nervous, or maybe even passing gas because your stomach is unsettled from the nerves. But full out shoe removal is wrong. If you're going to do something like that, at least change your socks or put some powder in your shoes, woman. I'd understand if it was summertime and you were wearing flip flops and just took your foot out of the shoe. Hell, I do it all the time. But no. It's cold, it's December, it was 8AM, and you were wearing hiking SHOES (wtf, I've never seen hiking shoes before, but this isn't about me). That's not acceptable. You are a nasty ass. Oh, and your feet smell like goat cheese. You need to work on that.<br /><br />Thanks for ruining my morning!<br />Love,<br />TashaTashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05841784678107146378noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36267125.post-15440852957690800192007-12-04T07:51:00.000-05:002007-12-04T09:18:58.084-05:00Three HunnedWow, this is my 300th post! I can't believe that milestone came so quick. *wipes tear* And I'd like to thank the Academy...<br /><br />Moving on, this leave of absence has given me the chance to do stuff and go places during the weekday that I usually wouldn't get to otherwise and I keep running into situations where I'm asking "where is your mother?". <br /><br />Like one day last week, I went to Dun.k.in Don.uts at like 11:30 in the morning to get some yummy high-calorie coffee goodness and there was a kid probably about 8 years old standing at the counter in front of me.<br /><br />Employee: "How can I help you young man?"<br />Kid: "I want coffee. With creams and sugars and equals and milk"<br />Employee: "All of that in one coffee? What size"<br />Kid: "Coffee is liquid. It doesn't come in a special size"<br />Employee: "Well what size cup do you want me to put the coffee in?"<br />Kid: "Well it's for my mom and my mom's pretty fat so I'd say the biggest Extra Large you have"<br />Me: "Where's your mom?"<br />Kid: "In the car"<br />Employee: "You might want to go get her so we can make sure we get her order right"<br />Kid: "FINE!! But I'm gonna tell her that you're mean"<br /><br />Umm, really now. Parental guidance is mandatory, not suggested. I know you want Timmy to learn how to function in a grown up world and learn how to order for himself, but you need to be there to help him along the way. Watching from the soccermom van is not the same.<br /><br />And last Friday I was on my way to get an oil change and had pulled up to the stoplight leading out of my complex. I saw three boys and two girls who couldn't have been older than 7th or 8th grade walking on the sidewalk next to me. Mind you it was 1:30 PM, not a book or bookbag in sight. One of the little dudes pulled a black n' mild from behind his ear, lit it up and took a puff, then passed it to one of the girls. My light turned green, but I was ready to scream out of the window, "Shouldn't you be in school? Where is your mama?!"<br /><br />People, why are your kids running amok? I guess I shouldn't be surprised at seeing stuff like this cuz we all know 8 year olds and 7th graders act more grown than real grown people, but damn is it so hard to get them to stay in the classroom for a little while? <br /><br />Have any of you had to ask "where is yo' mama?!"?? Get at me in the commentsTashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05841784678107146378noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36267125.post-45906308203743733962007-12-03T00:06:00.000-05:002007-12-03T00:04:02.398-05:00Yeah yeahI figured it was about time I got back to blogger, I kinda missed yall maybe just a little. <br /><br />Anyway, I hope everyone had a good Turkey Day. I know I'm all late since it's December now and all. Speaking of it being December, where the hell did the year go? I'm mad that I've been seeing commercials for "Best of 2007" specials and what not. <br /><br />My Thanksgiving was good I guess. I had a sinus infection paired with an ear infection and a touch of bronchitis, so I was all stuffy and couldn't taste a damn thing. I didn't really have an appetite either cuz I was sneezing and huffin and puffin everydamnwhere. I hear the food was bangin though. Me and D spent the day with his family, and while I was sad that I couldn't go home to see my parents, it was still cool. His family just accepts me like one of their own, and I never feel like an outsider so it was actually really nice. My only problem with the day was all the old people giving me their remedies for getting over the flu (they swore up and down that I had the flu even though I'd gone to the dr. the day before and was armed with 900 prescriptions). Those remedies were some real random ish too:<br /><br />-Soak a brown paper bag in white vinegar, then put the bag on your forehead to draw out the fever. Ummm...the fugg is that really gonna do but make my head smell like a pot of old chittlins?<br /><br />-Drink a mix of shaved ginger and lemon rind steeped in hot water with honey (not sugar). Ummm....why not just drink some lemon-herb tea?<br /><br />-Put V.ick's on the bottom of my feet, then put a pair of wool socks on and go to bed and wrap up tight. Ummm...the directions say to put the stuff on your chest. Feet don't get congested. <br /><br />-Drink a "white lightning" toddy. Ummmm....white lightning is moonshine. I don't have a distillery in my backyard. I'll add a lil blackberry brandy to my tea if I'm gonna be all alcoholic about this thankyouverymuch.<br /><br />So I stuck with what the doctor gave me, and I'm feeling fine now except for a few sniffles. Great. The weekend before Thanksgiving, I took D up to NYC to see some fam and we played tourist and trolled around Times Square and Rockefeller Center. I thought D had been to Manhattan before, but he hadn't...only to the Bronx. So he had a good time, and I think I was a pretty damn good tour guide. He loves the city just as much as I do, and we tossed around the idea of taking up my great aunt's offer of taking over her brownstone and continuing to rent out a portion of the house and using the other portion as a weekend/getaway spot. She's getting older, and wants to move upstate closer to my mom in about 5 years, so we might be able to do that but we'll see. It's nice to dream though, right?<br /><br />The day after Thanksgiving, I made the decision to take a leave of absence from work. I get the latest pathology report tomorrow and I'm not really concerned because I know the result can't be too far off from the first reports. I know my prognosis is still great. But I wanted to take some time to get <i>me</i> together physically, mentally, spiritually and all that, and also to get things situated with the wedding planning and house buying. D's been encouraging me to take about a month or so off, but I wasn't listening until my body basically shut down from being sick and stressed out. I'm glad I finally listened, and I must say it's been a welcome change. I'll be going back to work mid-January. I'm so surprised that I was able to get such an immediate approval, but I'm not complaining.<br /><br />So that's the short version of what's been going on in my world. I've got so much blog reading to catch up on to see what everyone else has been getting into, so don't be surprised if you get some random-azz late comments on some of your posts.Tashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05841784678107146378noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36267125.post-33531954416134635382007-11-20T07:38:00.000-05:002007-11-20T07:44:55.600-05:00Life Caught UpI'm stepping away from blogging until Monday cuz life finally caught up with me. I'm sick as a dog...home for the second day in a row (even though I have like zero sick time). Thanksgiving is this week, and because of my job not giving us Friday off (and not letting anyone have it off, period) I can't go home. I'll be spending the holiday with D's family, which is great, but I've never not been home for this holiday. Same will happen for Christmas. Oh, and I have to go talk to another pathologist about this cancer mess cuz something apparently doesn't look right. <br /><br />I'm going through some thangs yall, pray for me. I'll be back on Monday.<br /><br />Have a blessed and happy Turkey Day!Tashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05841784678107146378noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36267125.post-16140094762623810972007-11-14T06:24:00.000-05:002007-11-14T06:39:01.876-05:00Wednesday Randoms-It's 6:26 AM right now, and I don't have to be up for another 30 minutes but I'm up, so I figured I'd blog now cuz the plantation's been monitoring everyone's web activity. <br /><br />-I'm happy to be going to see the fam in BK this weekend. Me and D will finally get to see my new niece!<br /><br />-I'm mad that some lil kid overheard my conversation and that I have cancer and asked all loud why I still have hair. His mother didn't see anything wrong with the line of questioning and actually wanted the answer. I didn't have it in me to argue right then so I just walked away. Have some decorum people.<br /><br />-It's eating me up inside that it's getting harder to talk to my mother about anything. Last night I told her that I got a call from my father and she just changed the subject. Me: "Pop called me last night" Her: "I went to yoga today." Me: "Pop called me last night" Her: "I <i>said</i> went to yoga today". Me: "I have to go"<br /><br />-It's that time of year when old friends find each other. In the last week, I've gotten 4 or 5 emails/calls/facebook requests from people I haven't seen in years and I've been looking for.<br /><br />-Sometimes even when I have a lot of people around me, I still feel alone. Like no one really wants to hear what I have to say, or no one is patient enough to listen. So I say nothing, and sometimes being made to say nothing hurts worse than any verbal insult.<br /><br />-Is it bad that because of work I can't go home for Christmas or Thanksgiving and I'm not particularly sad? See above about not talking to my mom. It's not home when I can't talk to my best friend.<br /><br />-I have recruiters chasing me right now for some important positions. I haven't been at the new place quite a year yet, but this is probably going to be the best career move for me. I'mma schedule some meetings to see what we can make of this.<br /><br />-Why is it that my car becomes due for an oil change a week and a half after the coupon for a free oil change from the dealership expires? I guess I could have jumped on it sooner though, lol.<br /><br />-I need it to stay consistently chilly in the urrea, cuz I have some fabulous new fall outfits to wear, and I don't feel right wearing them when it's 60 degrees during the day.<br /><br />That's all I got right nowTashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05841784678107146378noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36267125.post-16494220885368222742007-11-12T09:34:00.000-05:002007-11-12T10:11:34.856-05:00Monday MondayBack on the plantation again. Hope yall had a good weekend. Friday was D's birthday, and we had a great time. Let me sum up my night for you:<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjgKSwjcUEFsEBIrbeeL_SF9qkmu9jypCI7F1iJwzvoCoWjzWRJGGAbZTp57q0y-5gomq-PBrk5QC7IddNe-MKYO8YAfu4CQJjfHau0jGMFUJgU0y_yME83tNgCy-5RkOn4tfV/s1600-h/drink1.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjgKSwjcUEFsEBIrbeeL_SF9qkmu9jypCI7F1iJwzvoCoWjzWRJGGAbZTp57q0y-5gomq-PBrk5QC7IddNe-MKYO8YAfu4CQJjfHau0jGMFUJgU0y_yME83tNgCy-5RkOn4tfV/s320/drink1.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5131963552463529394" /></a><br /><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiK_SoTlJicc66sHihTbsi4h5fiHOQ2u5BpbHABRkl7ZwbAuMpjsv2n9NwvqyqAVecG4j7y_zhJZZG5UMoaEy0k_B3CFkOxkPBT6OuO2RDvIaeb9KiWQKco71k-NcguFck8cEzZ/s1600-h/drink2.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiK_SoTlJicc66sHihTbsi4h5fiHOQ2u5BpbHABRkl7ZwbAuMpjsv2n9NwvqyqAVecG4j7y_zhJZZG5UMoaEy0k_B3CFkOxkPBT6OuO2RDvIaeb9KiWQKco71k-NcguFck8cEzZ/s320/drink2.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5131964007730062786" /></a><br /><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiz9E0ATUmnItsjB-WHq11KcYqb4SBcTaXpgvwpriYYBBHzCpi58ihE4pAVMNcN0cPQbduFWWnqJgqy4aPq_VDx0PFgAF2SlTLsF9WeC3DSpiAAZTqZTScesS7ImGJ-LmOiVIdB/s1600-h/zzzzz2.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiz9E0ATUmnItsjB-WHq11KcYqb4SBcTaXpgvwpriYYBBHzCpi58ihE4pAVMNcN0cPQbduFWWnqJgqy4aPq_VDx0PFgAF2SlTLsF9WeC3DSpiAAZTqZTScesS7ImGJ-LmOiVIdB/s320/zzzzz2.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5131964948327900626" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Instead of "Duck, Duck, Goose" it was more like "Drink, Drink, Drunk". Yeah. That's all I can say about that. And I'm mad at D for being in my face taking pictures when I was umm...not at my best, lol.<br /><br />The rest of the weekend was all about the couch. I went out with L on Saturday night, but we were cold and didn't feel like standing outside trying to get in someone's club, so we went to Maggie Moo's and got some ice cream then went home. I know that sounds backwards getting ice cream when you're cold, but it really hit the spot. Sunday = football. Watched my Giants turn in a less than stellar performance and then I fell asleep on the couch. Me and the couch have been getting in some quality time as of late cuz when the weather gets cold, I turn in to a serious homebody. <br /><br />Anyway, I hope yall had a good weekend. What'd you get into? Get at me in the comments. Happy Monday.Tashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05841784678107146378noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36267125.post-36753379497064973142007-11-09T09:13:00.000-05:002007-11-09T10:15:07.194-05:00Happy Birthday to Ya!!<center><a href="http://www.zwani.com/graphics/happy_birthday/"><img src="http://images.zwani.com/graphics/happy_birthday/images/069.gif" alt="ZWANI.com - The place for myspace comments, glitters, graphics, backgrounds and codes" border=0></a><br><a href="http://www.zwani.com/graphics/happy_birthday/" target="_blank"></a></center><br /><br />Today is D's birthday, so it's a party all day. I can hear Eddie Murphy singing now, "My girl wants to party alll the tiiiiiiimmmee...." (If you don't know that song, be thankful)*shaking head*. Anyway, we're going out with a bunch of our friends for dinner and drinks later on. He's usually pretty mellow--even about birthdays, but he's all hyped about going out tonight. A few of the people we're going out with are all hyped and acting funny about tonight too...so I know <i>something</i> is up. We'll see though. I got my digital camera back, so I'll have photographic evidence to use in case I need to blackmail someone later, lol.<br /><br />The rest of the weekend I'll be out and about with my girl L, and then doing more wedding stuff. Sunday though, will be a study in bumology--me, the couch, football, and a beer or two. Just the way it's supposed to be, lol. Just for the weekend, I hope to forget about cancer and ovaries and pain.<br /><br />Anyway, it's Friday. It's Payday. It's a great day. Hope yall have a good weekend. Stay blessed and fab.Tashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05841784678107146378noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36267125.post-31877225930621631642007-11-07T09:17:00.000-05:002007-11-07T10:45:38.881-05:00Only MeI swear some things can only happen to me. That's why I love my life so much. Just about everywhere I go is guaranteed embarassment, comedy, or an unfortunate mix of both. <br /><br />Yesterday, I went to get my spa on to get my mind off of my health debacle. Had a big steamy mug of green tea at home, then off I went. It was my kind of beautiful day--chilly with the sun shining, everything and everyone looking happy. Just lovely. Got to the dayspa just fine, got my robe and got ready for another cup of tea. Umm, forgot the flippy flops that I usually take with me, so I was wearing their "disposables". Apparently me and thin footie fabric don't mix. I walked out of the dressing room toward the little tea table and slid into the damn thing. I didn't knock it down, but I have a big azz bruise on my right hip now to remind me to take small steps when I wear those things. Note to self: bring flippy flops or slippers next time. Do NOT wear the disposables. NO.<br /><br />All was well, had my tea then settled in for a massage. You know massages are relaxing, right? Like you kind of forget where you are sometimes. I probably shouldn't even be telling yall this, but we're all family so it's okay. Umm, my masseuse lady was workin it out on my lower back. She could tell that I hold all of my tension there, cuz my muscles were basically in knots. Just a damn mess. I was all off in my la la land, listening to the Najee CD she had playing. It was all great. But I got too comfortable, and as she was working back up my spine it just happened. Yall, the gas. It came out. *rumble rumble* and it was <i>loud</i>. Like that record scratch sound you hear on TV when someone does some off the wall shit.<br />I was 'bout ready to crawl in a hole under the table and die a slow death. I mean a few tears came out and my face turned all kinds of red. I dont blush easily, but my face was on fire!!<br /><br />I rolled over and tried to explain myself, even though my azz had done enough explaining already. "Umm, the tea. I drank green tea and didn't eat anything. I'm so sorry. Really. Ohmygod." The lady just looked at me and laughed. "Sweetie, it happens all the time, lay on your stomach. People get relaxed and all kinds of sounds and smells come out. It's okay. Relax"<br /><br />I was still ready to sneak into a cave and hide for a while, but she just went back to doing what she does. The rest of the massage was great. I got a parrafin hand treatment and a facial, then went and did some browsing at the mall. I went and signed up for a pilates class and an advanced adult tap class at a place in Bethesda. I'm not teaching dance this season, and I can't function without having my tap shoes on for at least a few hours a week, so the tap class will be just the thing I need to help me get through everything :-)<br /><br />All in all, it was a great day, but I swear...some stuff really only happens to me. And I'll never drink green tea before a massage ever again.Tashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05841784678107146378noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36267125.post-90261412095303816432007-11-06T10:09:00.000-05:002007-11-06T10:12:04.279-05:00Spa Day!It's been pretty rough going as of late, so I'm playing hooky and taking a spa day--just me and zero distractions with a good massage and facial. It's going to be a good day. I'll catch up with yall tomorrow!Tashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05841784678107146378noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36267125.post-43875111204551114792007-11-05T09:01:00.000-05:002007-11-05T09:59:03.844-05:00Quiet MondayLadybugs are still red. All weekend, I've been hearing my little cousin's <a href="http://labellanoire.blogspot.com/2007/04/ladybugs.html">wise words</a>; and truly they've never been more appropriate I guess.<br /><br />I found out Friday that I do have the early stages of cervical cancer. It's very early and very treatable. So no chemo and no radiation right now, thank God. I have to have a procedure done that will basically burn the top layers of my cervix off, and therefore burn off all of the "damaged" (cancerous) cells (we hope). I hear it's an easy procedure, but we'll see. There will be lots of follow up before and after, to make sure the damaged cells don't spread. I also have a ginormous cyst on my left ovary. Like peanut sized, damn. It'll come off the same day that I have the other procedure done. So yay, I get to keep both of my ovaries! I really never thought I'd see the day that I make a statement like that.<br /><br />It's still hard for me to put it in my mind that I have cancer. Tears come in spells, even today. I know I'm lucky that we caught it early, so my life doesn't have to change much, but I know that for everyone like me who gets a good prognosis, there's somone who gets it much much worse. So I don't know how to feel. Why was I lucky, and not my mom's best friend? Why was I lucky, and not my cousin? I feel almost paralyzed by my own diagnosis and prognosis. I want to crawl in a hole. That's what I did all weekend. Just bury myself in myself, if that makes sense to you. Going through the motions of being happy, but all the while trying to make sense of all of this. My world, spinning in the wrong direction.<br /><br />I'm back to work today, and no one here knows except my boss. The world keeps moving. In the right direction. Just like my little cousin said, the grass is still green, the sky is still blue, and ladybugs are still red. D, our families, and our friends are helping me to get through this and keep going. We're still getting married, we're still gonna have kids, I'm still going to teach dance, and I'm still going to be a great best friend. This is just a blip on the radar, one of those mountains I have to climb to see the goodness on the other side. Yep. The world, and my life will go on. I'm lucky. I don't know what else to say. I don't know what else to do but cry sometimes. I'm happy, sad, everywhere in between.<br /><br />Forgive me if this post is disconnected; I'm still trying to get right. Have a good day, happy Monday yall.Tashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05841784678107146378noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36267125.post-87289772987884811742007-11-02T08:22:00.000-04:002007-11-02T08:29:33.613-04:00Friday FlashbackI'm a nervous mess cuz I get the pathology reports from the biopsy this afternoon. I can barely string a thought together after being told that it's urgen that I don't miss this appointment, so I'll leave you with this. It's Faith Evans, "Aint Nobody". <br /><br /><center><object width="425" height="355"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/OXFP0KS_xhs&rel=1"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/OXFP0KS_xhs&rel=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="355"></embed></object></center><br /><br />I'll be doing the usual this weekend...lunch or dinner with the girls, wedding stuff, house hunting stuff, date night with D, and catching a few zzzz's. Hope you all have a good weekend, stay blessed and fab.Tashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05841784678107146378noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36267125.post-36113203060687983872007-11-01T09:30:00.000-04:002007-11-01T10:20:24.757-04:00Tagged!<a href="http://lawdhamercyonme.blogspot.com/">DurtyMo</a> tagged me...<br /><br />The rules of the game are:<br /><br />A). Link to the person that tagged you and post the rules on your blog...<br />B). Share 7 random and/or weird facts about yourself...<br />C). Tag 7 random people at the end of your post and include links to their blogs...<br />D). Let each person know that they've been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.<br /><br />I don't know how much more random stuff I can share about myself, but here we go...<br /><br />1. If I wear a pair of socks bowling, I won't wear them again. I know they "sanitize" the rented shoes, but I can't get myself to wear the socks again, no matter how much bleach and boiling water I use to wash them. Something about knowing that my socks have touched other people's foot germs...bleh.<br /><br />2. I don't know how to play checkers. I can play chess with the best of them, but checkers is beyond my comprehension for some reason.<br /><br />3. I broke my nose when I was 7 jumping double dutch. My shoelace got caught up in the rope and then my ankles got caught up and I hit the ground face first. <br /><br />4. I've never eaten a corndog, and I don't plan on it. How in the name of Pete do you expect me to eat a hotdog surrounded by cornbread? I like cornbread, I like hotdogs, but the two together just doesn't compute for me.<br /><br />5. I was a ski instructor during winter break one season. I only saw 3 other black folk the entire time, but it was probably the most fun I've had in cold weather.<br /><br />6. I'm a makeup junkie. I probably have about $2000 worth of products in my vanity, but I hardly ever wear it. I'm just too lazy in the morning to bother, but drop me in Sephora and I'm happy.<br /><br />7. I made a quilt from pieces of fabric that once belonged to the people I miss and love the most. I'll keep adding to it as long as I can, and I hope to pass it to my kids. It has a piece of my grandpa's old coveralls, my grandma's flannel nightie, my great aunt's driving glove, my other grandmother's apron, my other grandpa's workshirt, the shirt my dad was wearing when he became an American citizen, my mom's prom gown, my baby blanket, all of my siblings' baby blankets, and now a piece of D's army fatigues that I just added. It may not look like much, but I'm so proud of that quilt. I keep it tucked in our linen closet in archival paper cuz some of the fabric is so old.<br /><br /><br />I'm not going to tag anyone specific. If you want to play along, consider yourself tagged!Tashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05841784678107146378noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36267125.post-51409621407888059652007-10-31T09:43:00.001-04:002007-10-31T09:45:34.047-04:00Happy HalloweenIt's Halloween, so that means we'll be hearing "Thriller", "Freaks Come Out At Night", and "Somebody's Watching Me" at least once today. But because I love (black) Michael Jackson, here's "Thriller" to get you in the Halloween spirit:<br /><br /><center><object width="425" height="355"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/D-nSCb9MnPM&rel=1"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/D-nSCb9MnPM&rel=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="355"></embed></object></center><br /><br />Have a great day yall!Tashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05841784678107146378noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36267125.post-60363507023753505712007-10-29T09:30:00.001-04:002007-10-29T12:02:05.779-04:00Weekend RecapI'm so glad to be back home. I flew home this weekend (I don't know why I didn't do that before, cuz all that driving is really over-rated). Had a great flight in, even though the weather was atrocious (LOL, I love hearing that word with a British accent). It was the first time I've gone home without D, so we were a mess at the airport as I was getting ready to go through security. Hugs that lasted 2 minutes too long and all that. But when I got to mom's it was ON.<br /><br />I got off the plane at about 7:30AM. Mom and Daddy took me out to breakfast and we did some family stuff for a lil while. Great. I was kinda out of it cuz you know I'd been up since 4AM, but nice anyway. We dropped Daddy off at home, and then me and my mom went to the bridal store. Big.azz.mistake.<br /><br />D is really involved with all of this wedding planning, even down to my dress. I've wanted his input on the dress I'm going to wear because it's his wedding too. The wedding, at least in our eyes, is NOT all about the bride. Bridezillas be damned. I don't want him seeing me walking down the aisle rolling his eyes and thinking, "...the fukk does she have on?". So he's helped me pick the dresses--bridesmaids and mine. Well the one I picked out before is no longer available, so my mom decided that she was going to intervene and take me to the bride store at home--it's the same place where I got prom dresses, etc. She's a great great wedding dress person. So I see a dress that's nice, and they tell me to put the deposit on it right then because it's crossover season in bridal wear, so they don't know if the same dress will be avaialable come January, so they need to get the confirmation from the designer right now.<br /><br />I refused. I told them I won't put a deposit on anything until D has seen it. Or at least a picture of it. Especially since he's paying for my dress. They were telling me that I'm wrong and will basically rot in a moldy corner in Satan's tinderbox because I want him to see the dress. I got my way, but it was catty. And then after all that, my mom stayed mad at me till I left yesterday morning. But this right here was the worst:<br /><br />Some lady at the store: "You're gonna fuck up your wedding. You probably will jinx your marriage like that. You better not let him see that dress. He'll be mad at you"<br /><br />Me: "Where is your engagement ring? Are you engaged? Are you married? Nope. Bare fucking ring finger. Oh, I see you're getting fitted for a bridesmaid dress. Not a wedding gown. Your opinion is null and void. You come talk to me when you're the one shelling out beaucoup dollars for a dress. You have a good day"<br /><br />Mom, Dress Lady, and Some people in the store (M,D,S): "That's blasphemy. He needs to not know about the dress. It's the last decision you'll make as a single women"<br /><br />Me: "We made that decision together."<br /><br />M,D,S: "Nooooo. You don't know what you're doing. You will ruin your marriage like that. It's tradition, he should be surprised"<br /><br />Me: "Fuck a tradition. We're a non traditional couple. See my engagement ring? Not like your average ring, right? We do shit our own way"<br /><br />M,D,S: "You can't do that though. It's not right"<br /><br />Me: "Look, we'll be just as married whether he sees the dress or not. That's OUR decision. WE're paying for it. When yall start paying for my wedding, your opinions will matter. Let me take a copy of what the dress looks like, and I'll send him a picture message on the phone"<br /><br />Dress Lady: "I don't know if I can let you do that. I'll give you a copy of the page it's on, then you take it home and cool down. Call me Tuesday with your credit card number for the deposit. Lemme take your measurements. See, we have to do it this way so the bridesmaid dresses match the red sash on your dress"<br /><br />Me: "ok." *fuming*<br /><br />So I left with my copies. Mom was on my ass for the rest of the day and night. Showing me the wedding shows on the Style Network and Oxygen and what not. "See see see, her husband didn't know what the dress looks like". I thought it was about to come to blows.<br /><br />Mom: "You just don't understand. You're not married"<br /><br />Me: "Rethink that last statement, mom."<br /><br />Mom: "What kind of good wife doesn't follow tradition? I mean, it's <i>tradition</i> for him to know nothing about a dress until you see him on your wedding day"<br /><br />Me: "Well, I guess I'll be a bad wife. A happy one though."<br /><br />Mom: "You just don't <i>understand</i>!!!"<br /><br />All this about a gotdamned dress. I wanted to cry and leave. But I was stuck at mama's house with no car, and I didn't want to borrow hers. I could have called one of my girls who still lives there, I didn't really feel like going out anyway since monsoon season decided to hit the state with random torrential rain. So I went to bed early.<br /><br />Sunday morining, I was back on a plane at 7AM. My mom decided to call truce, and tell me that she was just happy that I'm happy. Isn't this how it's supposed to be anyway? I'm glad I didn't leave angry. I just wish we could have spent more time doing what moms and grown daughters do--like tea and crumpets or whatever the hell you see on Lifetime movies, lol. But I see now how this is going to go. She'll have to be a "from afar" helper. <br /> <br />Once I got back home, D picked me up and we enjoyed the rest of the day. We went and had pedicures and I got my nails done. Yup, he got a pedicure cuz those man-feet get all horrible in his line of work, and I'm not about to be cuttin' toenails and what not. He left for work and I did a late dinner with 3 of my girlfriends and then I hit the bed like a sack of bricks. I'm tired!!<br /><br />Anyhoo, I'm done ramblin now. How was your weekend?Tashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05841784678107146378noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36267125.post-64054543271315223052007-10-26T08:04:00.000-04:002007-10-26T08:08:26.258-04:00Friday FlashbackIt's raining in the "urrea", so I guess this one fits. It's Oran "Juice" Jones, "The Rain":<br /><br /><center><object width="425" height="355"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/hLtvexUOhAM&rel=1"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/hLtvexUOhAM&rel=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="355"></embed></object></center><br /><br />I'm going to see my mama for a lil bit this weekend, you know...get some good home cooked food and all that. Hope you all have a good weekend. Stay blessed, stay fabulous.Tashahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05841784678107146378noreply@blogger.com4